34 weeks pregnant and husband going away for 10 days

[viiz]

Hi,

We moved to a new country in Europe earlier this year when I found out I was pregnant. We don't have any family here or support network of people. It's basically me and my husband.
He is about to start a new job mid January and he told me that he wants to go and visit his family back in India before that happens. I don't mind that he wants to see them but I feel disappointed that he feels it's ok to leave me alone at this point. He would go away around 30.12 and fly back on 09.01 so 10-11 days. I will be 34-35 weeks pregnant during that time.

I'm just interested what others think about this.

AIBU to feel that he should be more concerned about me and that it's unreasonable to leave your pregnant wife all alone at that point?

Is it your first child? I understand you feeling vulnerable completely, but at the same time in the gentlest way, not much is likely to happen at this stage in pregnancy, so unless you have a toddler to care for as well, I'd probably be okay with him going and would rather him do it now than any further into the pregnancy/once there is a newborn to look after.

Is there a compromise to be had here? Does he really need to go for 10 whole days? Can he not visit everyone over 3 - 4 days instead?

At 34 weeks it’s unlikely you’ll go into labour, possible, but unlikely

Do you have any risk factors that make a premature delivery more likely?

Thank you for your replies.

I'm not really worried about going into early labour. It's more about being alone in case something happens or any kind of emergency. I wouldn't even have anyone to call.

It is my first pregnancy and it wouldn't make much sense for him to go for 3-4 days. The flights would take around 14 hours and then another few in a car so it would be too hectic.

The chances are that you'll be fine but I can understand why you'd feel vulnerable. Could you invite a friend/family member to come and stay with you while he's away?

I wouldn’t be ok with a non necessary trip in your circumstances. Could he fly out a close relative to stay with you as a compromise?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Why does he have to go now?

My husband is going away with work for a weekend and I will be 39w pregnant with a 2yr old to look after.
Crack on with it!

I wouldn't be bothered but I know pregnancy can make you feel vulnerable. You will most likely be fine, labour is not imminent so just use the time to focus on yourself. Surely it's better he goes now that when you have a newborn.

No one could come and stay because everyone is working and I wouldn't even want anyone to go into any trouble for me because of his holidays.
My parents will be here for delivery and PIL after them. We're also planning to make that trip to India together with a baby later in the year.

@FeedMyFaceWithBattenberg I'm guessing that you have friends/family around and work travel is different to taking a holiday. If it was work related I would just get on with it :)

Makes more sense to wait and do the trip together - or use the money to pay for family coming over to visit. Doesn't matter that others gave birth alone with 20 dc while husband was on a stag do. This is your relationship and you are allowed to feel bothered he hasn't thought any more of you.

If you had family around I think it would be ok ish, but why can't he go earlier to see his family? I had DS at 36 weeks, first pregnancy no signs he'd be early. My waters just broke one morning , having had that experience once I wouldn't want DH going away that far along in a pregnancy unless really necessary eg a funeral, and I live relatively close to DM DF and PIL (45/80 minutes away) DB is twenty minutes away and I have friends round the corner

Also DH wouldn't want to miss the birth of his child unnecessarily.

It seems an odd choice of time for a holiday, is there a particular reason he’s chosen now?
I get why you’re feeling vulnerable though especially more so with your first as it’s all new.

@FeedMyFaceWithBattenberg

OP is in an unfamiliar country with no support network and nobody to help in the event of a problem. And you have no idea what her pregnancy is like or what her physical limitations might be. And it's unlikely that he'll only be gone for a weekend.

Saying "just crack on with it" is really crass and insensitive, tbh.

Even if you weren't pregnant I'd think it was a bit mean to leave you all alone in a strange country for 10 days when you have no real friends or family to keep you company. Add in the pregnancy and I would be very upset.

I developed completely unexpected kidney stones late in my last pregnancy and don't know what I would have done if my husband and family hadn't been here to carry me to hospital. Had my first child at 36 weeks.

Thank you everyone.

No particular reason why he wants to go now, except having time and nothing to do.

Normally I'm 'I'll be fine' kind of a person and if it was for example something important like funeral or work related, I would be the first person to encourage him to go.
Maybe because it is my first pregnancy that I'm more sensitive. I have visions of me lying in pain on a floor and no one will even find me 😂

If it's a low risk pregnancy and you are young and otherwise healthy, the chances of anything happening at 35 weeks are so low that I'd be ok with him going

It's not really a holiday if he's visiting family is it? I'd have no problem whatsoever.
You can go into early labour at any point in a pregnancy. Life can't just stop due to what ifs.

Well I wouldn't have wanted to be left alone in a strange country with no support network for 10 days either, possible labour or not.

I don't think he needs to go right now.

I think he is being unreasonable, considering that his family are due to visit after birth and you are going to visit them with baby later in the year.

I think he's being unreasonable - surely he can find something closer to home to do if he's just bored, especially if you're going to see his family soon anyway!

In terms of building up a support network, are there any mum and baby groups in your new country? You can often start going to those before your baby comes, and I found those really helpful when I had my first child here in Belgium - there were a bunch of English-language groups full of expats who all understood what it was like not to have family around, who made everything a bit easier. I hope you can find something similar - it can be lonely, otherwise, and you're not at all unreasonable to not want the only person you know well to go away right now!

I was a low risk first pregnancy and DD arrived at 34 weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️ My view therefore is very skewed and there is no way I’d want DH to be away much past 30 weeks, especially this time when we have a toddler in tow

Can you go with him?

So he has time on his hands - is there nothing he could do around your home or even (imagine!) spend some time with his wife before the baby comes and makes it that much harder to do anything with just two.