34 weeks pregnant and husband going away for 10 days

[viiz]

Hi,

We moved to a new country in Europe earlier this year when I found out I was pregnant. We don't have any family here or support network of people. It's basically me and my husband.
He is about to start a new job mid January and he told me that he wants to go and visit his family back in India before that happens. I don't mind that he wants to see them but I feel disappointed that he feels it's ok to leave me alone at this point. He would go away around 30.12 and fly back on 09.01 so 10-11 days. I will be 34-35 weeks pregnant during that time.

I'm just interested what others think about this.

AIBU to feel that he should be more concerned about me and that it's unreasonable to leave your pregnant wife all alone at that point?

Sorry, strike that. The cut off is 32?

I live in Asia. My H travelled back to the UK when I was 35 weeks for 9 days. I was fine.

I'd rather my DH go before the birth than after frankly! He should go whilst he can, stay home and rest, perfect.
It's when the baby is here that you need help.

@dreaming174 did you have any friends in your city in Asia at that time? I think that's a key factor. The OP has nobody for support or help if anything comes up.

Just crack on with it - yeah right! If OP was in a familiar country with a support network then you can say crack on with it!

Being in a foreign country with no family or help I think he should rather spend time with you .. do small trips and explore before the baby arrives ..

But that is just me 🤷🏻‍♀️

@viiz what country are you in? Are their any pregnancy groups where you could meet people locally? That way you'll have your own support system whilst he's away?

In all likelihood all will be absolutely fine, it’s unlikely you will go into labour at 34 weeks. It does of course happen but unlikely, the vast majority of first time Mum’s in particular actually go overdue so I’m sure you will be ok.

I think you’re more upset because you are quite isolated and only have your DH to lean on, that’s going to be an issue when the baby is born too.

I was in an almost identical situation to you (new country no support network, 35 weeks pregnant) and DH had to go away for a week for work. It was absolutely fine. I might have felt a little hurt if it had just been a leisure trip but if he hasn't seen his family for a long time I can understand it.

Thank you for all the replies.

He's flying out in a couple of days. I'm little more reassured thanks to you. It's not perfect but nothing to be done.

I still work but mostly from home these days because commute becomes little too much. It's actually my last two weeks before I use my annual holidays and start maternity leave.

We live in south of Europe. I have work colleagues but no one really close so that's the biggest issue. I'm sure there are some groups that I can look up but I was working full time this whole time and I'm pretty exhausted these days. I will definitely join some once the baby is here so we both can socialise a bit :)

@memaymamo no, we're both teachers and it was the middle of our summer break, so all our friends had also returned to home countries. I would've goen to hospital alone.

I have visions of me lying in pain on a floor and no one will even find me

Why would that happen though? You'd use your phone to call for help, like you would if he was at home but was out for some reason. In the nicest way, I think YABU, sorry. The 34th week in a normal pregnancy is hell in terms of comfort (I'm there myself right now) but medically it's not walking on a knife's edge.

There’s two issues here:

A) you will almost certainly be fine wrt the pregnancy. Unless it is very high risk. I would try to put that out of your mind.

B) It does seem an odd and slightly selfish thing to do at this stage in the pregnancy and I would be a bit pissed off that he thought it was ok. How is your relationship in general?

@1300cakes
You didn't copy smiley face that I put at the end of that sentence. It changes the meaning little bit doesn't it? Yes I would call for help and hope to be understood. I don't speak the local language here (my husband does) and they really , really don't know any English 🙈

@thepeopleversuswork
A. Yes, my mind is unstoppable though and shows me all those ridiculous scenarios 😂 I'm much better now.

B. The disappointment is more real than those fears. Our relationship is good in general but he's a really emotional and caring man when comes to his family , that's why I was expecting that he will be more concerned about this pregnancy.

My husband went away with his friends abroad when I was 36 weeks pregnant, and had an 18 month old and I came down with a rotten cold.

Just got to get on with it, you'll be fine. Enjoy the peace & quiet as in 6 weeks that'll be gone for a really really long time.

He’s bored and has nothing to do?!

How about looking after his pregnant wife, preparing for the baby, making the home nicer, making local friends

Fucking off ‘back to his family’ & leaving you there in a place you’ve just moved to and don’t speak the language, with no friends & family - tells me, where his priorities lie & it’s not with you.

Personally I’d tell him to stay in India & I’d move to where I had family & friends

I would want to go home and have the baby in my own (birth) country, unless there are particular advantages from being born in this country. Your husband has shown you that when you really want something different from his wishes, his wishes come first - despite the timing and the potential for things to go wrong. I wouldn't want to be stuck in the country you are in (and don't seem to have ties in) if the relationship deteriorates, which let's face it often happens once a baby is born.

I think posters are being unfair. Being in a country where you don't know anyone, don't speak the language is hard enough but then to be alone for 11 days, very pregnant, emotional, uncomfortable and tired...that doesn't sound like fun!

DH has to go to Belfast for a week when I'm 36 weeks for work and he is very, very apologetic about it. I don't mind at all but my life, family, friends are here and it's for work.

Completely understand where you're coming from! Could you treat yourself while he's gone? Spa day/new books/a new streaming service to get addicted to? Sounds so lonely :(

A lot of posters seem to have skipped over the idea that she is alone and far from friends and family . I was in a similar situation and while of course it was fine and I am perfectly able to take myself to a hospital it wasn't ideal. I'm glad that op has been working so does at least have some contact with people in the area. Anyway, he is already going away so you should relax and make the most of the last free time your going to have for a while!