Force 5 year old or not?

[Donkeykong2019]

My DD is 5. She has always been very anxious about new places and a nightmare in places like shops and supermarkets. Over the past few months she has increasingly been verbalising she just wants to stay home. Getting her to school is a daily battle. Anywhere where she doesn't know exactly what is there or what we are doing etc is a nightmare. Even getting out to parks now she is refusing. Weekend before Christmas I cancelled seeing Santa because she demanded all the details and didn't want to go and got v.upset

I'm constantly conflicted over whether or not I should be forcing her to go to them? Part of the problem is I'm on my own with two of them and she is a runner-off and she's getting too big for me to manhandle when she kicks off. Part of the problem is when we stay home all day and do nothing she is the calmest, most pleasant child and I hate how she flips when we have to go anywhere.

Half the family are criticising me for pandering to it all the day but I don't know what else to do?

Aibu to not be forcing her? She can't want to stay indoors forever right?

Would it be possible for her to go into school earlier? We have several anxious children at the school in which I teach who come into school early (5 or 10 mins) so that it is calm and quiet whilst they are hanging up their coats, etc. Makes for a less chaotic start to the day.

They don't open the gates until it's time to go in and it's usually very crowded waiting for them to open. I think this is what caused the problem in the first place!

I will keep pushing for assessment and support but I'm scared it's all just in my head!

My 6 year old is like this sometimes especially over the Xmas holidays. I've unpicked it as this - if we are going somewhere that involves lots of people, urban, busy, adult directed 'fun' or adult activity, she doesn't like it and wants to go home. This has led her to start saying she wants to stay in. If we go somewhere nature based then she's happy as Larry.

I think don't force your dd as 5 is still very young. i read that it's not until 7 years old that a major brain development takes place in one half of the brain which makes them more outward looking and happy to explore the world. The modern world is a stressful and toxic one. Keep your dd feeling safe and nurtured and she will want to explore in her own time.

You might want to request she is assessed for a EHCP - she doesn't need to have a diagnosis for this (and ignore if school try to put you off). Her anxiety could well be enough.
You could ask for this to include her coming into school 5 minutes earlier - even if that means she enters school by the usual "staff entrance". This is a very easy and cheap accommodation.

I thought @Witchend had good practical advice. Similar approach I took with mine who was really anxious at 5 but a lot better now (7). We tried to minimise challenging things (would never go to crowded places and avoided “fun” activities like Santa/visiting many friends) but on some things we did use some fairly firm encouragement (eg I made her do one after school activity of her choice; I force her to go swimming lessons when she doesn’t want to)

I still haven't got her out of the house properly. I know I really need to tackle this but it's so overwhelming and I am partly really enjoying not being attacked/trying to catch her constantly when we do go out. I don't even know who to contact for more immediate guidance.

So I booked a private SALT assessment which took place yesterday. She observed her in school and did numerous assessments. Yes there is a big issue. Have also booked private OT assessment which started today.

Once I have the full reports I can take next steps but it isn't just in my head and I now feel able to be more forceful in what I am saying.