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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think niece should remember what we gave her for Christmas

110 replies

SidSparrow · 28/12/2019 16:02

So we got niece a nice bracelet for her Christmas - she's 7. Was first time meeting her as she lives abroad. We got her that and some other small books and things. Anyway, I asked her if she liked the bracelet we gave her and she didn't even remember it. Now, she didn't get a lot for Christmas since they're doing Christmas when they go home. I did put a bit of thought into it - was a charm bracelet with charms suited to her interests, so I thought she would have at least remembered it, Christmas day was only 4 days ago! Anyway, we've just been out and about and she wanted a keyring, so I bought her it and when we got back she left it in the car.

Now, AIBU to think that perhaps she's just a bit ungrateful? I'm not too fussed, if she is, then it'll make future birthdays and Christmases much easier (card and money). It's like she tore open her presents and never looked back at them. I'd like to think DD won't be like that when she gets to that age, but maybe there is nothing wrong with this...? I'm genuinely confused.

OP posts:
birdsarecute45 · 28/12/2019 17:39

I revcall when I was about that age that my aunt gave me a silver pincushion. It was an heirloom.

Reason I recall it was because I was not apparently suifficiently grateful (what with being into My Little Ponies) and my mum did what she did best by berating me for my lack of gratefulness. There was alot of discussion about my lack of character etc.

I truly had no idea what i had done wrong.

The present meant more to you than this very young child. Please do not impose your social expectations upon her at this point in time., She has years and decades to conform to the expected standards of gratefulness.

Ohyesiam · 28/12/2019 17:43

I doubt she couldn’t remember.
Was she shy/embarrassed/ didn’t Like being the focus of attention, didn’t know how to say she already had a charm bracelet etc.

I remember my mum exclaiming what an unsuitable gift I was given by an aunt,( it was a perfectly normal thing, my mum was just grumpy) and when the aunt asked if I killed it I was sort of struck dumb knowing that my mum disapproved.

DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 28/12/2019 17:45

It sounds like a really nice gift and you are clearly a thoughtful and caring Auntie. I agree with other posters however who say that she’s probably overwhelmed by the change of scene and the festive season in general. When things settle down, she will revisit it and definitely enjoy the unicorn element! In days, weeks and years to come, she will remember your kindness, even if she doesn’t remember the present.

FairytaleofButlins · 28/12/2019 17:49

It's not ungrateful not to remember?

If she had told you it was crap, it would be ungrateful, but she clearly is not.

Original poster
SidSparrow · 28/12/2019 17:49

Ok cool, the votes have spoken.

Things I have learned...

Jewellry is a crap present, especially for 7 year olds, no matter how amazing it is.

She's definietely not ungrateful - that's good then. It's just her age. (I didn't think she was, she's very sweet.)

And some mumsnetters are whacko bordering on mean. Talk about jumping to all the wrong conclusions! Hmm

OP posts:
andyjusthangingaround · 28/12/2019 17:51

@SidSparrow
Sorry to hear that she seems ungrateful about the present that you put a lot of thoughts in... however she is 7.
Maybe next time just card and money, as you said.
This is Mumsnet, very different attitude to men vs women for the exact same issue 😔
I don’t think you have done / asked anything wrong. Lessons learned though ☺️

cdtaylornats · 28/12/2019 17:52

I’d have remembered who gave me what at 7. Especially a close relation

Maybe so but the child has seen the OP exactly once and possibly met several new people. The OP is not a close relation.

Dieu · 28/12/2019 17:53

I'm sorry, but I don't think you can play the injured auntie card, when you didn't bother meeting her for the first 7 years!
Unbelievable.

TheBigMansWife · 28/12/2019 17:56

is it possible that your neice has short term memory loss? myself and one of my daughters are both dyslexic and we both suffer from short term memory loss.. i can ask my daughter to go get something and she forgets by the time she reaches the other room... also i am very bad at putting things down and i cant remember where they are.. (due to not being able multi task because my brain doesn't let me so i forget things instantly, i have even found my bank card in the fridge its that bad) its so frustrating and can be upsetting. check her for dyslexia as this memory problem is one of the signs.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2019 17:57

I think you’re wacko, bordering on mean for stating a 7 yo will only be getting a card and money in future because she didn’t express the correct amount of gratitude. The irony of your last post and comment “Talk about jumping to the wrong conclusions” didn’t escape me. You sound very very young.

Delbelleber · 28/12/2019 17:59

She is 7 years old give her a break!!! Yabu

Shinyletsbebadguys · 28/12/2019 18:02

This might be different as my 7 year old is ASD but he will struggle with being overwhelmed at Christmas. He loves his presents but needs a few days when they are set up in his bedroom to sort of realise what's what etc. If you ask him in a few days he will love it if you ask him now he will look at you a bit clueless. Might be the asd might be the being 7 thing.

Alderaan · 28/12/2019 18:04

Wow. She's SEVEN!

SpaceDinosaur · 28/12/2019 18:05

She's 7

bloodywhitecat · 28/12/2019 18:05

I'm sorry, but I don't think you can play the injured auntie card, when you didn't bother meeting her for the first 7 years! Unbelievable.

Why? I had a nephew overseas that I could never afford to visit but I did send gifts/cards/letters not everyone can afford to travel overseas.

ViciousJackdaw · 28/12/2019 18:16

Why do people keep repeating 'She's 7'?

We KNOW she's 7, Sid tells us this in her first sentence.

holly40 · 28/12/2019 18:16

Sounds quite normal to me.
Also it is possible her parents put it away somewhere safe straight away, until home. That's what I would do if my DD was given something like that. Otherwise it gets lost in the Christmas chaos. So she may have barely seen it yet.

Goatinthegarden · 28/12/2019 18:20

I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe here....I teach 7 year olds and all of them, boys and girls absolutely love bracelets.

The boys mostly love those flat ones that you slap on the wrist and the girls (and one or two of the boys) very much go for the glitzy unicorn theme! I even have one who comes in like Pat Butcher with giant clip on ear rings!

I’m always confiscating piles of jewels (until the end of the day) right, left and centre because they are so flashy and distracting!

OP, your present buying would have gone down a treat in my class!

Yellowbird54321 · 28/12/2019 18:21

Well at age 7, I would have loved that gift and you obviously put some thought into it OP which is probably why you feel a bit disappointed? I do not think there is any blame or fault on either side.

Goatinthegarden · 28/12/2019 18:22

Oh and I feel like the average 7 year old would have remembered the gift given by their auntie!

I would also expect a parent to perhaps remind them just beforehand that they were about to see Auntie-who-gifted-the-bracelet-remember-to-day-thank-you....

theduchessstill · 28/12/2019 18:26

People keep repeating that she's 7 because it is the most pertinent piece of information we have. 7 is so young and I think we often expect too much of children of all ages and 7 seems a lot older than it actually is when you have younger dc.

You have jumped to so may conclusions about your niece, and her family, and are now uppity because you feel the same has been done to you here.

Jenpop234 · 28/12/2019 18:27

As the previous poster said, a 7 year old would love jewellery! I'm also a primary teacher and think it's a lovely gift. Also, I think a 7 year old should be able to remember their gifts, unless... like so many other kids these days, she got way too many gifts and can't truly appreciate any of them. Just shows what a waste of money it is giving 7 year olds crap loads of presents they can't even remember!

ThePurpleMoose · 28/12/2019 18:28

My nieces aged 7 and 5 needed to be reminded to look.at the tag before opening a gift to see who it was from, and I expect they'll need help to remember when writing their thank you cards. I think it's just a lot for little ones to take in and they're always a bit overexcited.

BellatrixLestat · 28/12/2019 18:29

Pretty normal for a 7 year old I think.

DD is 6 and she has forgotten half the stuff she got for Christmas. It's still sat in boxes waiting to be discovered!

nowaypose · 28/12/2019 18:29

My DC got a fair amount of gifts, I wouldn’t expect them to remember every single present they got. I think jewellery would be a bit lame to a seven year old as well tbh.

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