How should children behave in public?

[GrannyBags]

Just been out for a meal with DH, DS and MIL. Pub restaurant, nothing posh. Fairly busy. A family came in and straight away the two children started running round, shouting and generally being disruptive. We ignored them, even when the smaller one bumped into our table. Middle aged couple sat next to us, noisy family on their other side. Woman obviously said something to her husband about the children. I didn’t hear what was said but the mother obviously did as she loudly announced ‘ Well at least my children are expressing themselves and not just glued to a screen’. Clearly this was aimed at DS who was watching videos on his phone. I know that he was being a bit anti social but at least he was quiet, he put it down when the food came and to be fair he doesn’t want to sit and listen to MIL describe her various ailments!
Have we now got to the point where disturbing other diners is seen as acceptable behaviour?

[Pop2017]

As parents we get judged for whatever we do.

Her kids shouldn’t be left to run wild in a restaurant. Personally it wouldn’t bother me too much as I’m used to loud annoying kids (my own 🤣) but from a safety aspect they shouldn’t and she should try and control them.

I’m the first to admit my two would struggle in a restaurant. They have autism and would get bored waiting for food so that’s why mcdonalds is much more our thing at the minute 🤣 If I had to take them to a restaurant I would definitely be taking an iPad to try and entertain them and encourage them to stay still.

From another point of view. My mother sounds like the woman you talk about. We were allowed to ‘express’ ourselves. If anyone dared Question it they’d get a mouthful. Thankfully it hasn’t affected me in the long run and I know how to behave in public.

[Susiebluesy]

Cherry oh do shut up, stop trying to justify your apparent superiority, it’s still condescending

[EatingRoses]

@lizzie0869 - my unpopular opinion is that everywhere should have soft play attached. I don't have children but my favourite places to eat are pubs with soft play/wacky warehouse type things attached because the actual pubs are so quiet with no children running around because they're all in the soft play areas!

[hazeyjane]

Cherry, stop going on about children masturbating in restaurants, it's not a great look.

[jamoncrumpets]

A wanking 15 year old in a restaurant is still a CHILD Cherry. A wanking 25 year old isn't. But a wanking 25 year old might be severely autistic.

I'm pretty sure a 25 year old severely autistic man would not be sat in a Toby Carvery by himself tugging away.

Let go of that mental image, Cherry.

[jamoncrumpets]

Oh she said Pizza Express, not Toby Carvery. Maybe these offending wankers just need a carb fix...

[GrannyBags]

@CherryPavlova
What on Earth are you on about?

[HoHoHoik]

CherryPavlova there is currently a hashtag running on Twitter titled #YouMightBeAbleistIf about all the daily micro-aggressions and casual ableism shown towards disabled people.

I suggest you read it, you may learn a thing or two.

I don't believe for one second that you work with disabled people but, if by some chance it's not a total fantasy, I sincerely hope you are closely supervised.

[Herbalteahippie]

YANBU. A firm word from a stranger usually leads some badly behaving children to stop. If said child invaded my space I just say ‘not everyone wants to hear your voice’ or ‘there’s other people here trying to eat please play nice’ it’s not the kids fault, it’s CF parents

[greenlynx]

I wouldn’t like children running around at the restaurant. It’s unsafe. I wouldn’t like to interact with anyone’s children taking orders or whatever other game they’re playing. It’s their parents job. A child or a teenager or even an adult on mobile phone/ tablet at a different table won’t bother me at all. Why should he/she? He’s not with me and I don’t know the circumstances.
My DD has additional needs. She could join conversation but not always. Believe me or not but she can’t join conversation with her GPs ( both about 80). It’s just impossible. it’s mostly about health problems (not colds and coughs) and very tricky emotionally (my DH struggles talking to them sometimes). So I actually don’t mind at all if she will be on her tablet or whatever leaving me free to manage a situation like this when we’re visiting.
It’s probably once in a 3 years when OP’s son was on his tablet at the restaurant and people’re so judgmental!

[Daffodil101]

Surely there’s some truth in what cherry says?

I work with disabled people in a professional capacity so I spend a considerable amount of time assessing how the environment can be best suited to their needs and wishes, and how to make reasonable adjustments.

I know of one young man whose parents want him in a mainstream school so that he is fully included. This has been tried now for three years. The school are saying they can’t keep him and other children safe, despite extensive adjustments (full time TA, conversion of a staff office into his own classroom).

The fact that they had to build him a classroom probably tells you that he is excluded rather than included. They do try to integrate him where possible but he finds it distressing. He goes into assembly but he screams until they allow him to leave. He’s developed some quite maladaptive strategies in order to be removed (screaming, biting) which does suggest a level of distress that I don’t think he should have to experience.

This is also distressing for his older brother to witness.

The LA have offered a place in an alternative school but his parents refuse because they want him included in mainstream. I feel so sorry for this child because he has no peers, no friends at all. It’s not ‘inclusion.’

Does this not prove that sometimes it’s not possible to integrate a child in the way parents might prefer?

Many years ago I worked in a wonderful special school that I think this young man would have loved. Like many special schools, it was closed down and the land sold off for housing. The children were robbed, in my opinion. The current system is much cheaper and we’ve all bought into the narrative that inclusion can always be achieved. It’s hard to know how to make it better, because any suggestion that a child can’t be fully integrated goes against the prevailing narrative.

[Getitwright]

Good post Daffodil. It’s the sort of education set up I can remember, where schools could give some children the extra help, assistance and resources they required.

[PhilomenaChristmasPie]

CherryPavlova he wouldn't be able to cope with the waiting and boredom whilst waiting for food, but he looks forward to going every year. It's not intentional bad behaviour, it's zero impulse control, and we have no way of helping with that at the moment. I'm on the waiting list for a CAMHS parents' workshop.

[tinyme77]

There were children loudly singing Christmas songs in the cafe today (Mum's thought that it was sweet rather than irritating so didn't tell them so be quieter). Luckily they left after a couple of songs.

[PhilomenaChristmasPie]

Oh, and he knows "the rules", but he can't always stop himself from disobeying them.

[PhilomenaChristmasPie]

Oh, and the only thing that will keep him occupied is a screen. Horrible as it is, that's our reality. He usually plays anti-stress games on it.

[DisorganisedOrganiser]

tiny, see I would find that really cute. It is Christmas. Lovely to hear children singing carols. It’s one of the best bits of Christmas!