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AIBU?

Yet another DD thread

42 replies

a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:02

I am really getting tired , DD is now over 11 and still giving us trouble and worry all the time.
Latest is finding out she finished a bottle of calpol 3/4 full( not all at once) and half of a neurofen brand new bottle.
I really am at my wits end. Every new problem we work on it, then something else happens. She can be reasonable if she likes( usually when she wants to avoid a consequence) but do I really need to explain at her age u don just take calpol ?? She addicted to sugar, lies, go check around my room or the kitchen as soon as she alone(prime example is as soon as i lock bathroom door), stole from people s home, lieing etc etc.
Dont think shes SN as she can behave if and when she likes, i d rather her not go counselling as where we live culture is very different.
What should I do, im out of ideas and to my immense shame i sometimes regret having her. Her sibiling is no angel but behaves normally for his age.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

37 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
68%
You are NOT being unreasonable
32%
a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:16

.

OP posts:
mindgoinground12 · 28/12/2019 12:19

This sounds difficult, did you get her physically checked out when she took the calpol? Paracetamol overdose is very serious, it needs locking away. If you haven't please do. It's worth going to your gp anyway for advice

nowayhose · 28/12/2019 12:19

I would put everything under lock and key so you can at least go to the toilet without worrying, and give punishments when she does things she's not allowed to do.

You say she can behave well when she wants to, so the key must be making her want to. Make the punishments work by sticking to them and not wavering.

I understand your reluctance to get further help, but if locking things away and sticking to punishments doesn't work, then you may have to as she could have special needs you are unaware of, and it would not be fair for you or your DD to try to manage any special needs unsupported.

OnceFreshFish · 28/12/2019 12:20

Your DD obviously has some serious issues and your responsibility as a parent is to find out what those underlying issues are and help her solve them. Locking the bathroom door won't get to the bottom of why on earth she wants to drink half a bottle of calpol - that isn't normal misbehaviour. You say she's addicted to sugar - what lead her to be addicted what's the root cause? You seem more concerned about the hassle she's causing you rather than her emotional wellbeing which sounds like it's very precarious at the moment. You definitely need outside help - put your DD before your culture (you don't need to tell anyone she's having counselling anyway).

Mrsjayy · 28/12/2019 12:20

If you don't want her to have counciing you don't want her labelled with special needs least you can do is get her checked over for taking to much paracetamol .and maybe lock it away so she can't swig from a bottle.any advice I would give you regarding behaviour you would probably reject

FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/12/2019 12:23

I understand the cultural thing but you can't ignore her issues in the hopes they'll resolve themselves because they won't. So you either confront them and for through supporting her needs and find out why she's behaving this way, or you ignore them, hope for the best and things will escalate.

Please look into outside support and advice. If you're UK based CAMHs aren't miracle workers but can offer guidance, support and advice. If you're outside of the UK what is the system for children there; can you research it and find a way to access a GP to ask for advice?

a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:28

No need for GP check, she read the label and only took a low dose(it was baby calpol anyway). I am concerned about her wellbeing, but I am allowed to be emotionally exhausted. Culture different in the sense of the counsellor approach, I couldnt give a shit about what other people think. I honestly dont believe the s SN and wouldnt want her mis diagnosed so she doesnt have excuses plus she could convince herself. Tried giving her less consequence as to try reduce lieing.

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Kazplus2 · 28/12/2019 12:32

Is it just good (sugary things etc.) That she is stealing? How would she react if her friends found out?

a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:35

A trigger seems to be just boredom, whens shes not engaged on smt will go and search for interesting things or sweets. We relaxed more about sweet foods in the hope that would curb her need for it but hasnt seemed to be working much. Main thing is i would like her not to lie and ask when she wants something,even tho at her age i understand some need to regain control for herself, so tried to let her but its very difficult when her freedom ends up in naughty or right stupid behaviour(like with calpol)
Maybe my fault for not explaining the dangers of medicine, i dont know

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Mrsjayy · 28/12/2019 12:35

But if you seek help from outside agencies then they might be able to give you tools to manage her behaviour because you are obviously struggling with her and exhausted.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 28/12/2019 12:36

No need for GP check, she read the label and only took a low dose(it was baby calpol anyway).

I'm confused by the calpol thing, she just took a small dose? Why? What's the actual problem if she had a headache?

It's not necessarily an issue with SN but there's clearly a reason for this behaviour either to do with a neurological difference (ADHD presents differently in girls and often worsens around pubity), emotional issues (bullying? Anxiety? Depression?) an issue within the family. You say you're exhausted but you don't seem interested in getting to the bottom of it - you're just dealing with the symptoms.

a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:36

Food and will touch things she is not allowed to(make up nd stuff, but not too bothered, would only like her to ask first IYKWIM). Stole from friend once hopefully not repeating that one.

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a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:39

pitterPatter I am interested in getting to the bottom, but cant see how, or if even ther is a bottom or is just misbehaviour. She took few small doses over about a week , problem is i suspect the reason is the sweet taste , no headache or similar, and no awareness to see the problem. She refuses to talk about it for now.

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GreenTulips · 28/12/2019 12:41

Give her a special treat tin she’s allowed anytime. Top it up with her favourites.

She’s growing and they are all hungry all the time.

If she wants makeup take her out and get her some.

She lies because she knows your reaction is to be angry - change that

a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:42

She just seems to have been on the edge between SN and NT for years without leaning towards one of them, so yes, i think i am mainly trying to deal with the symptoms as there s no time or energy left between them to thing of other stuff

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Mrsjayy · 28/12/2019 12:44

It sounds like she is seeking attention and boundaries not all children are able to self regulate if there is no boundary in place so of course she is going to eat sweets why wouldn't she .

SchoolPanicTime · 28/12/2019 12:44

@Stillagain the behaviour you describe is almost exactly like my niece who has ADHD diagnosed late. Boredom induced reckless behaviour, impulsive, almost seeking out trouble to occupy herself. It is not normal misbehaviour to sip on calpol for the sweet taste. You need to seek help.

a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:45

green tulips done all that,it helped in some ways, but for example i cant keep topping up a sweet tin every day? When she has money or we get them sweets i dont police what she does with hers, but surely we are still responsible for her health? There s plenty of fruit vegs and dips as hummus or yogurt she can have, even tho i admit in the past i flipped as every time bathroom lock went there she was , searching in high up cabinets etc.
But lately we r allowing her to just take anything as long she leaves for others and it isn't meal time. We ll see if she can follow those 2 simple rules.

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a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:47

mrs jay there are plenty boundaries she just refuses to respect any! This is the crux of the problem. No respect for any rules or boundaries, no matter how simple or sensible.

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Elbeagle · 28/12/2019 12:48

So you don’t want to see a GP, don’t want to pursue any form of investigation into SN and don’t want to get her any counselling... what do you think posters on here can help you with?

KMoKMo · 28/12/2019 12:49

mrs jay there are plenty boundaries she just refuses to respect any! This is the crux of the problem. No respect for any rules or boundaries, no matter how simple or sensible.


Then you need professional help before it gets even worse.

a12345b · 28/12/2019 12:50

Parenting advices?even if it was ADHD there would not be much to do other then parenting tecniques.

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Quartz2208 · 28/12/2019 12:50

So what do you think is causing the behaviour

The range ofSN diagnosis is wide and I suspect one would help you and her. Your attitude that she could hide behind it speaks volumes

Gazelda · 28/12/2019 12:53

Don't you want to try to understand why she is doing these things? You can't correct the behaviour if you don't understand the motivation.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/12/2019 12:53

I think it is worth making an appointment with a GP / paediatrician (whatever the system is where you are) and discussing the issues. I would also read up on how adhd and ASD present differently in girls, and think about whether any of it applies to your dd. It might be worth keeping a diary for a few weeks, noting what she eats / good and bad behaviour / any exercise / any screen time etc, and see if you can see any patterns.
FWIW at a similar age I did try taking various medications I found around the house. I can’t really explain my reasons, beyond wanting to find out what would happen. Obviously it wasn’t sensible, but there you go. All you can do is keep medicines locked away out of reach.

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