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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my H really doesn’t give a toss?

45 replies

OverByYer · 28/12/2019 10:28

I have exercise induced asthma which I manage with an inhaler. I went for a run this morning and in my rush to get out forgot to take it. A mile in I realised I was starting to get short of breath so headed home. By the time I got in I was gasping for breath. H is in the kitchen and I ask him to help me find my inhaler. I found one but it was empty so had to go and get one from the car, come back from the car to find H has gone back to watching TV. Didn’t even ask if I was OK.
AIBU to be really upset that he couldn’t care less?

OP posts:
SpudsAreLife84 · 28/12/2019 10:29

Bloody hell, you are not being unreasonable at all! I would be upset too,what a shit Sad

MrsMozartMkII · 28/12/2019 10:29

Is he always like this?

Original poster
OverByYer · 28/12/2019 10:33

I would t say he is unkind but also not very thoughtful

OP posts:
Dontdisturbmenow · 28/12/2019 10:38

If you were still running around looking for one, you were still ok. I wouldn't have been overly concerned myself in this situation (DD suffers asthma that can be exercised induced too).

I would have been if she'd been unable to talk and looking panicking, I would then have called an ambulance.

longwayoff · 28/12/2019 10:40

Firm words required OP. Quite possibly, like many, doesn't realise that asthma needs to be taken seriously. When you feel better, impress upon him that it's not an indulgent 'look at me' choice you have made and explain the circumstances in which he may need to call an ambulance for you. I hope you feel better soon.

misspiggy19 · 28/12/2019 10:43

If you were still running around looking for one, you were still ok. I wouldn't have been overly concerned myself in this situation (DD suffers asthma that can be exercised induced too).

^This. I couldn’t get worked up if my partner went for a run and forgot to take their inhaler.

Original poster
OverByYer · 28/12/2019 10:48

I couldn’t talk hence I couldn’t ask him to help me look for my inhaler

OP posts:
katseyes7 · 28/12/2019 10:51

l don't think people realise that asthma can be life threatening. A distant relative of mine had an asthma attack at a bus stop after leaving work. She died before the ambulance got there. She was 23.

Equanimitas · 28/12/2019 11:15

H is in the kitchen and I ask him to help me find my inhaler

I couldn’t talk hence I couldn’t ask him to help me look for my inhaler

Huh?

Original poster
OverByYer · 28/12/2019 11:21

All I could say was inhaler.

If it gives you pleasure to pull peoples posts apart crack on

OP posts:
DesignedForLife · 28/12/2019 11:34

YANBU. I have the same and OH will run to get me an inhaler, even always checks I have one before we go out for exercise.

thickwoollytights · 28/12/2019 11:35

Wow. Unkind, uncaring, thoughtless, selfish, self absorbed

Confused
Whatsnewpussyhat · 28/12/2019 11:40

In future you should use your inhaler before you start exercising to open up your lungs, not wait until you are suffering the effects of the exercise.

He should've helped you.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 28/12/2019 11:43

If you were able to go out to the car I’d have assumed you were ok too.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 28/12/2019 11:45

Also- and this isn’t meant to be patronising but I’m sure will come across that way- could you have a box/basket sitting by the door always with full inhaler in it so you always know exactly where it is even if you have others in the car/handbag etc?

billy1966 · 28/12/2019 11:48

Awful OP.
Really awful.

That would give me massive pause for thought.
Massive.🙄

Wishing you well💐

busybarbara · 28/12/2019 11:51

Is this a common occurrence? A lot of people with disabilities don’t want people fussing over it. Maybe he saw you has got one from the car so went back to whatever he was doing.

Orangesandlemons123 · 28/12/2019 11:54

Blimey... some responses! I know full well the effects of asthma. You are being far from unreasonable. There is a massive difference between being ok and "running around for an inhaler"... asthma can be life threatening. I'm am not surprised you feel this way about your partner's actions. I hope you are feeling better from the attack now?

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 28/12/2019 11:55

Pp's comments on here are awful. It doesn't matter if OP was still walking around, she asked her husband to help her find her medication to help her breathe. He should have continued to help, offering to go to the car and then obviously asked if you are okay. Asthma can be fatal and the blasé attitude towards it really fucks me off.

aroundtheworldyet · 28/12/2019 11:57

Surely someone would say “oh my god are you ok”can I help.
Etc
Etc
It’s normal

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 28/12/2019 11:59

Asthma can be fatal and the blasé attitude towards it really fucks me off.

Tbh I think not making sure you use inhaler before you exercise, not taking inhaler with you when you exercise, not replacing empty inhaler and not having a dedicated place for your inhaler in the house when you know you have asthma, know it can be fatal, and know it’s induced by exercise is pretty blasé and probably sets the tone for how the rest of the family treat your asthma.

thickwoollytights · 28/12/2019 12:01

is pretty blasé and probably sets the tone for how the rest of the family treat your asthma.

That's a really good point

Whilst I do think your husband was being very uncaring and selfish -- maybe he takes his cue from you?

Buccanarab · 28/12/2019 12:08

If you, the person with the potential life threatening condition, can't even be bothered to make sure you have your medication with you, or even know where it is, I don't think you can then get pissed off at your DH's own lax attitude towards it.

LatteLady · 28/12/2019 12:12

I wonder if it is worth getting him to have a chat with your asthma nurse? With chronic conditions like asthma, epilepsy and diabetes, people tend to downplay them and think that because they are often successfully controlled by drugs that there is no risk. Whereas you know this not always the case, all three can deteriorate very rapidly with grim consequences.

Great idea about the emergency basket, could have done with that years ago when I had an asthmatic flat mate.

AgentJohnson · 28/12/2019 12:15

If you, the person with the potential life threatening condition, can't even be bothered to make sure you have your medication with you, or even know where it is, I don't think you can then get pissed off at your DH's own lax attitude towards it.

This with bells on.

Your H is an arse but your behaviour is much worse. Take your condition seriously and sort your shit out before you are the victim of your own negligence.