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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family have been here for a week now aaargggh!

39 replies

PrettyTricky · 28/12/2019 10:02

Have had family staying since last weekend. Have cooked (every single meal including Christmas dinner), cleaned and laundered, entertained, catered to endless drink orders and tried to remain happy and festive. My visiting family have done next to nothing; no offers to help clear up after dinner etc, no tidying generally but lots of sitting around watching endless rubbish on tv and generally driving me to distraction with their quirks and frankly general presence at times. I want to scream. It has not a been a relaxing Christmas at all, it's just a load of extra work.

Feel bad for DP, it's not even his family, and he's put up with it with good grace for a whole week now, but it's even wearing thin with him now. I can't do this next year, I think 3 nights is my max for visitors staying. I really do love my family, but this is just too much. Am I being unreasonable, or should I be given a sainthood? Xmas ConfusedHalo

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 28/12/2019 10:04

Give them jobs to do. Yes it would be nice if they offered but sometimes people think they’d be seen as interfering. Or they’re just lazy and need a kick up the arse.

FiveShelties · 28/12/2019 10:06

Suggest you go to their house next Christmas

BouleBaker · 28/12/2019 10:06

Fuck me, do they think you’re an unpaid Serf? Go on strike!

Dacquoise · 28/12/2019 10:11

They are treating your hospitality as an unpaid holiday. You are doing far too much for them and need to step back and ask them to help you. Perhaps they can cook for you or treat you to some takeaways. As for the drinks orders, tell them to help themselves and you'll have two sugars in yours. If you don't speak up and set boundaries they will exploit you.

bumblingbovine49 · 28/12/2019 10:15

3 nights is my max for visitors staying.

The old saying that 'fish and guest both start to go off after 3 days' is something I bear in mind when visiting and when hosting.

3 nights in someone else's house or with guests in my house is usually my maximum, unless it is an emergency or rare one off.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/12/2019 10:16

3 days max

CornishPorsche · 28/12/2019 10:18

Dish out the jobs. They'll soon fuck off.

SalmonFajitas · 28/12/2019 10:19

YANBU. Staying for a night or two max you can get away with being treated like a guest, brought cups of tea, don't clear up after dinner (although Christmas dinner is the exception where everyone apart from the chef should tidy away) etc. Staying for a week you should be automatically offering to clear up, take the hosts out for a meal or cook a meal.

Bunnylady54 · 28/12/2019 10:22

YADNBU! And a week is too long over Christmas I think. Delegate a bit as they are taking advantage. I wouldn’t dream if not offering to help if I was a guest.

Bunnylady54 · 28/12/2019 10:22

Of not if!

Equanimitas · 28/12/2019 10:27

Why did you invite them for so long? Next year tell them it's someone else's turn.

paranoidmum2 · 28/12/2019 10:32

I wouldn’t be inviting them over again. Are they equally hospitable to you?

Why don’t you tell them to do dishes, tidy up etc?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 28/12/2019 10:32

When are they leaving? I'd make no plans for the remaining meals and ask them who is sorting what. If nothing happens go out for food with your nuclear family and leave them to it.

Mishappening · 28/12/2019 10:33

I stayed with DD and family over Christmas even though they live only 15 minutes away. They wanted me to be there for Christmas morning and the stockings. I spent Christmas Day with OH in his nursing home, then back to theirs for a meal - stayed Xmas night too as I do not like driving in the dark.

But I came home Boxing Day - they asked me to stay longer, but I believe it is important for them to have family time together as they all work so hard - time off is precious for them.

So....two night - quite enough I feel.

I am sorry to hear that your family are not offering to help - unbelievable!

maddiemookins16mum · 28/12/2019 10:48

I don’t normally ask this on these threads but........is your DP helping too??

ClemDanFango · 28/12/2019 10:53

How fucking rude of them not to chip in! Lazy bastards!

GreenTulips · 28/12/2019 10:54

It’s a rule in this house if I cook the other cleans - if you don’t have this rule you should!!

I would say quite loudly ‘who’s turn is it to clean the kitchen? Mine a large wine when you get a minute’

Be bolshy woman!!

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 28/12/2019 10:56

Remember this when you’re making your Christmas arrangements next year.

OrangeSlices998 · 28/12/2019 10:58

Stop being a martyr! Sit down, elbow whoever is next to you and ask them to put the kettle on and make a round of tea. Crikey.

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 11:00

Who are they? When can they leave? Why aren't you saying anything?

Original poster
PrettyTricky · 28/12/2019 11:01

Yes he's been great, he's done the after meal tidy pots wash and dishwasher plates etc and managed to remain cheerful. He's definitely done his bit.
My mother has sat on her arse and done absolutely nothing, and occasionally had a huff about something as is her wont. And don't get me started on food fussiness. It's always been the same, but it's usually only for an overnight and not so noticeable. We moved in summer and they now live a flight away, hence the week long stay.
Never again!! I was really looking forward to this week as I've missed them, but jeezo this is torture!

OP posts:
Teaandcrisps · 28/12/2019 11:03

How exhausting - when do they go?

LittleTinselTown · 28/12/2019 11:10

I would just tell my family if I felt like that instead of silently slaving away.

Whiskers14 · 28/12/2019 11:19

Why are you waiting on them hand and foot? Give them each a tea towel and tell them to muck in! There's no way I'd let mine sit on their arses for a week and do nothing while I ran around like a headless chicken.

Original poster
PrettyTricky · 28/12/2019 11:20

I did have a row with my mum the other day about lack of helping, which only resulted in her having a sulk for a few hours.

I'm currently hiding in the bedroom. Grin
They leave tomorrow.

OP posts: