Family have been here for a week now aaargggh!

[PrettyTricky]

Have had family staying since last weekend. Have cooked (every single meal including Christmas dinner), cleaned and laundered, entertained, catered to endless drink orders and tried to remain happy and festive. My visiting family have done next to nothing; no offers to help clear up after dinner etc, no tidying generally but lots of sitting around watching endless rubbish on tv and generally driving me to distraction with their quirks and frankly general presence at times. I want to scream. It has not a been a relaxing Christmas at all, it's just a load of extra work.

Feel bad for DP, it's not even his family, and he's put up with it with good grace for a whole week now, but it's even wearing thin with him now. I can't do this next year, I think 3 nights is my max for visitors staying. I really do love my family, but this is just too much. Am I being unreasonable, or should I be given a sainthood?

I think a week is far too long to stay . I get it if they have come far but can they not in future break it up to stay a couple of days with other family/ friends ?
I mean even my own family I live with I wanted a couple of hours on my own after 2 days but extended family I'd go mad cooking and cleaning etc. I bet they are having a great time and don't want to leave .

I did have a row with my mum the other day about lack of helping, which only resulted in her having a sulk for a few hours.

In that case you have a legitimate excuse to make it only three days next year – "Sorry Mum, we won't be hosting everyone for a week because as I raised with you, we didn't get any help and it was too exhausting and not much fun for us." Job done!

As she's leaving give her a hug and say cheerfully 'let's never do this again'

If they’re leaving tomorrow this is your perfect chance for a night off. Start now by yawning and saying how exhausted you are and that you don’t think you can face cooking tonight. Then leave it there. Don’t mention dinner again. Don’t start to cook anything. See If they offer to take you out for dinner as a thank you/last night thing. (You must NOT suggest this as it it will be assumed you’re paying) or if not they might suggest cooking. But even if they don’t- you mustn’t cave! If you get hungry make yourself a toastie or some pasta and if anyone sniffs about it you say “well I did say earlier I wouldn’t be cooking this evening as I’m so exhausted from doing so all week”

You have my sympathy! I'm in the same boat. My dad and stepmum have been with us since the 18th of December (they've come from abroad) and were supposed to fly home on boxing day, but my stepmum's come down with flu or something and was too ill to travel and so they are still here. I've been cooking, cleaning, washing (although DH has done some of the cooking and helps with the kids), and put up with the awful stuff my dad wants to watch on TV, as well as ferrying them around to various hospital and doctors appointments, pharmacies and shops, I've brought my stepmum drinks and food in bed as she's been feeling too dizzy to get up. I'm not sure how much longer they're going to be here. Once she's feeling well enough to fly their travel insurance will arrange new flights for them. It could be next year...

But why haven't you confronted your Dad? Why isn't he caring for his wife?

Why do you put yourself and your DH through this hell?

You're learning the lesson I learned a few years ago.

Invite to Christmas dinner if you must (mother in her own etc)
Ditto a Boxing Day visit.
If possible invite no one, minimise the whole thing, reduce the workload, precook foods and buy convenience.
That way you actually enjoy the fun and rest time

Husband is from a country a short flight away. We had his mum over for a week this year, she’s lovely but by night four I was done.
I definitely think 3/4 nights is the maximum as a guest or hosting guests before you all start to get rubbed up the wrong way a little bit.

Did they offer to get a takeaway last night as a treat to you all?

My mind is boggled at the thought of being a guest and offering no help to the hosts at all, it’s just so rude 😒

Slightly different but we have five adults in the house for the last three weeks, when I am used to just me and Dd3 at weekends.
Dd1 and 2 are back from uni, DH back from working overseas.

Dh will be here til mid jan, dd2 goes back 2nd, dd1 and 3 go back on the 6th.

It works because everyone pulls their weight.
The rules are as follows:

If you cook someone else clears up.
If
I'll do laundry if it is put in the basket on the landing, you put your own away.

Posted too soon there... but you get the drift.

And these are my own adult kids and dh.
Extended family or friends staying for more than a couple of nights would be expected to pitch in too

We had family staying a few Christmases ago, 6 of them in all for 4 days. Before they came I asked them if they could help with the cooking, so I didn't have to do all the meals.

So to 'help' my BIL spent hours making mince pies from scratch. Took over the kitchen and made a complete mess.

Fuck all help really. I still had to cook every meal and DH did most of the clearing up. I've not had them back

How rude of your family.

Hope they have left early today and you get your house back.