Morning vs Night person

[44PumpLane]

I may be entirely unreasonable and happy to hear it but I am starting to find this one trait in my husband quite annoying and want to know if it's just me.

For context he's a wonderful man, does more than his fair share of cooking, cleaning, laundry, parenting.

He is not a morning person, according to him I am a morning person.

This means that when the kids (3 year old twins) wake at 6.30/7 he gets annoyed, which I think is unfair as that's a perfectly reasonable time for kids to wake.

If he gets up with them in a morning, when I finally come down (by about 9am fully dressed and ready), he will disappear off for ages to have a relaxing bath to recover from the ordeal of having been up so early.

Later in the day he may even require a nap as he's so tired- which irritates me.

He then can't sleep until late at night (modnight/1am etc) whereas I will go to bed by about 10pm.

Sometimes we argue and his point is that as I physically can go to bed early and sleep then I should and I can get up with the kids at 7, because even when I lie in I'm usually awake by 8am anyway.

My point is that sometimes I want to stay up late to have some child free time to myself and have a leisurely browse of my phone in the morning.

His constant "I'm tired" has annoyed me so much that I've been up with the kids every day over the Christmas hols as it just feels like the easier option, but AIBU to find this incredibly irritating? Or is this genuinely something that people are afflicted with?

In the uk it's 4.

Which is why tne timeline makes no sense

My DH and I are both night people, me moreso, but since having our DC (also twins 2yo) we’ve adapted, it’s just what you do as a parent. DH used to have mega lie ins at the weekend, up early during the week for work - now he’s up early every day because we need to be. I prefer to be up for an hour or so before the twins wake (doesn’t always work out as they’re on their own schedule no matter how much I try to sleep train them 😂) so I can imbibe as much caffeine as I can manage then I get going. I do feel a lull in the mid afternoon when the twins are napping but I use that time to blitz the housework and then my energy levels rebalance (still up to 1-2am most nights though!). Seems to me your DH is using his ‘night person’ rhetoric as an excuse to me.

My 2

It really doesnt matter.

He's 11 now.
I've known them all his life.
It was a comment about people with early rising kids who say they've tried everything get them to sleep in and complain about how nothing will work for them. But refuse to do what I would think are the basics.

For 3 years we heard the complaints about her early rising kids, as soon as they got a reasonable late school-night bedtime (7.30/8pm), the problem miraculously fixed itself.
When he was 7 she told me he had never been up later than 9pm.
My point was that in which case, she obviously hadn't tried everything all those years before. I suggested many times keeping him awake later at night, but it wasn't possible apparently.

She is just one of my friends who have had this problem.
If a kid is an early riser, fine. Some are. But don't complain if you're not prepared to put the sleep training effort in.
Might not work, but try it, at least.

You said she had tried everything, I assume that meant she did try sleep training. Keeping a toddler up untill 10pm is not sleep training. Also when mine where toddlers if they went to bed later they still woke at stupid oclo'clock so I completely understand her saying putting them to bed later wasn't possible because she knew the outcome far better than you.

I’m neither , I equally hate being up late as much as I despise being up early .
I’m a morning person on holiday though which is weird ..
I think 6:30 is pretty early if that’s the time they wake up everyday .
Even when my dd was little she still didn’t wake up till 7:30 ish at the earliest

you are not alone...my wife also is annoyed from this situation . I am also a night person and she doesn't like it at all

I had a quick morning routine for years so little reindeer may be right. It's different for everyone family. If you do everything the night before and just get up, washed, dressed and fed then leave, you can do it very quickly. I would always rather extra time in bed.

Also I trained my children to sleep in later, it is possible. I also used to make any little ones staying over stay in bed a little younger ie my cousins children, my friends son and my sisters children, who I looked after regularly. It is very possible.

I think that some people are morning people so fine but some people aren't but martyr themselves to the holy grail of waking up early.

I also think you are being unfair to those who are night people. If your husband is happy to be up late, tidy and sorting, ready for the next day then the morning person should be happy to get up with the children. It should be working for both people.

Also it is easier to train children to wake up later then people on this thread believe. Have they ever even tried?

Why flirty? If children are expected to sleep train and it's so easy then why arnt night people so eager to sleep train themselves to fit around their children?

After all sleep training is soooo easy after all 😉😠

I also think you are being unfair to those who are night people. If your husband is happy to be up late, tidy and sorting, ready for the next day then the morning person should be happy to get up with the children. It should be working for both people.

These two things are not the same. In the OP’s situation, her husband is expecting her to match her sleep schedule to the children’s with the result that all her waking hours are spent with them. While he gets child-free time every evening. Do you really think pottering around on your own at night is the same level of ‘work’ as getting up at 6:30am with small children day after day?

flirty if its so easy to train children to lie in then why can't adults train themselves to go to sleep earlier and therefore wake earlier?! It either works both ways or not at all. And I don't want to train the children to get up later as it will make life more difficult theough the week when we have nursery and childcare drop offs to sort before I go to work.

AppropriateAdult thank you, this is exactly the point I'm trying to make regarding my irritation.

I do think my solution has been found now though, and I will be discussing with DH to implement in the new year. Early adventures for the kids and I, and he can then take them for a couple of hours in the afternoon so I get some child free time too.

I am definitely a night person. No question... however I have to suck it up and get on with it now we have a 4yo.
I'm happiest going to bed in the early hours and sleeping in though. Haven't done that for a long time 😔

And I haven't had any success training him to sleep later in the mornings. He did as a baby!