Morning vs Night person

[44PumpLane]

I may be entirely unreasonable and happy to hear it but I am starting to find this one trait in my husband quite annoying and want to know if it's just me.

For context he's a wonderful man, does more than his fair share of cooking, cleaning, laundry, parenting.

He is not a morning person, according to him I am a morning person.

This means that when the kids (3 year old twins) wake at 6.30/7 he gets annoyed, which I think is unfair as that's a perfectly reasonable time for kids to wake.

If he gets up with them in a morning, when I finally come down (by about 9am fully dressed and ready), he will disappear off for ages to have a relaxing bath to recover from the ordeal of having been up so early.

Later in the day he may even require a nap as he's so tired- which irritates me.

He then can't sleep until late at night (modnight/1am etc) whereas I will go to bed by about 10pm.

Sometimes we argue and his point is that as I physically can go to bed early and sleep then I should and I can get up with the kids at 7, because even when I lie in I'm usually awake by 8am anyway.

My point is that sometimes I want to stay up late to have some child free time to myself and have a leisurely browse of my phone in the morning.

His constant "I'm tired" has annoyed me so much that I've been up with the kids every day over the Christmas hols as it just feels like the easier option, but AIBU to find this incredibly irritating? Or is this genuinely something that people are afflicted with?

as toddlers my kids natural wake up time was 5.30 nothing changed that untill they where ready to change that.

Would you have said the same if their natural waking time was 4.30 ....
Fwiw, 5.30 would be way too early for me. I'd be dead on my feet for the rest of the day no matter how much of a routine I tried to make it. So I would definitely be shifting the kids sleep and wake times. Always managed around 7am with our kids which seems reasonable.

Lmao with that getting ready for school post you're definitely pulling our legs
I’m genuinely puzzled why you’d need more time to get ready for school? I went to school myself and 7.45 was always plenty of time.

The world is split into Larks, Robins and Owls. It is in your genetic code and inherited.

I’m a robin. Go to sleep about 11, wake up about 7. This is what the majority of the population are.

Dh is an owl. He does my head in!!! He likes to go to bed late and get up late. Dd is the same. I’m usually awake 3 hours before them.

Dh and Dd are full of energy and bounce at 8:00pm. I’m like a chewed piece of string. I’m lively and awake at 10:30 am, they are still 1/2 awake.

Having said that, people can adapt.

LittleReindeer
If they don’t need to be up till 7.30 then why are they getting up at 6.30? It just seems unnecessary.

I shall ask my 3 year old why they wake up anywhere from 6.30 to 8am (usually 6.30-7)....im sure there will be a perfectly logical answer from them as to why they don't lie in longer?!?!

Some nursery days I have to wake them up, other days they wander in to my room at 5.55am! They are 3....they pretty much wake when they wake!

Piixxiiee I've wondered if I shoiod just do this. Set an alarm so I'm up and washed and ready then when I've got the kids breakfasted we could go out and have a morning adventure. I think I feel like we are wasting weekends by the time everyone gets ready to go, I think this may be my new 2020 plan..... Up and out at the weekend and the kids and I will have a lovely time together and then my husband can have them for an hour or two when we are back from our adventure which would give me the quiet time that I also need!

If he didn't have the tv, the phone and a laptop would he still be up until midnight? Not much you can do short of breaking them or hiding them but it's easy to be a night owl and basically just watch TV

Hmm mm the majority of primary schools have start times between 8.30 and 8.50, I haven't come across any that start as late as 9.

@ LittleReindeer I couldn’t cope with only having 45 mins between waking up and needing to leave. That would cause so much stress.
We leave at 8 and get up at 6:30.
How old are your children because your views seem quite unrealistic?

I believe in morning people and night owls.
I am the morning person and always was up before the kids. So I did the all the mornings.
DH is a night owl, so he did all the bedtimes because I’d often fall asleep putting the kids to bed.

It was a bit extra work for me when they were young, but now they are older/teens/adults DH has the extra work. If DD is at a party until 1am and needs a lift home...DH does it because I am long asleep by then but he’s still up.

So, talk with your DH, day you’re paying it forward. You do the kids early mornings extra work now and when they are older and doing the teen late night stuff, then he’s the one doing the extra work.

Littlereindeer you need to factor in more time with young children getting ready for school because most will not play along to your short timetable in the morning.

I'm a night person. I don't function fully untill 10 in the morning, but am happy to go to bed at 2 am. It was hell when the dc were at school, but I had to get up and about.

I cannot sleep if I go to bed early, I toss and turn and fall asleep even later than I normally would. My go to was a nap in the afternoon, I was privileged to be able to do this.

My dh is a morning person, he cannot grasp i just can't go to bed and sleep at 10 pm. On the other hand he is not functioning after 12.

It was bliss when the dc started sleeping late, even better when they started being self-sufficient. Now I'm menopausal and my sleep-pattern is shot .

Me, dp and dd are night people. We easily sleep in and hate early starts, leaves us all grumpy. If i have to be up early, I normally always have an afternoon nap.
DD starts school at 9 but has to be on school bus about 8.15. She gets up at 7 - 7.30 to leave by 8. Its a struggle for all of us. No way do I need to wake her earlier.
We schedule appointments as late as possible otherwise we risk sleeping through alarms.

But despite this none of us fall asleep before 11pm or later. We hit 9.30 to 10 and no matter what we get an energy burst, even if we all layed in bed, we would lie awake cos our minds wake back up.
It's now the Aus summer so it's not even dark or cooling down at 9pm, most of the time we have just sat down to dinner.

Mine have always woke up early. But I’ve always had a 7:30/8 bedtime and that time to myself in the evening is not something I was willing to sacrifice. Thank goodness they can now get up in the morning and leave me alone until 8/9.
Single parent so never had a choice. When I was with a partner though I resented them lying in bed. Found it easier alone.

We might have to start getting up at 7.45. School doesn’t start till 9. That’s 15 minutes for breakfast, 30 minutes to get ready and 30 minutes to drive to school. Why would you need more than that?

This made me laugh. Have fun with that

Also there's few schools that start at 9 anymore. They're 8.30 here.

@squeekums
Ooh yes the energy-burst, doesn't morning people get that?

Squeekums in different in tne uk. Tne majority don't have school buses and need parents to take children to school. This involves getting everyone ready to leave tne house by a certain time including younger Sibson, not just the school children. I certainly couldn't do that on your timetable so we get up earlier.

Love the idea that you can somehow train your children to wake up at 8!!

I think for most of us this is impossible. Babies and toddlers generally wake frequently throughout the night and start the day early. That’s what they do. Then when they’re children they might not be so demanding during the night but typically their body clock still wakes them early.

ImperfectPresents

If he didn't have the tv, the phone and a laptop would he still be up until midnight? Not much you can do short of breaking them or hiding them but it's easy to be a night owl and basically just watch TV

This is a really good point. Often he will do things around the house or do work on his laptop (self employed) but 9 times out of 10 he'll probably be sat on his mobile reading dross online and watching TV!!

I also like the idea of "paying it forward" where he does all the taxiing later in life.

He's just retreated to the bath.... I'm taking the kids out!!!!

Really @my2bundles didn’t know that, at my sons primary school the school day starts at 9:10, but you can drop off from 8:45 if you don’t want to use breakfast club which opens at 8.

I don't know any schools that start that late Simon.. The majority start at 8.40 and finish at 3pm.

Ever since a teenager I've had a preferencefor staying up late and waking up late.

My nan is often up until 3.a.m. while my grandfather is in bed by 8.p.m. He gets up at 5/6 some mornings! He's retired.

I think sleeping is a very different lie-in to playing on your phone. As a couple you need to work together to find the best way for everyone to have enough sleep. I can see your OH's point to be honest. he does need to pull his weight, of course, but as a night person (married to another one) I can tell you that getting up at 6:30 is exhausting. You can't just go to sleep earlier - your body just will not sleep. So either one of my or my OH would go back to bed for another hour's kip once the other person got up when our kids were little (if that fitted with plans). I think you need to believe him a bit more when he says he's tired. Why is his tiredness irritating to you?

Anyone arriving after 8.50 gets a late mark.

Both DC here have always been 6am types since the moment they were born. Fortunately DH and I are both 6am people, too, but I think I'd be resentful if he consistently made me do the mornings while he lay in.

He is Father to three year old twins. Of course he's tired. It's par for the course. He'll be less tired when they go to University. Until then he'll have to step up.

I'm a morning person and DH is the opposite - when we had small ones he could do the later night feeding etc and I'd do the mornings, I'd also have a bath when he got up and a snooze as I would do the middle of the night wakes - it's all about trying to work as a team and both getting down time too

Most schools in my area start at 8.55-9.05