Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I did the right thing

46 replies

Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 22:51

Was with ex dp for 5 years. In the end I was doing all the cleaning, shopping etc because I have an office job and he was on his feet all day at his job. Had an OK relationship with his parents and his mum was very happy when we got engaged. His dad said 'oh'. His older sister never really made any effort with me and nor did his younger brother but I always tried and was polite. My DF had cancer last year (was caught early and he is now in remission) and his last round of chemo was January 2019...I was excitedly telling ex dp parents this and his mum just says 'well at his age he will just get something else and that will kill him) ex dp just said oh she didn't mean it etc etc. It then came to light ex dp had kept a secret from me this whole time ad was arrested for looking at inappropriate images before meeting me and had to go to some sort of counseling and report to police every so often. He made no effort with my family despite me trying with his. But we had the same sense of humor and he helped me when I was I'll. He just became lazy and uninterested in the wedding plans and his mum's comments Andre fact he didn't tell her to shut up really upset me. Its been 8 months but I still miss him terribly. He refuses to speak to me. I did the right thing though?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 27/12/2019 22:52

You are seriously considering going back to a man who was arrested for looking at inappropriate images?

QueenOfTheFae · 27/12/2019 22:52

. It then came to light ex dp had kept a secret from me this whole time ad was arrested for looking at inappropriate images before meeting me and had to go to some sort of counseling and report to police every so often.

Even without anything else, yes you did the right thing

Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 22:55

I don't know the ins and outs as he didn't like to talk about it. I feel guilty because I just kicked him out.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 27/12/2019 22:56

You need some counselling. This man is appalling. Why would you want a relationship with him at all?

Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 22:56

My parents said he had made a mistake and weren't bothered by it. But they are Christian so I don't know.

OP posts:
Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 22:59

I just feel guilty of how I dumped him because I was fed up of him being lazy, the fact his mum made comments about my dad and obviously the arrest bit. I can't explain things well I'm sorry.

OP posts:
MitziK · 27/12/2019 22:59

Don't feel guilty about it. You did absolutely the right thing and DON'T REGRET IT FOR AN INSTANT.

Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 23:00

What about if I hadn't mentioned the arrest part?

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 27/12/2019 23:03

The vote-

is it Yanbu to break up or yabu to want to go back to him?? Or what?

FreedomfromPE · 27/12/2019 23:04

Never go back. You made a choice. Respect that it was the right one. Nostalgia is terrible when we look back we can be selective. You decided on balance he/ it was not your future. It's OK to have regret, but don't repeat history. Move forward.

HollowTalk · 27/12/2019 23:05

Look, without the arrest thing, I'd think you would regret it if you took him back. With the arrest, you'd be crazy to take him back.

Why not go to the police station and find out exactly what he did?

mediumbrownmug · 27/12/2019 23:06

I can’t tell if this is a serious thread or not, but if you’re actually considering going back to a man with his record, I’m appalled. Leaving was absolutely the right thing. Your parents have nothing to do with it whatsoever, and if they’re ok with him being around your children then they’re insane.

Travis1 · 27/12/2019 23:07

Stop looking back and if you can’t see the red flags flying all over from
Him then I’d suggest attempting to get some counselling

OrangeSlices998 · 27/12/2019 23:09

YABU if you haven’t looked into this arrest and tried to find more information to understand what he did. It sounds like it could be child pornography? In which case you did the right thing and don’t doubt it for a second.

Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 23:10

Thank you all. I was hoping this was the response I would get. I couldn't understand my parents reaction either.

OP posts:
ineedaholiday11 · 27/12/2019 23:11

Perhaps I'm being in charitable, but you don't get Arrested for looking at inappropriate pictures by accident. Sounds like you have dodged a bullet.

ineedaholiday11 · 27/12/2019 23:11

Uncharitable, not in charitable🤦‍♀️

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 27/12/2019 23:12

I mean this nicely OP, but give your head a wobble. Come on.

Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 23:14

I guess I am being nostalgic as we had same interest's and humor. I just wish his family hadn't been so weird and he had never looked at inappropriate images of 12 yr old girls (that is all I know about what he was arrested for looking at)

OP posts:
TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 27/12/2019 23:18

He was arrested for looking at inappropriate images.
His parents weren’t very nice.
He was lazy and uninterested in the wedding
He made no effort with your family.

Take off the rose tinted glasses. You’ll meet someone else who can make you laugh.

Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas · 27/12/2019 23:18

Inappropriate? You mean images of child sexual abuse. You don't get arrested for images of children playing Fortnite or whatever. So if you have shared interests... you did a strong thing in getting rid but you also sound really weak.

user1473878824 · 27/12/2019 23:19

OP, even if he didn’t mention the arrest, it’s bad. But also LYING about something that huge is dreadful. You have nothing to feel guilty about. 2020 is the year you don’t have to deal with him and his awful family.

Elieza · 27/12/2019 23:20

You deserve better than him. You did the right thing.

Birdnerd · 27/12/2019 23:21

Thank you everyone I know it was the right thing just couldn't understand why I still miss him.

OP posts:
FeigningHorror · 27/12/2019 23:24

If you miss him, remind yourself of the coerced and abused twelve year olds he used as wank fodder.