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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

31 replies

Bug8 · 27/12/2019 22:21

I am feeling upset with my partner and his son right now that I have gone quiet on them. We were invited to spend Christmas with my sister and her family. My brother's kids were also there. I have been with my partner for close to two years now and this is the first Christmas with my family. We were invited to stay the night at my sister's so we could relax, drink and party without having to rush home. We had planned to go to my partner's mum on Boxing Day so staying over at my sister's was a good option. So come Christmas Day, we headed to my sister's, she had invited some of her friends for Christmas dinner. My sister & her husband really tried hard to make sure everyone is made to feel comfortable and welcome.

In the afternoon, my sister's friend and kids played music for us, it was great to see the kids get into it, it was fun. Then afterwards, my sister played music too from her selection on YouTube for everyone to enjoy, she then asked my partner what music he enjoys, he never really told her. She also asked my partner's son the same question but he also didn't say so she went through some artists but they just said no they didn't like those artists. But the friend's kids requested some songs which were played. Come Boxing Day, she made brunch and we left for partner's mum's place at around midday. Today, my partner and his son were telling his mum about Christmas with my sister and mentioned how they were tortured with the crap music & how only thick people listen to such ridiculous music. His son spent the whole day avoiding the other kids and after we had left my sister's, he said how they were very different in their mental state and how the other kids were too thick that he couldn't see himself socialising with them. To be honest, am upset and feel like I will never take them to my family again.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/12/2019 22:24

How old is his son?

They sound really snobby tbh and not the kind of people I'd want to be around.

GiBlues · 27/12/2019 22:25

I’d seriously be questioning my relationship with a person that looks down his nose on my family, especially when they’ve gone out of their way to try and make them so welcome.
And his son just sounds like a stuck mini me version of his father. LovelyHmm

GiBlues · 27/12/2019 22:26

Stuck up*

Original poster
Bug8 · 27/12/2019 22:26

Just to say, am not mad at his son cos he's only a kid, he's 13 years old..........am just too upset to be nice at the moment.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2019 22:27

I can see why you’re upset but not speaking to them isn’t going to help. Tell them you hear they didn’t have a good time but it’s hurtful to be unkind about your relatives who made an effort to host and include them. I’d be especially upset your partner is being so childish and rude. Have you seen this side of him before? How old is his son?

CalleighDoodle · 27/12/2019 22:27

Id also be questioning my relationship with people who were so bloody rude

FreedomfromPE · 27/12/2019 22:31

Ghastly people who think their particular tastes are linked to their intelligence and don't have any conversational skills or appreciation of someone's hosting efforts. I can see why you're stepping back.

blueluce85 · 27/12/2019 22:33

I'd be mad at his son. 13 years is old enough to know better... However, he is behaving just like his dad.

I also couldn't associate with rude snobby people like that

SalmonFajitas · 27/12/2019 22:36

I'd expect that from a 13 year old but not a fully grown man. How rude when they had hosted him for Christmas and tried to make him feel welcome.

Ihavethefinalsleigh · 27/12/2019 22:37

Music is a very personal thing and people can get quite emotional about it. This could explain things but it doesn’t excuse the rudeness. In spite of not liking the music, they should have made an effort.

Instagrump · 27/12/2019 22:41

Today, my partner and his son were telling his mum about Christmas with my sister and mentioned how they were tortured with the crap music & how only thick people listen to such ridiculous music. His son spent the whole day avoiding the other kids and after we had left my sister's, he said how they were very different in their mental state and how the other kids were too thick that he couldn't see himself socialising with them.

And this is when you should have corrected them to your partner's mum that your DSis was a very thoughtful and generous host and for some unknown reason your snobbish DP and his son refused to participate in the festivities and sat there being rude and sullen like teenagers, which only excuses the 13 year old, not her adult son!

They should be ashamed of their snobbish attitude. Please reconsider your relationship. God forbid you one day marry him and he puts down your "thick" and "chavvy" family.

Winterdaysarehere · 27/12/2019 22:45

New year = new bf imo...

bionicnemonic · 27/12/2019 22:47

There’s far more kudos to being kind than there is from snobbish affectation. I would also be inclined to mention to your partner that teaching a child by example is an important responsibility and that it would be wise of him to ensure his son could be down to earth...no one likes standoffish behaviour (including you by the sound of it)

IAmUniquelyMe · 27/12/2019 22:48

You have a right to be upset. By mocking your family, they are mocking you. The fact that they think nothing of doing it in front of you speaks volumes.

Don't bottle it up. Tell them both how you feel and then leave. Life is too short for you to put up with such nonsense. Go and find someone else that will respect you.

BeanTownNancy · 27/12/2019 22:50

I don't like the same comedians as my in-laws (Lee Evans Envy - not envy) but I don't think I'm better than them because of it... I think that's where it goes from "a bit rude" to "being a dick", in calling them thick for their personal taste.

JustASmallTownCurl · 27/12/2019 22:51

Your other half sounds like a prick. Nice to people's faces then tells his mummy how "thick" they are? Nah.

Not that unusual for 13 year olds but even less surprising if he's been exposed to a dickhead dad for years!

I'd be really upset and would have to speak to my partner about it if I was you. And if he wasn't a bit mortified or said I was making a fuss over nothing I'd be very tempted to bin him off tbh.

MoonlightMistletoe · 27/12/2019 22:57

I'd be upset and angry too perhaps they should have suggested some artists they liked instead of ignoring the question. What a dick your boyfriend is.

cstaff · 27/12/2019 22:59

Well OP, no secret where it comes from. Like father like son. So they were happy enough to be wined and dined by your sister but her taste in music is not up to their high expectations.

What made it worse for me tbh is that they thought it was ok to slag off your sister and her hospitality in front of you, never mind her taste in music. I couldn't let that go. Cheeky fuckers.

Travis1 · 27/12/2019 23:01

I’d be questioning the relationship tbh

HeddaGarbled · 27/12/2019 23:06

I would absolutely hate spending time with a houseful of strangers who played music continuously, so I sympathise with the comment about being tortured by crap music. In fact, I think it is used as a torture method. It sounds like they were polite at the time?

Where they’ve lost my sympathy is the comment about “thick people”. That’s rude, especially to say it in front of you.

“Gone quiet on them” is sulking and sulking doesn’t achieve anything. You need to tell them that their comments have upset and offended you. Just tell them straight - don’t get emotional, don’t let it descend into a row. They need to know it’s not OK to insult your family.

However, I think you are going to have to accept that your families are very different and forcing them together for prolonged periods of time isn’t going to be successful.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 27/12/2019 23:06

I would ditch the bf and his awful son.

midnightmisssuki · 27/12/2019 23:06

Yikes. How rude. Of both of them!

TheClausSeason · 27/12/2019 23:10

Tell them how you feel, OP. I'd wait until you've gone home and then tell him how embarrassed you were that a partner of yours made himself look so snobbish and uncouth, as to call people 'thick' openly. Tell him you were appalled that he could be so rude and really ashamed of him. Then consider kicking him to the kerb.

PinkiOcelot · 27/12/2019 23:19

I wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut tbh. No ides why/how you did. Giving them the silent treatment now is a tad pointless.

AbsinthedelaBonchance · 27/12/2019 23:23

Sorry but I might have hated that 'entertainment' too. Are the kids actually any good at music? You might love them and be happy because they were enjoying themselves but your partner and his son don't have that to ameliorate. I would also have been totally unable to find a way to express that politely to my hosts ( ASD & anxiety) so would have suffered through it (and might have broken out and said something unfortunate afterwards...)

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