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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Names for Step Parent Relationship to DC

36 replies

Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/12/2019 20:25

That title is about as clear as mud, apologies! Also I know IABU as I'm posting here for traffic Blush

Currently pg with my first child and starting to think about what he will call our parents and I am a bit stuck on what to suggest for dp step mum. She is honestly lovely and we are both keen for her to have an active role in our DC life (if she wants to of course)

Is there a 'go to' name for step grand parents? I really don't want to offend dp mum or make his step mum feel uncomfortable.

Probably overthinking this but just want everyone to be happy! Any suggestions will be most welcome!

TIA!

OP posts:
Bluedogyellowcat · 27/12/2019 20:26

Grandma works for mine even though I call her by her first name. Step grandparents tend to generally get the grandparent names of they are a liked or loved part of the family

MomOfABeast · 27/12/2019 20:28

In my family they choose from the same selection of names as other grandparents (nanna, grandma, granny etc).

DisplayPurposesOnly · 27/12/2019 20:29

They are all grandparents - the more the merrier (especially if they are lovely).

It's about their relationship with the child. Your partner's stepmother isn't his mum but she can still be his child's gran/grandma/nanny/whatever, as that's who she is to the child.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 27/12/2019 20:30

Granny Jane, Nanna Mary, or whatever her name is, instead of just Granny/Nanna, reserved for actual grandmother?

RossPoldarksWife · 27/12/2019 20:31

In my family they are all grandparents, regardless of wether they are step or not.
It’s about what they represent, and their role in the grandchildren’s lives.

user1019273703 · 27/12/2019 20:32

Mine just calls my step dad grandad.

Chocolatelover45 · 27/12/2019 20:33

I would let the blood grandparents choose their preferred name first, e.g. grandma/granny /nana etc. Then let the step grandparent choose another name from the list.

gothefcktosleep · 27/12/2019 20:35

We say Granny/Grandad + name

Maybe83 · 27/12/2019 20:36

My SS is having his first child next year.

I will be my name. I get on really well with my ss love him but he doesn't call me mam and the new baby will already have two nannys.

Mumdiva99 · 27/12/2019 20:36

Mine call their paternal grandparents by their names for (other language) grandma and grandad. Doesn't matter that she's step mum to DH. Although his DM died so is not on the scene.

Frazzledbyalot · 27/12/2019 20:38

My mum is grandma, mil nanny, my dad is grandad. Mils husband wanted to be grandpa so Jo obligation there. My stepdad goes by his first name but only because I don't get along with him & DC don't really see/know him. Dads gf is first name but I imagine as their relationship blossoms and my DC get older they will call her as a grandparent

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 20:39

Mine was Nanny. She has sadly passed but she was just as loved, involved and besotted with my children as my child's biological grandparents and she treated mine with the absolute love she had for her own.

I understand that it would be the same for each relationship but I honestly didn't see her as any different than my parents.

tealandteal · 27/12/2019 20:40

I called mine by her name but was older when I met her. Her DGC called my grandad "Pops" but they were born after they were married. Have you asked what they would like to be called?

Butteredtoast55 · 27/12/2019 20:43

What are you thinking your DC will call your Mum and MiL? If relationships are good, I would let your own Mum and your partner’s Mum choose what they would like and then have an alternative for your step Mum, possibly with her name added on or to match your Dad.
e.g. Your Mum = Nanna
MiL and FiL = Grandma and Grandad
Dad and Step Mum = Grandpa and Granny Sue
Obviously I have made up the ‘Sue’ part or I am psychic!

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 27/12/2019 20:43

Can’t you ask her what she would like to be called and go with that? Confused

gabsdot45 · 27/12/2019 20:45

I had a step grand dad. We called him uncle James.
My sister has recently become a step granny. She will just be her own name to her husbands grandchild.
She married him when his children were already adults.

Tyersal · 27/12/2019 20:49

I called all my grandparents gran or grandad and their surname would thank work?

Original poster
Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/12/2019 20:51

Thanks all, sorry should have mentioned in the OP that dp doesn't really think of her as a 'parent'as such because he was an adult when she came into the family. So it is a slightly odd one as despite them not having that relationship, we would like to encourage it with our DC. They live a few hours away and she doesn't have any childen of her own so it is important to us that she feels as included as she wants to be.

My mum and his have both decided what they would like so am going to ask her when I see her what she would like or just call her one and see if she objects Grin.

Thank you all!

OP posts:
Indecisivelurcher · 27/12/2019 21:00

My mums husband is Grumpy (started out as grampy) and has a great relationship with my dd5 and ds2.5. My dad lives in New Zealand, he's Grandad Name, my husbands dad is Grandad Name. My dad's wife, also in New Zealand, is Nana Name, which is what her biological grandchildren call her too. Dh and I asked our biological parents what they wanted to be first, so they had first choice I guess. Then I asked my mums husband, and my dads wife. My mum is fun, she didn't want to select her 'grandma name', think it felt too old to her! Dd was her first grandchild. So she started writing a big letter G in cards, became 'big G' for an amusing while which nursery staff roared about. The kids call her G-G now. No one can decide whether to write it as GG, Geegee, gege or gigi though!

silencebeforethebleeps · 27/12/2019 21:07

My DSCG has never even been told that I exist.

sheepysheep · 27/12/2019 21:08

Hmm mine are known by their names. My father’s GF is 8 years younger than me so it seems ridiculous to call her granny. My mother’s husband came along after DC1 was born. I’d only met him once before they got married and my lovely FiL died not long after so it seemed wrong for him to be grandad. I think under different circumstances my kids may have called them grandad / granny if that’s what they’d wanted to be. I think asking what you sMiL would like to be is a good plan.

Scarsthelot · 27/12/2019 21:09

My son calls dps step mum 'nana Susan' (not real name).

museumum · 27/12/2019 21:12

My MILs husband is just his name which is what dh and his db use too. So it’s “granny and ”
Dhs father who we don’t see often is “grandpa ”
Dhs grandfathers wife is “granny ”

NeverTwerkNaked · 27/12/2019 21:12

I think it depends on the relationship thru develop. But my step children call my parents granny /grampy and are treated as much as their grandchildren as my own children and it is lovely to see

raspberryk · 27/12/2019 21:18

My step mum has been around since I was 7, had grandkids calling her granny before mine came along so we just went with granny so it didn't get confusing. My kids call my step Grandma Grandma sometimes and sometimes her name.