To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

Yes I found my judgemental, unhelpful and utterly impractical. I was almost in tears with a baby who had bad reflux and would wake 15/20 times a night, and cry most of the day. But all she kept harping on about was bloody tummy time (ie putting a screaming baby on her tummy when she's already in pain?), and nothing to help at all re the reflux. When it got to the weaning stages DD had a severe allergic reaction to eggs. Her advice- "well she should be eating everything you eat at this stage".. I began just taking everything she said with a pinch of salt as she always made me feel like a crap mum at every visit too (is she not sitting yet??)

But somebody upthread stated that they categorically weren't there for safeguarding purposes

But I think three HCPs, including a former HV, have been on since, to say that is a large part of the job. Not the only thing they do, but it seems to be a big part of it. I do think it's obviously really important to safeguard children and they are so vulnerable in the early years, but I don't honestly see why they're NHS funded instead of SS... I've never know one to do any nursing or healthcare tbh. A lot of referring on to GPs. Maybe it's to assess MH, so identifying mums with PND etc?

Children over 5 can usually talk and are mostly in school.

True. As long as they actually understand what abuse and neglect are (if they've grown up that way, it often becomes be their 'normal'); and as long as they have no fear of making things worse by speaking out - getting themselves or their parents into serious trouble.

Khyra Ishaq, Daniel Pelka and Victoria Climbie all went to school.

I used to be a health visitor and reading some of your experiences has made me so sad.

But I think three HCPs, including a former HV, have been on since, to say that is a large part of the job. Not the only thing they do, but it seems to be a big part of it.

Yes, that does make a lot of sense to me. But as a PP said, members of the public don't always know what is expected of them in terms of safeguarding and their minds can play tricks on them, especially with all the upheaval that goes with having a baby.

HVs know that a pile of washing or an unhoovered floor aren't usually a cause for concern, but for a lot of new mums - already thrust right into a big new world of unknowns (if it's their first), they won't want to give any possible indication for concern or to put a foot wrong - and the result is that they panic about non-urgent household chores instead of feeling able to focus wholly on their brand new baby, ironically so as not to leave the HV with concerns that they aren't putting their new baby first.

All health visitors are fully qualified nurses and midwives, who have done extra training. Training is now degree level.

As a health visitor myself, I get very disheartened at the bad press they get on here.

Mostly found them useless and ones at a certain clinic were muppets that thought they knew better than paediatricians. Had amazing one that did home visit though who was older and fabulous

Safeguarding in my area was because it was a child protection hotspot.

I did all the other stuff too like new baby visits and it upset me that I couldn’t give more of a service to new mothers who might initially do well but have rip roaring PND by 4-6 months which wasn’t being picked up.

I worked in other areas where it was a tiny part of the role...and where I worked with an older HV who the parents pulled faces over at baby clinic.

Then another area where there was a HV with aye same first name as me. You could practically hear the SAHP intake of breath if Iphoned to introduce myself as they thought I was her.

One lady told me about two years in that it had taken her ages to realise there were two of us with the same name and she couldn’t understand hearing that “Duck is awful” as she’d had a good relationship with me and I helped her liaise with her DD school over wetting etc.and u Prince infections etc. The. She suddenly realise that the HV she had wasn’t the same as the other one,

The one we had left me with a wicked passing shot that made me want to drop kick her out of my house

I’d had an EMCS and as a result my husband had to come home and turn the house upside down so that we could sleep in the ground floor bedroom - the place didn’t look very neat and tidy as a result. She asked if we’d just moved in and then asked for assurance that I’d tidy it up before the baby started crawling. Fuck off love, there’s the door, you may use it.

I’ve always had a great service from them, appropriate level of support depending on my need at the time.

I thought my hv was great. She was never judging, was very supportive and had loads of great advice. I have nothing but praise for her.

Our first one was a sexist twat. Refused to do the checks on DS1 because it was DH there instead of me

We've got a good one now, even though my youngest is 3, she keeps in touch every now and then (via phone!) to ask how we're doing. Both boys are disabled and we've needed extra referrals and she's always been really on the ball.

I think it depends how you use them, I do wish it was clearer you could say no to their help but some families it's really useful to have an advocate, we'll use ours at DS2's EHCP assessment because she's known him for a few year's, even though she's only seen him twice haha

For the people who resent the health visitor asking to see the bedroom - Don't forget there have been terrible cases of child abuse where the abusers present a decent space to the professionals deliberately and elsewhere is squalor/abusive

I could perhaps understand wanting to see that there is a suitable bedroom for a child. But wanting to look in every bedroom and bathroom in the house? Opening cupboards to look inside? Does becoming a parent mean that the state must be allowed full access to every nook and cranny of your house, just because some people are abusive?

First one was very old school and at the age of 19 I was terrified of her, I did everything she told me to do.
Second was amazing, we are still in touch 13 years later.

Mine was great and I'll never forget her, she gave me some great advice and was genuinely good company when she visited. I was quite a young mum, the first of all my friends to have a baby and lived hundreds of miles away from my family so her advice was much appreciated. She had a great style of delivering advice - never "told" me what to do, just shared different anecdotes "from her mums" which I found helpful.

I was very lucky when I had my DC in that we had a superb community practice of midwives and health visitors, who were all active in the community with pre and post-natal classes, baby clinics, baby massage classes, breastfeeding cafe and sure start centre.

I've had 4 children and They have never asked to see my bedroom?! I would have said no that's odd. They have asked where baby sleeps, but not asked to see it! Some of them are rude and patronising. I've been lucky with mine she's lovely.

Mine is awful. I called her because I was struggling with pnd and she told me that there was no sleep training I could do with DD (I hadn't asked and didn't want to do any sleep training), then she asked if I "bothered to interact" with DD or just left her bored by herself. Made me feel so shit when I was already feeling pretty awful.

@scaredycatz I have refused some, they normally send you a letter saying we would like to visit you at this date and time, please ring if not convenient. So I have just rang and said no thank you I'm fine, that was that.

HV with DC1 was absolutely amazing- i looked forward to her visits and she came a lot. She was funny, extremely knowledgeable and I really had a good bond with her.
HV with DC2 was a joke. She couldn't give a shiny shite and was so uncaring it was unbelievable.

I loved my health visitor. My doctor rang her to say I had PND she rang me 30 minutes later and said she could be at mine later that day.

Wasnt until later I realised she was making appointments up to get me out the house as that was the only reason I would leave the house, appointments for my son.

She did check my house out hut I didnt have a problem with it she was just doing her job. She wanted to see what sleeping arrangements I had for baby.

She was amazing

Obviously every HV is different and as with all jobs you will get good and bad ones. But I do know the ones near me really need to update their safety training as they are giving dangerous advise! Me and at least 3 other women I know were told to put baby down sleeping on its tummy, and it's best to start with baby in it's own room so it does not become clingy in the future!

This was a few years ago.

(And yes we did complain, but I still think these particular lady's are still in their job, hopefully with better advice)

I'm currently pregnant again, and really thinking of refusing.

opt out they are a optional service

ive a 15 and 9 y old and never had a hv,i told the midwive straight they was not coming as they were not wanted

i took them to the doctors for their baby injections and that was all

the government don't tell you its a opt out service though they just send them to you and make you believe you have to have them(same with the school system)

even some midwives think you have to legally have them,mine did with the youngest

i told her straight i wasnt having one and she tried to tell me i was breaking the law till i googled it,i phoned the surgery told them verbally one was wasnt wanted,they didnt like it and tried to talk me around(small village so surgery knows everyone) but i was adamant i didnt want or need one and they told me i had to send it in writing so i did and that was that

for 5 years though i was sent letters asking me if i was still intrested

My health visitor was and still is amazing. Out of all the health professionals I saw, she was the only one who really paid attention and helped me. My baby and I owe her a debt of gratitude. I know they aren't all the same, but I try to sing her praises every chance I get.

So if you are a health visitor and you are out there helping people, thank you. I'm still so grateful.

The health visitors I saw for my 3 dc were great. They were supportive and lovely. to any HVs out there

Just as a counterpoint, I had a very nice health visitor. She definitely toed the party line re breast feeding and early weaning (i.e. you really ought to do the first of possible and really shouldn't do the second) but she was earnestly caring rather than intrusive or patronising.

Most importantly, she was the first and only health professional out of a succession of doctors and midwives to spot and help sort out my son's severe tongue tie when we started to struggle with feeding. I'll always be grateful to her for that.