To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

Mine was lovely. But I think it must be an awful job.
Those who don't really need them, resent then being patronising. Those who really did, resent them for being 'authority'.

It must be really difficult to visit a home or patent where you know the baby could be at risk, and feel responsible for whatever happens.

This thread makes me so sad. I am a HV and get on well with my clients. I've had families move out of my patch but ask to keep me on.

We aren't all witches.

I love my job and put my heart and soul into it.

I have heard and completely believe a lot of people have had bad experiences but I definitely got lucky with mine. She has been wonderful in helping me with PND and has helped me with accessing the help I needed. She never has been overly intrusive and is generally really positive and helpful with me.

Mine was lovely, not intrusive at all, very efficient and explained everything without being patronising at all, she was a real people person.

One of the midwives on the other hand rang me at 8am on a day they weren’t due to come, my phone was on silent as we were all asleep, so she came banging on the door at 8:30am because she was worried something awful had happened because I didn’t answer the phone. She knew my DH was at home and that my parents, brother, aunt and uncle were staying in the B&B down the road, so if anything “awful” had happened I’d have plenty of people around to help

And I was a nurse for 15 years - I wasn't incompetent at my job, my manager begged me to stay.

Again, we aren't all the same.

One didn't even recognise mastitis when I had it! She just said it was night chills
This was pre-internet, and was with my first baby, so I didn't know about it either. Thankfully the next HV was more on the ball.

Now my dc are much older I look back and don't see health visitors as people who are there to help, but more to check out whether you live in a crack den!

Mine were all nice. We did have the ‘concerns’ about one child not eating enough and one eating too much but I always felt listened to.
Sometimes they were the only grown up that I saw and I loved them just for being there.

my theory is that they are nurses who were to dangerous to keep as nurses, and get moved to health visitors- less chance of actively killing somebody. There is no other explanation of the utter ignorance i‘ve encountered

Did you report them to a professional body?
Any HCP that are considered ‘dangerous’ or likely to kill someone would be struck off rather than become hvs.

When I saw ours at the 1 year check I was pregnant again and soon to be moving house. Appointment was fine. A week after we moved in I had a miscarriage at 12weeks and she came to drop some things off. She said to me "oh do you think it was just too much for you" as if it was my fault. It was awful.

@Keepmewarm no, i didn’t report. i have no proof, so its word against word. nothing is going to happen (nor should it - anybody could say anything!)

Every health visitor I've seen has been absolutely useless.

If I'd followed the advice of one of them I'd have killed my son.

I also didn't appreciate one of them turning up with a male student in tow. That was the end of any conversation I was planning on having about my baby's latch. Sorry to anyone whose offended but in my post-partum state I had no interest in getting my boobs out with a man in the room. I wonder if he knew or cared that his presence made his client uncomfortable.

The ones I've seen have been wonderful people. Really grateful to them. But they didn't nosy around my house or other weird things mentioned upthread!

Having been kept in hospital (largely unnecessarily) for nearly a week, they advised that discharge would be that day, by 6pm at the very latest. After they'd all spent a very long time chatting together and having what seemed like an extremely extended break, at 10:30pm, they finally told us it was time to leave.

At 8am the next morning, two HVs rang the doorbell and knocked insistently. They were absolutely astonished to be told that it wasn't a very convenient time and most put out when they were asked to come back another day. They thought that we'd been told they were coming then, but we hadn't; if we had, we'd have instantly said no.

They weren't particularly helpful or unhelpful in what they said and did - very superfluous really - but it was the turning up unannounced and then expecting a new mum and newborn baby to work around what suited their schedule, when their 'services' had never been requested (or advised of) in the first place.

At a time when most new mums wouldn't even want their close friends and family members to visit, so soon after getting home from hospital with a newborn, having strangers turn up out of the blue - and whether or not it's their primary task, you feel strongly like you're going to be tested, evaluated and judged at a very vulnerable time - isn't a particularly welcome or pleasant experience.

That said, if they offered in advance to come, explaining what services and help/advice they could provide, and made an appointment to come and see you after a few days, the experience may well be a lot more beneficial.

My HV was quite pleasant, though a bit of a dilly dreamer. She advised me to feed DS mashed pilchards, but as he was only about ten weeks old I ignored that!
I didn’t bother after that.

@myself2020 you can and you should. I’m sorry you have been treated badly. I’m a nurse and if someone felt that I was acting dangerously or treating them unfairly I would encourage them to report me.

I've never found them intrusive, but then mine has never asked to look in my bedroom. I'd probably say no in the same situation. I've found them useful for the most part, as I've got children with additional needs and they have looked into them and referred me to the right places quickly and efficiently. And I think they are good for reassurance in the early days of having a new baby.
However, I do find they always try to find something negative however small, that they try and get you to change because everything is by the book. For example, telling me to drop my son's milk bottle by a certain point when I know he still needs it. So some of their advice goes over my head because I know my children better than they do, but I think they probably now that not all their tips and advice are adhered to.

Mine is lovely, she sees me and the various babies/children who come through my door and is nothing but helpful and supportive (and she has never once asked to see around my house).

All mine were awful. One Lied about things I'd said. Like a pp I had no evidence, just her word against mine, so it was pointless complaining.

For the people who resent the health visitor asking to see the bedroom - Don't forget there have been terrible cases of child abuse where the abusers present a decent space to the professionals deliberately and elsewhere is squalor/abusive. They are not interested in whether you decor is trendy or if there is a pile of ironing - Just assist them in their safeguarding so the people with something to hide stand out from the ordinary folk.

I had the loveliest one ever after one of my babies, she sat and listened as we told her about the horrible birth and teared up with us. She never once said anything about being grateful that DD was ok (she was and is but what a dismissive thing to say when someone is struggling and scared).
She was so kind and nice and recognised that I had a huge infection.
The midwives who came the day prior had dismissed my symptoms entirely so I thought little of them.

My HVs with both my children were pleasant and useful. In the first weeks I found the service quite useful. Thereafter they were just there for vaccinations.

Like all services you will get good ones, bad ones and average ones.

They are not interested in whether you decor is trendy or if there is a pile of ironing

Well no one tells new mums this so instead of relaxing with my newborn, I manically cleaned my house assuming a basket of clean washing would trigger some intervention based on them assuming I wasn't coping.

For the people who resent the health visitor asking to see the bedroom - Don't forget there have been terrible cases of child abuse where the abusers present a decent space to the professionals deliberately and elsewhere is squalor/abusive. They are not interested in whether you decor is trendy or if there is a pile of ironing - Just assist them in their safeguarding so the people with something to hide stand out from the ordinary folk.

But somebody upthread stated that they categorically weren't there for safeguarding purposes

Children of all ages can be at risk of neglect, abuse or poor parenting, but we don't have a system where somebody comes to look around the houses of everybody with children once a week/month/year until the youngest reaches 18.

Women (and sometimes men) in relationships can be at risk of domestic violence, but we don't have regular state visits to check up on all homes containing couples.

The only way we could be certain of safeguarding all children and potentially vulnerable adults at home would be to have permanent tamper-proof cameras in every room, recording 24/7. I don't think many people - even those with 'nothing to hide' - would want that. Plus, home isn't the only place where children can be at risk.

In fact, I remember a horrendous thread a little while back where a woman desperately needed to get out with her child from an appallingly abusive household - but her abusive husband had actually set up his own cameras throughout the house so that he could track and control her at all times.

With my teen the HV was very old fashioned and patronising.
With toddler she was lovely. 1 pre visit and 1 visit after and that was last I saw of her

Not.heard anything since and have under 4 weeks to go

Children of all ages can be at risk of neglect, abuse or poor parenting, but we don't have a system where somebody comes to look around the houses of everybody with children once a week/month/year until the youngest reaches 18.
Children over 5 can usually talk and are mostly in school.