To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

If someone had a terrible experience with their MW during labour and talked about it on here, you wouldn't say "make a complaint then. Don't talk about it on here", would you?

My experience of maternity care was terrible. I have complained about it on here and in real life.
I do not say all midwives are an annoying breed.

That was the question posed by the op. It doesn't mean everyone agrees with her. It's a discussion, not a statement which the whole thread is on board with en masse.

My wonderful HV quite possibly saved my life. That's no exaggeration.

PND hit me like a ton of bricks when DC2 was three weeks old. I was absolutely desperate and quickly went from thinking about ending my life to making plans to do so. But it turns out I'm a pretty good actress. Despite being in the lucky position of being surrounded by loving family and friends, this HV was the only one who saw through my determination to put on a brave face. She wasn't pushy, but she was tenacious enough that she didn't take all my "oh it's nothing really", "honestly, don't worry about me, I'm just a bit tired" etc at face value. She knew something wasn't right and she invested the time in building our relationship until I reached a point where I was ready to open up. She ended up coming with me to the GP as I was so anxious about telling anyone else. That GP visit resulted in an urgent referral to the perinatal MH team, who my HV then kept chasing until I was prioritised. She also correctly identified that mine was "not a case of straightforward PND" (the GP didn't pick this up) and so she pushed for me to be seen by a Psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist diagnosed PTSD, which meant I then got the correct treatment.

One year on, I wouldn't say I'm 100% recovered but I'm most of the way there. I'm back at work, I'm able to enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Most importantly, I'm glad to be alive, and that's a feeling I never thought I'd have again this time last year when I was Googling ways to kill myself and make it look like an accident. So for the HV's who have been reading this thread and been left feeling like all your efforts are unnoticed and unappreciated, please know that what you does make a difference and I for one am very, very grateful

They may be but every day they protect children against abuse. That seems to have taken over the mainstay of their work now. If that's annoying for you then....

My first health visitor sat for an hour and a half telling me all about troubles she was having with her personal life....

I had a few HVs over two children. They were without exception wonderful and saved my life. It sounds gushing but they did.

Meh, whinge all you like op.
But In a society without a safeguards like health visitors for the most vulnerable tiny babies in society, I wonder how many more horror stories like baby p we would see?

Just because some people are unfit parents that doesn't excuse treating the rest of us like idiots.

My first one came across as a bit of a pain in the arse, but actually was hugely helpful in getting my PND sorted. She wasnt afraid to kick doors down for me iyswim. Second one was fab and warm, lovely and down to earth . I have heard horror stories, I think it's like an profession: you get good and bad and it's just the luck of the drawer who you get

My last HV told me that my son was too tall, when asked what I shoukd do about that, she obviously didn't have an answer. Considering DH & I are both 6ft, and my brother is actually 6ft5, DC comes from tall stock so isn't going to be on the small side!
I also felt she was trying to push me into having PND, I have a history of MH issues but was completely fine after DS was born!
It's almost like they always have to find something wrong on each visit!

I’ve had a few different HV’s since the birth of my twins. First one was awful- long story, she reported to Social Services that I hadn’t taken DS to the GP that day as she “expressly advised due to him clearly fighting for breath”. Cue SS on my doorstep at 7pm that evening demanding to see him, me in tears because she’d said nothing of the sort and thank god the notes in DS’ red book backed me up! She knew my DD was still in NICU on a CPAP machine and oxygen following brochiolitis and a collapsed lung and - as I said to the SS - I therefore was acutely fucking aware of what distressed breathing looked like in a low weight premature baby!

I had a hospital appointed Nurse who came to visit the twins weekly and the HV apparently reported all sorts of bizarre things to her as well thankfully the Nurse was a decent woman with a good head on her shoulders and she put it down to the idea that the HV had taken a disliking towards me (no idea why).

My current HV is a lovely woman, she’s been so helpful and supportive (especially since losing my second DS earlier this year to stillbirth) - she often books an extended appointment for me so we can talk and honestly she’s been a lifeline and a half! So two extremes (with a couple of pleasant but not overly helpful HV’s in the middle) and I view it like a lot of other professions, you get all sorts of people with differing capabilities - I’m sure the first HV who I had has been perfectly lovely and helpful to others and maybe there were a few other Mums out there that she treated in the same way. After my complaint regarding her conduct I believe she was moved to another area.

The only statements I have disagreed with are The statement they are an annoying breed.
And the poster who said people should request their home visits.
For reasons which I have explained.
I fully accept some people may have had bad experiences.
But I don’t believe all are bad or that everyone is capable/would be confident/actually wants to request a visit when needed.
They were the points I discussed.

Fair enough you don’t like your hv go and complain about them on an individual level.

But for those universally slating a service that exists for the welfare of very small children, well complain to your local commissioning or MP. See how that goes....

But for those universally slating a service that exists for the welfare of very small children, well complain to your local commissioning or MP. See how that goes....

Well, I think some people on AIBU generally make sweeping statements they don't really mean, like "I hate all HVs / teachers / MILs". You can't take that sort of statement too seriously tbh.

But, there have been a handful of those and then loads of useful posts where people have shared their personal experiences. You can't seek to shut down the conversation because you don't like the thread title and a few of the posts. It's been generally really useful. To me at least.

I didn't even get a phone call let alone a visit from a HV with dc3 in 2010.

I called up on day 28 (statutory time frame) to ask about swine flu, and someone stuck a photocopied sheet through my door a few days later and that was that.

My first baby had died, I had severe PTSD, no family around, a sickly baby and could really have done with some support.

But it is heartening to read that some people have had fantastic experiences with their HV.

I would like to be fair, our h.v with dd2 was awesome. She ran several bf groups all over the county, she was invaluable, but sadly died of breast cancer.

Posting and reading through subsequent posts has stirred up a hate i thought i had forgotten/got over. Dd1s h.v was a cunt of the highest order. I swear, no word of a lie, she phoned my parents several times when they had dd overnight (i was a single parent at 22 ffs , mum and dad had her maybe one long weekend a month) A step too far. She single handely drove me to hell

My HV told me that if I don't cuddle my baby enough/ if I ever let him cry, he'll be a problem teenager and more likely to act out and drink/ take drugs. Absolute bullshit.
She also spent 30 minutes telling me that any scratch (even small or self inflicted by his little nails) on my baby would be investigated by social services under safeguarding. I'm a fully qualified social worker who knows that is not what happens and told her so.

She's been consistently crap and never provided any helpful advice so I think I'll decline their visits next time.

I try and avoid them. The one I had with my first was useless. I knew something was wrong but she insisted I was fine and 'everyone feels a bit down and anxious'. Turned out I had post natal ptsd.

I had two with my second. The first was lovely and friendly. The second insisted on calling me 'mum' although I'd introduced myself and told her my name. Then proceeded to ask me how I was feeling. I don't get how she expected anyone to open up to her. I had no idea what her name was and she wasn't interested in mine. It was really uncomfortable. I thought about feeding it back but I wasn't sure whom to contact.

I've avoided the weigh in clinic so I don't have to speak to them.

Lucky to have an amazing HV, who was especially assigned to me as I have prenatal MH issues, and she had been a mental health nurse previously. She was so quietly supportive and not a rigid stickler for guidelines (she was all for common sense, and helping out where I wasn't doing as the NHS advised i.e. I didn't breastfeed due to the tokophobia and she was the only one willing to assist with and validate my decision to mix feed formula and expressed milk - as she said it was better for my baby that I was happy and enjoying motherhood rather than trying to do something that I found mentally damaging). She came as often as I needed her, even though she was technically from the team outside of my area, as I still go to the baby weigh-in at her area just to see her from time to time, to let her know how we are getting on. She really championed me as a parent, and I will forever be grateful to her for that. However, none of my NCT friends got the same bespoke service that I did, so the midwives or consultant must have pulled some strings prior to birth!

I remember when one visited soon after I'd had my first baby. Obviously, I'd scrubbed my house like a lunatic, and made sure my hair was done and make up on so she didn't think I was struggling and couldn't cope. I opened the door and asked how I was, I actually felt pretty ok but jokingly said 'tired obviously'! And she wrote in the red book "mother complained about feeling tired". Really seemed totally unnecessary and judgmental considering it had been a light hearted, off the cuff remark.

My first two HVs were useless (all with my only living DD) but I was sent one recently when I had a MH crisis who is absolutely wonderful.
I’ve been told by them (previously) that they are mostly there for mums not the babies though admittedly that seems unlikely.

I can see why they exist but I do think an awful lot of money is wasted on these visits. I personally think that health visitors should only come if the midwife flags something up, eg with the baby's or mother's health or with the home environment.

I had these visits but there was so much cross over with the midwife ones (who had often come literally the day before) and just seemed a waste of money where the baby is gaining weight, mother's health is fine and it's a normal house.

It never fails to surprise me about how underresourced the maternity units are but then somehow the funds can be found for about 6 midwife and health visitor visits. I'd much rather just one midwife visit (with subsequent checks at a clinic) and better maternity care than the current situation (which seems set up to suit the midwives as I'm sure being a district midwife is much nicer than being on a ward).

Ah this thread is so sad and depressing.

So much I could disagree with or pick at, but if these are your experiences then there's absolutely no arguing! I can only apologise profusely for these individuals and promise you not all HV's are like that!

"The majority of what they do is safeguarding" - absolutely true!

That's what about 90% of our time is now spent doing. Obviously depending on area, but all areas have pockets of deprivation or areas where safeguarding numbers are higher.

Along side our bread and butter of primaries and 6-8 wk visits we do a fair bit of mental health support, listening visits, some bits of infant feeding and supporting with SEN, but the rest is all safeguarding and the recording that goes with it all.

As pp said upthread, the people who actually benefit from HV services the most are the women and children we are protecting or supporting through abuse, neglect or worse. It's sad to say, but we are there less so for the families who are sailing on by and doing well. Like the rest of the NHS, we are just too stretched. The families we support are not at all likely to be Mumsnet members and are not well represented on here.

Breaking my heart abit seeing people say there is no point in HV's, just because you haven't needed them or benefited, doesn't mean they don't benefit the people who absolutely do need help. For the people who have needed help and haven't received it, I'm sorry, there is no excuse for rudeness or ineptitude.

The one I had 10 years ago was a cow. Made a big deal over a dimple. She reckoned my daughter had a lazy eye(she didn't and hasn't got one) asking me if my daughter was mixed race (she isn't). In the end I stopped going. When daughter turned 3 we had another one turn up and she was friendly and seemed happy with my daughters development.

Mine was lovely, and she really helped me when I had bad breastfeeding advice from a fairly useless young midwife. I'd happily have had her over much more often, but I didn't really need her after the initial visits. I'd actually be tempted to invite her over for wine one evening, but that would be a bit weird.