Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate generic gifts?

41 replies

SnowGoblin · 27/12/2019 10:12

I've been reading the unwanted gift threads this morning. So many people with generic, re gifted stuff they don't really want.

This year, I got: Chocolates (I'm vegan), wine (I don't drink), smellies that went out of date last year so I'm assuming a re gift.

And DD got 3 diaries. She doesn't use them.

All of those presents would be fine, if you knew the person would like them. It just seems like no thought goes into some presents whatsoever. I'm feeling a bit down as I spent loads on really nice personal gifts that I knew people would enjoy, and in return, I end up with a load of generic stuff.

OP posts:
churchandstate · 27/12/2019 10:14

Maybe these people are giving what they can afford. Try not to be ungrateful?

Selfsettling3 · 27/12/2019 10:15

I honestly think people give gifts to too many people. If you don’t know them enough to buy them a gift then you are either not close enough or are not listening to other person enough.

Original poster
SnowGoblin · 27/12/2019 10:17

To clarify, one of the people was my mother, who I know is quite well off. I actually suggested this year that we don't do presents for each other because it's a faff and neither of us need anything, but she insisted. So you would have thought she would have put a bit of effort in.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 27/12/2019 10:18

There is a lot of gift giving for the sake of gift giving these days

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 10:19

What did your mother give you?

malificent7 · 27/12/2019 10:21

Yanbu...its thoughtless...

daisypond · 27/12/2019 10:22

There’s too much gift giving. Gift giving at Christmas is, like many Christmas traditions, an invention of the Victorians. It’s relatively new.

CantstandmLMs · 27/12/2019 10:23

Think of how many people you need to buy for at Christmas. Most people don't need or want for anything or if they do it's a big present which is out of your budget.

I didn't buy one of my best friends anything for this reason and I feel awful but I invest more time, money and thought into birthdays because it is about that person not one of many!

For that reason I've got not problem with generic gifts and I am thankful to anyone that buys me anything. At the same time I do think it's better to have a no presents rule with many people.

PaprikaPringle · 27/12/2019 10:24

Yanbu

We don't buy for adults any more and they don't buy for us. We get together for a nice meal instead.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2019 10:27

Some people insist in buying things, give tat but ask for gift vouchers and expensive things in return.

I've said to DH we should stop buying for some of them, we had to buy 6 presents. We got 1 £10 max present back jointly from all of them. Piss take. We only buy because they insist on giving us something.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/12/2019 10:29

I’m grateful for people taking the time and effort and expense to buy me a gift but I’d honestly rather not have any of that stuff. It’s just tat to me. Equally, pens, notepads, tea towels, random single mugs - all tat and I’d prefer the giver to save their money tbh.

We now do secret Santa in our family with wish lists and it’s lovely. No tat, the recipient knows they’ll get something they like. Much nicer.

Zenithbear · 27/12/2019 10:36

I've cut back to buying 3 people proper presents and 3 token gifts. It's much easier to get really lovely quality gifts that they actually like as I'm no longer rushing around buying for everyone.
Some people though they might otherwise be caring and kind are just crap at buying presents.

virginpinkmartini · 27/12/2019 10:46

You'll get people telling you that you're being ungrateful, that's all they can afford blah blah blah. I'm sorry, but it's a cop-out. If you've got £5 for a Bayliss and Harding gift set, then you've got £5 for something that is actually relevant to that person. Generic gift sets are more about the giver, i. e ticking off a box that they actually got you something so they don't feel bad.

daisypond · 27/12/2019 11:47

Like what? What can you get for £5 that is relevant? I’m perfectly happy to receive Bayliss and Harding stuff. All the presents I received this year were generic ones.

sayanythingelse · 27/12/2019 12:37

YANBU. DH's family are tat givers, I've learnt to have low expectations now.
I tend to wear high end beauty products and buy a lot of things things from small businesses at craft fairs, vintage or from Etsy etc but every year I get a cheap bath set and lip balms from B&M. I go to lots of events with MIL and point out things I like but she still doesn't take the hint and buys me tat that goes in the bin. Every year.

daisypond · 27/12/2019 13:02

Why would your MIL get you a present at all? Why would you expect one? Never mind pointing out things you would like! I have never heard of in-laws giving a present.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 13:07

I have never heard of in-laws giving a present.

What?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/12/2019 13:09

There are some generic presents I’m happy to receive. Chocolates are fine (but I’m neither vegan nor diabetic) wine is ok (at least with red you can mull it) and I don’t mind shower gels (I have to admit the body lotion part of the set.. not so much).
I’ve come to the conclusion though that so much of how we react to a gift is intertwined with our relationship with the giver.. For example, when my lovely friend gave me something that wasn’t quite to my taste, I put it up in my house anyway, because I really appreciated her thinking of me. When my ex mil bought the same (unsuitable) gifts for all the “girls” in the family, it bugged me a disproportionate amount, because our relationship was difficult already.

RhymingRabbit3 · 27/12/2019 13:17

I have never heard of in-laws giving a present.
Really? Most people give and recieve presents from their in laws.

I felt this way about some of the gifts for my daughter who is 3. My husbands family gave her some really generic "girl stuff" which she just isn't that interested in. I would rather they hadn't bothered because now I have huge guilt about taking it all to the charity shop.

BloodyCats · 27/12/2019 13:21

I’ve decided to stop exchanging gifts with FIL & MIL for this reason.
We always put lots of effort in to getting a gift that they will like, and in return I get a frilly scarf (I absolutely never wear anything like that).

I don’t mind if someone can’t afford a lot but at least put some thought in it.

firstimemamma · 27/12/2019 13:33

Yanbu, it's rude and thoughtless.

I really don't understand the people saying 'be grateful, maybe it's all they could afford!' etc. How exactly is buying a non-drinker wine appropriate? A gift that cost less than wine but would have actually served some use to the op would've been far better.

sayanythingelse · 27/12/2019 13:41

Why would your MIL get you a present at all?

Because I like my MIL. We see PILs most days and they and come to ours for Xmas so it would be pretty weird if we didn't get eachother gifts? Confused

daisypond · 27/12/2019 13:42

My in-laws and I never exchanged presents and I loved them dearly. Both are dead now. Likewise my DH would never exchange presents with my parents, and they get on very well too. My parents and I don’t exchange presents either, nor do grown-up siblings, though I suppose that is more unusual. We are all very close.

DJA1511 · 27/12/2019 13:49

Smellies, candles, calendars, chocolates etc ads often ‘easy’ presents! Things they don’t really have to put any thought into.

I am grateful for whatever I receive but I do get annoyed by people not putting thought into things.

A close family member bought my daughter who is 4 and has dyspraxia an adult colouring book. It would be too advanced for any 4 year old tbh.

Close Family members bought me smellies which cracks me up every year. They bloody know I get eczema and can only use a small amount of products on my skin

Also I’m a non drinker and have been bought alcohol before.

Sausagerols · 27/12/2019 14:05

There are literally kids starving in the world

Swipe left for the next trending thread