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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really hate generic gifts?

41 replies

SnowGoblin · 27/12/2019 10:12

I've been reading the unwanted gift threads this morning. So many people with generic, re gifted stuff they don't really want.

This year, I got: Chocolates (I'm vegan), wine (I don't drink), smellies that went out of date last year so I'm assuming a re gift.

And DD got 3 diaries. She doesn't use them.

All of those presents would be fine, if you knew the person would like them. It just seems like no thought goes into some presents whatsoever. I'm feeling a bit down as I spent loads on really nice personal gifts that I knew people would enjoy, and in return, I end up with a load of generic stuff.

OP posts:

Pintsizedblondie197 · 27/12/2019 14:26

YANBU. I sent a gift to a friend and didn't even get one in return and my work Secret Santa this year bought me a giant box of truffles which while nice, was completely generic, lacked any thought and could have been gifted to anyone.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 27/12/2019 14:33

There are literally kids starving in the world

I don't think Bayliss and Harding is edible so that's not really relevant, is it.

daisypond · 27/12/2019 14:34

A box of truffles sounds great to me. I got a box from my DH - this was my only present- and was perfectly happy. It’s a nice present from anyone, and is lovely as a secret Santa. I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t be OK with this - obviously as long as you’re not allergic or vegan etc.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 27/12/2019 15:08

A box of truffles sounds great to me......I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t be OK with this - obviously as long as you’re not allergic or vegan etc.

OP specifically said:
This year, I got: Chocolates (I'm vegan)

So that's why she thought it was a cruddy present.

Think of something you can't use/don't like/are allergic to and then think how it would make you feel if someone who is supposed to know, love and value you got you that? Would you feel "perfectly happy" then?

daisypond · 27/12/2019 15:15

Buzz I was not referring to the OP, but to Pintsized’s post at 14:26, who complained about truffles being generic.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 27/12/2019 15:19

Ah, sorry Daisy

My point stands though - think of something you dislike or can't use and see if it still sounds as nice? One woman's truffles is another's bath oil and all that.

virginpinkmartini · 27/12/2019 15:35

@daisypond Like what? What can you get for £5 that is relevant? I’m perfectly happy to receive Bayliss and Harding stuff. All the presents I received this year were generic ones.

It's not that hard to think of something more personal than that for the same price. My brother's girlfriend got me about 5 or 6 pounds worth of the more obscure spices and smoked salt from the supermarket in a small gift basket. She knows I'm a chef and like to experiment in the kitchen. That's great that you like Bayliss and Harding, but I don't. You may not like spices and salt and that's fine too.

virginpinkmartini · 27/12/2019 15:39

And no, it's nothing to do with being entitled. If someone bought me absolutely zip I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I'd rather someone didn't bother than buy me a petrol station present that they didn't really want to buy me.

hazell42 · 27/12/2019 15:40

Oh boo hoo.
A giftor didnt get you exactly what you wanted.
You have no idea whether the gifts you bought were really thoughtful or whether the recipient thought 'wtf?',.and smiled sweetly before shoving it in a cupboard.
Someone bought you a gift.
They went out, in the cold, spent their money on something they thought, wrongly as it turns out, that you would like. they wrapped it, and brought it to you, and handed it over with warm wishes.
They may not be aware that vegans can't eat chocolate, you dont like wine or the smellies were last year's stock. and they certainly couldn't have known 2 other people already bought your daughter a diary.
Smile. Thank them. Shove it in a cupboard.

daisypond · 27/12/2019 15:42

Yes, but in general that is why people give generic presents - because most people will be OK with them so they are the safest bet. People try to do the right thing - they might not be imaginative or thoughtful but they do try. They are not trying to offend, but you can see how much offence is taken just on this thread. There’s so much sneering about present giving I find it distasteful. It doesn’t matter in the great scheme of things. There’s a post up thread from someone who bought some, in her eyes, a thoughtful and considerate present of cups for her daughter, who clearly regarded them as naff and thoughtless. Surely the exchange of generic presents would be better all round. It is the act of giving, of receiving, not the gift itself, that matters.

Elbeagle · 27/12/2019 15:47

I have never heard of in-laws giving a present

Fair enough that you chose not to, but never heard of it? Really? My in-laws got me tickets to a concert that they know id love which happens to be on my birthday next year, and offered to babysit for it. My parents got DH some lovely gifts that they know he would like (because they know him).

Hairwizard · 27/12/2019 16:15

Got an unusual amount of crap this year myself. Sil has already started christmas shopping for next year in the sales!! And she regifts alot!! Most of the stuff in mine from her was obv regifted. And impersonal. Hate that. She does it cos she feels she has to. Id rather she didnt.
I enjoy choosing gifts for people. If i buy something its for a person in mind. Not a bunch of stuff that 'might do someone' cos its in the sales.

Miriel · 27/12/2019 16:26

YANBU.

My mother knows that I've worked really hard to get down to a healthy weight this year. I asked for no food gifts for that reason, and gave some suggestions for other stuff that I might like, including 'generic' easy-to-find stuff like candles.

My presents from her included enough chocolate to fill two carrier bags. Most of it is stuff you'd get for a kid's Christmas stocking, like tubes of Smarties and chocolate Santas. I'm in my thirties. I don't have children to give it to. I didn't want any chocolate. If she honestly couldn't refrain from buying me some, why not get a small box of nice chocolates instead of bags full of cheap stuff?

It honestly feels like an attempt at sabotage, especially as she's very overweight herself and claims that calorie-counting just doesn't work for her.

newyearnewear · 27/12/2019 16:32

I have to buy a present for a relative every year who always looks disgusted at my gift. It makes no difference whether I try to buy something personal or not. She never thanks me or looks pleased. I therefore make very little effort to buy her anything.

virginpinkmartini · 27/12/2019 21:45

@Miriel I immediately thought 'sabotage' reading your post.. How unsupportive of your mum.

Miriel · 27/12/2019 22:05

@virginpinkmartini Yes - I didn't really want to reach that conclusion, but it's hard to see any other!

On the bright side, I haven't had a chocolate binge, and I'm planning to take it to a local supermarket that has a food bank collection box, so hopefully it'll end up somewhere that it's more appreciated.

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