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AIBU?

To think life is easier for extroverts ?

48 replies

Lardlizard · 27/12/2019 09:31

I think I’m naturally extroverted, then I went through a Hugh life changing loss and have been introverted for the best part of the last almost 8 years
I still see bits of the old me coming up more n more
But I realise now life was a lot easier when your more extroverted

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

121 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
15%
You are NOT being unreasonable
85%
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 27/12/2019 09:35

I’m not sure

I think accepting who you are and finding what makes you happy is the key

That tends to come with age. I think when younger your expected to be more extrovert and seen as having more fun which i don’t think is necessarily the case as for many it’s hard work

koshkat · 27/12/2019 09:37

I am no extrovert but I am married to one and people flock to him and adore him! Me...not so much!

Doingtheboxerbeat · 27/12/2019 09:40

I have definitely become more introverted since I am older as I am no longer afraid of saying no to things I don't wish to do.
I had a very strong reputation for being a 24 hour party person but deep down I was happier alone.

ViaSacra · 27/12/2019 09:46

I disagree. I think you’re conflating good social skills with extroversion. I think people with good social skills certainly have it easier, but that’s not the same as being extroverted.

I am an introvert, but I am confident, have good social skills, and am easily able to interact with people during the course of my day. When I get home, I need to spend some time by myself to recharge, reading a book or watching a film, but I don’t think this has held me back at all.

Jenpop234 · 27/12/2019 09:50

It depends. I'm naturally an extrovert and it was fab in my 20s. I went out most nights, made loads of friends and really enjoyed myself. Now in my 30s with kids I can find it terribly isolating and lonely at times. I miss having the freedom to meet new people and go out more. I think I would have adjusted better to motherhood if i was introverted and had been happy to stay at home more.
I guess it depends if you can make your personality fit in with your lifestyle or not.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2019 09:55

I agree with @ViaSacra l'm introvert and l get along with the majority of people just fine. I just need some alone time and l'm not keen on people that ask loads of questions.

Gertrudesgarden · 27/12/2019 09:56

No, I think its just a bit different, that's all. Certain career paths may be more natural for one than the other, I guess, but i'd guess its more down to personality and social skills for most things. Culture also plays a role - apparently in Japanese culture, it has been the quiet, studious kids who have been the most popular. I think an introverted jerk is just as big a jerk as an extroverted jerk.

Paddington68 · 27/12/2019 09:57

Life isn't easier for extroverts, they just tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you it is,

Ohnoherewego62 · 27/12/2019 09:58

I used to be an extrovert but tbh I honestly found it exhausting. So some of it must of been faked. People then seek you out for entertainment etc and feels a bit like a performance.

As I've gotten older, i realised I'm naturally an introvert and I prefer it that way.

PullingMySocksUp · 27/12/2019 10:00

I think being extrovert could be hard too. I know people who really like to be around people all the time, which I think is hard to arrange as you get older.

JeezyPeeps · 27/12/2019 10:03

I disagree.

Introverts can do very well indeed once they understand introversion, and honour their need for down time.

Extroverts can struggle if they find themselves alone in life.

I think both can be ready or difficult depending on the circumstances you find yourself in, and how you deal with them.

Canadianpancake · 27/12/2019 10:09

It's never easy to fit a square peg in a round hole. My life as an introvert is wonderful because my life is introvert shaped. But if I was trying to fill an extrovert shaped life I would find it very difficult and be exhausted and miserable.

There is also a difference between losing your confidence and being an introvert. If your feeling ready to start fitting back into your extrovert life but are finding it difficult maybe find an activity that helps build your confidence.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/12/2019 10:25

It depends. I'm an extrovert but as a single parent it's hard in itself as I spend most nights alone after DS goes to bed alone. So I'm constantly texting and posting on forums when I'm not around people!

It's hard at this time of year as well when people are doing things with their own families. Luckily I'm going to a friend's today.

I do think it helps in certain areas, work for example and making friends.

PaperFlowers4 · 27/12/2019 10:57

I think some things may be easier for extroverts, like parties made up of mostly strangers, job interviews etc but I don't think life in general is easier.

I dated an extrovert for a while. He was a real "life and soul of the party" guy ... loads of friends, really fun. But he always had to be around people. The idea of spending a whole weekend at home pottering around was unthinkable for him. He'd never be able to go on holiday by himself or spend an afternoon at a museum in his own company. It's not desirable to be so dependent on other people, I think. What happens as you age and it becomes more difficult to see friends all the time? In the long run it's better to be more self sufficient

Powerbunting · 27/12/2019 11:04

Nah. I'm a happy (mostly), confident (mostly) introvert. I need alone, quiet time to recharge. I need to paint, read, garden, watch tv etc. A night out clubbing has always been my idea of hell. I forced myself to do it in teens/20s and hated it. A night out at the theatre, with no need to talk about it afterwards? Brilliant stuff. A meal with friends? So much fun, but not relaxing. I need time off after to recover.

But I have decent interpersonal skills now a days. Not perfect, but decent. Many extroverts are far from perfect too.

Life is easier since I realised what I need to recharge my batteries is not more time with people.

Misscromwellrocks · 27/12/2019 11:13

I'm an introvert and found my teens and twenties difficult as the expectation is that you should be out partying and clubbing with a big gang of mates.

However as you get older and more comfortable in your own skin it doesn't matter anymore.

TabbyStar · 27/12/2019 11:17

I was thinking the same this morning, that I should really speak to family and friends, but I find phoning people needs so much psyching myself up. I hate making any phone calls so things get left undone and hanging over me.

IcedPurple · 27/12/2019 11:23

I am an introvert, but I am confident, have good social skills, and am easily able to interact with people during the course of my day. When I get home, I need to spend some time by myself to recharge, reading a book or watching a film, but I don’t think this has held me back at all.

Exactly.

I'm very much an introvert but work in a job which involves interacting with others pretty much all the time. I can manage and am told I'm pretty good at it, but I can only do so in the knowledge that once I can go home, I can sit by myself and don't need to see or speak to anyone for hours or even days. People are often surprised to be told I consider myself an introvert but I think that's because they confuse the term 'intorvert' with 'shy' or 'socially anxious' and it's really not the same thing at all.

Also, several posters here are saying things like 'I used to be an extrovert but now I'm an introvert'. I don't think that's possible. Introversion and extroversion are fundamental personality traits. You can't flip from one to the other any more than you can change from having brown eyes to blue eyes.

hushnowthanks · 27/12/2019 11:24

I agree with @ViaSacra - I have good personal skills, a job which involves interaction with lots of people and plenty of friends. However, I would never call myself an extrovert and I really value my alone time.

In my experience, many people believe that introvert equals shy and anti-social, whereas extrovert equals sociable and ‘fun’. I’m no sociologist, but I don’t think it’s quite that simple.

Interested to see what others think.

Misscromwellrocks · 27/12/2019 11:32

I used to be a lot shyer than I am now. But I'll always be an introvert. Even on a good night out I enjoy getting home and having time to myself and in work I can take ten minutes or so in our noisy chatty canteen before I need to escape to my room.

Teateaandmoretea · 27/12/2019 12:57

In my experience, many people believe that introvert equals shy and anti-social, whereas extrovert equals sociable and ‘fun’. I’m no sociologist, but I don’t think it’s quite that simple.

^^totally agree. It's more about how you relax than social skills. Extroverts like to be surrounded by people, introverts like to problem solve alone and time to themselves.

One of the most unhappy people I have ever met was an extrovert who lacked social skills.

I think loss doesn't make you an introvert OP, it just showed that you weren't actually as extrovert as you thought you were. My dad is very extrovert, after mum died he was NEVER IN as he coped by surrounding himself with people.

SuePerb · 27/12/2019 13:07

I agree with other posts - it's not easier for either extroverts or introverts, but it's about working out which you are and living the right life for it.

I used to think I was introverted because I'm quite reserved, but actually, a few hours on my own just makes me depressed and tired. I much prefer being with other people. Whenever I work from home I feel really low - I actually prefer being in the office!

peachgreen · 27/12/2019 13:08

I don't think so. My friend is an extrovert. Her relationship ended about 6 months ago and she cannot cope with being alone EVER. So she's constantly on the go, completely worn out and ill, and if I'm honest she's rather outstayed her welcome with a lot of our friends because she asks for so much attention all the time (including physical contact which is tough for us introverts to give!). I'd rather have a hard time at parties but be comfortable in my own company than the way she is.

thepeopleversuswork · 27/12/2019 13:12

Up to a point...

I think social stuff is certainly easier for extroverts in that they tend to be more gregarious and thrive around different types of people. They are less likely to suffer from the crisis of confidence you get walking into a room for of strangers.

But IME a fair amount (not all) of extroverts are often quite needy and dependent people and struggle to deal with life on their own and need other people around them all the time in a way which isn't always massively healthy.

One of my oldest friends is the total life and soul always finds it incredibly easy to strike up conversations with strangers, dazzles at parties etc but has had a surprisingly hard time keeping long-term friendships because her neediness pushes people away.

A bit of introversion is healthy: its really important to enjoy your own company and be able to get in touch with your authentic self without relying on others all the time.

I think a bit of both is ideal.

BacktoMA · 27/12/2019 13:18

I certainly find certain aspects of life easier as an extrovert compared to my introverted husband: particularly in regards to assertiveness, climbing the career ladder (though I accept that depends on the career- networking). I'm not sure it can be generalised to all things though.

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