Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babysitting etiquette

27 replies

Feelinggoodashell · 27/12/2019 08:12

My sister has asked us family to look after her children this weekend so her and her husband can have a weekend away. When I say asked - she actually just told us she wanted to do it. She told us two weeks ago and I forgot about it as I hadn’t said yes. She mentioned again yesterday. Thing is, my parents are mid 70s and so I think it’s unfair for it to be just them who looks after them as they are preschool age so hard work. So it will need me to help and I want to help, I love the kids. But this weekend doesn’t work for me as I have uni work due in mid January and I live far away so I would have to come and stay in order to help.
So Am I being unreasonable to ask her to move the weekend away to end of Jan? They havn’t booked it yet.
It’s a repeat problem with my sister - she decides she wants to do something then tells us we need to look after the kids. I would prefer if she asked us when are we free to babysit and then work around that. She actually had to cancel a 5 night holiday this year as she booked it without asking anyone to babysit before she booked and my parents refused saying they couldn’t cope for 5 nights .
I always feel guilty saying no as I do want to help but I just wish my life could be taken into consideration prior to her booking things in.
So.... am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Sparklybaublefest · 27/12/2019 08:14

No, of course yanbu
it isnt convenient. just tell her

whywhywhy6 · 27/12/2019 08:14

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I’m surprised you didn’t say it wouldn’t work for you when she first mentioned it?

Original poster
Feelinggoodashell · 27/12/2019 08:17

@whywhywhy6 I should have. I think it was just because we were out for lunch and she mentioned it in a jokey way To me and my parents rather than a serious “are you free to babysit” so we all just laughed and then moved on.
In hindsight I shoyld have said instantly actually it won’t work.
I guess the other problem is I feel like she will do it anyway and then I feel bad for my parents.

OP posts:
Flashinggreen · 27/12/2019 08:18

If you’re not able to do it she will have to rearrange. I’m currently at my ILs and my BIL and his wife take the piss in a similar way. They’ve left their children here after being out all day yesterday and have work this morning. They have a live in nanny, so have built in childcare. But my MIL would never say no. An older cousin is having to share a room with them, we have our child in with us and they have perfectly good beds 30 mins away.

Good luck, she needs to learn.

Iloveacurry · 27/12/2019 08:19

You and your parents need to say no. Your sister sounds very entitled.

BillywilliamV · 27/12/2019 08:21

You should have said no at the time, it's probably too late for her to change. In your situation I would just chalk this up to experience and enjoy time with my niece/ nephews.
Take some work with you, there will be time when they are in bed/ watching TV etc.

DDiva · 27/12/2019 08:26

If it isnt convenient you should have said when she asked you. 'No sorry but I could do the last weekend in January after my work is finished, can you re arrange? '
YABU to only say now the day before that it dosnt suit you.

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2019 08:28

Your parents seem perfectly able to say No, so if you need to work then work.

Bluewall · 27/12/2019 08:29

I would just leave your parents to babysit. Mid 70s they can cope for a couple of days unless their are serious health issues. 2 adults and 2 kids is fine they don't need a 3rd adult.

Vulpine · 27/12/2019 08:31

Its between her and your parents really. And if they can't they should say no

rookiemere · 27/12/2019 08:35

I'm struggling to understand how she asked for babysitting in a jokey way. Surely the right time to say yes or no is when she initially asked, and also to tell her what you said that you are happy to babysit but need advance notice to be asked.

Also your GPs may be capable of managing for a weekend by themselves.

Rosebel · 27/12/2019 09:32

Your parents have said no before they could have said it again. Does it really need 3 adults to care for 2 children. My parents are in their mid 70s and still look after my children regularly (although I'd never tell I wait for them to offer).

Original poster
Feelinggoodashell · 27/12/2019 09:35

That’s all very true. Maybe I am trying to “rescue” my parents too much.

OP posts:
Jenpop234 · 27/12/2019 09:54

YANBU but you should have said no earlier.

NomNomNomNom · 27/12/2019 10:17

Just say no. Otherwise you'll establish a pattern where your Dsis expects your parents to babysit whenever she fancies a trip away, your parents will agree knowing you'll come down to help - however inconvenient and the cycle will continue.

Talulahbeige · 27/12/2019 17:07

My concern would be that the gps would do it but then i read your post where they had refused previously, so as long as it didn't mean the burden would soley be on them instead id refuse

cstaff · 27/12/2019 17:44

Just say no. She is being ridiculous booking without sorting out babysitting first. She has her priorities arse about face.

Waveysnail · 27/12/2019 18:25

Tell her you can do x weekend and that mum and dad cant cope alone with her preschool aged children

BackforGood · 27/12/2019 18:35

Really @Bluewall ?

I think most folk in their 70s would find looking after 2 pre-schoolers for a weekend pretty exhausting.
I suspect a lot of Grandparents of that age might do it if there is some reason the parents really need it, but it is too much to ask (most - I know there will be exceptions) people in their 70s "because they fancy a weekend away".

You need to be firm with your sister now. Say that you love being with your dns, but, if she wants to palm them off on you, she needs to ask first and work out a mutually convenient date, and she needs to pay your travel home too.

Bluewall · 27/12/2019 19:07

A poster above also said her parents can do it. I'm sure they would be tired at the end of it but nothing they couldn't handle that's the great part of being grandparents is it not - you get to hand them back at the end of the weekend and go back to your quiet life ?

Why is it so bad for parents with young kids to want a weekend away ? If it is a rare occurrence it will be a nice break for them and time together as a couple.

Invisimamma · 27/12/2019 19:23

I do ask my mum to babysit a few times a year so that dp and I can have some time as a couple. But I wouldn't ever assume she'll just do it on a whim, usually a couple of months in advance I will say 'we're thinking of booking x for xdate, would you be able to have the boys? If it not, it's not a problem!'

My mum is in her 50s though! I'd hate to think she felt obligated to have them or that we were in convincing her.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/12/2019 19:26

This weekend? As in tomorrow?

Yeah obviously too late for her not to do it and impose on your parents

Pop2017 · 27/12/2019 19:32

I think she needs to realise that you can just expect people to have her children at the drop of a hat and often weekends away are off the cards whilst children are young.

Myself and Oh haven’t had a date night in about 5 years and never had a weekend away since having DD.

Honestly she sounds incredibly entitled, selfish and rude. Fair enough ask if somebody can babysit and if they can then brill but if not then no weekend away.

She can’t just assume.

Her kids aren’t your responsibility.

Bluewall · 28/12/2019 08:29

It sounds like she asked 2 weeks ago though ? And it sounds like she asked her parents not her sister ? OP has just taken it upon herself to 'resuce' her parents from their own grandchildren.

chocatoo · 28/12/2019 08:50

Don’t compromise your uni work!

Swipe left for the next trending thread