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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think underwear as a gift when dating is as much/more for the giver?

75 replies

Yoshimi2019 · 27/12/2019 08:00

I think that is worded badly! But you get the gist.

Sexy underwear as a present in a dating relationship. I'm a bit pah! about it. I'm not young, I like underwear to be comfortable, i have a lifetime of experience of choosing underwear to know what i like.

I'm not bothered in terms of getting a good present. Any/no gift would have been fine.

Am i being no fun?!

OP posts:

Honeybee85 · 27/12/2019 11:56

@Zaphodsotherhead

Did I say something very strange ?
English is not my native language .
I meant one of those transparent polyester thongs.
(Confession: I do wear thongs but mine are black 100% cotton so quite ‘decent’)

70sWitch · 27/12/2019 12:01

So how does he look in it?

BigFatLiar · 27/12/2019 12:23

First Christmas I made a point of saying no sexy/embarrassing underwear. My bf was at his parents for Christmas so I had my presents at home with my family. One parcel from him was small and soft. My mother was grinning as I picked it up and went beetroot. She insisted I open it. It as a waist slip and camisole, very nice and my size. Mum said he'd told her about the present as I'd made such a point of saying no. At least they weren't tasteless and I did wear them. (I did get some nice proper presents). I don't tell him what to rely on him getting things he knows I'd like. No underwear or clothes as presents.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/12/2019 12:24

Honeybee -not laughing at you, it was a typing/spellcheck fail, not you! You typed 'trough' (as in a gulley) rather than 'through'.

Made my day!

andyjusthangingaround · 27/12/2019 12:27

do you have the figure to carry a sexy lingerie?
Some women like comfortable granny knickers, some women feel empowered in sexy lingerie - body confidence

Honeybee85 · 27/12/2019 12:35

@Zaphodsotherhead

I understand now, indeed it’s funny.
It’s a funny part of the English language, you can make one minor mistake and suddenly everything gets a different meaning

Lweji · 27/12/2019 12:36

No better way to snuff out your DH's view of you as a sexual being by being shitty to him about such gifts. I guess that is the intention.

It depends. If you have a good sex life and sexy underwear is something you like and wear, there's no reason to be shitty about it.

If you aren't even having sex, or he's a sex pest, or you don't even own a piece of a remotely sexy underwear, then it's not a good gift. Not sure why any woman should be grateful to receive such gifts or how they are the only way for a man to see their female partner as a sexual being.
If any partner can only view me as a sexual being in sexy underwear, then I wouldn't want to be with him.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 27/12/2019 12:36

I think it depends on the gift and your relationship. My DH has often bought me lovely underwear (like La Perla) that I wouldn't normally splash out on but do enjoy wearing. It's beautiful rather than overtly sexy - so although I'm sure he enjoys seeing me in it, it is a present for both of us.

I think in your situation, it's a bit of an odd gift.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/12/2019 12:40

Isn't it a little bit like buying your DH a penis-enlarger for Christmas? A kind of thinly-veiled hint that you aren't quite satisfied with your sex life?

Couple-dependent of course, some women love getting sexy underwear. I just don't know any.

Ragwort · 27/12/2019 13:11

I think it’s an extremely poor choice of a gift if you are not in a sexual relationship .

ferrier · 27/12/2019 13:29

Couple-dependent of course, some women love getting sexy underwear. I just don't know any.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 27/12/2019 13:35

To be honest, I'm sat in god-awful huge granny knickers due to being heavily pregnant and recovering from a haemorrhoid op I long for the days when I can wear sexy underwear again! (As in, beautiful bra & pants sets, not tacky Ann Summers nonsense)

CosmoK · 27/12/2019 13:42

Couple-dependent of course, some women love getting sexy underwear. I just don't know any

Me! We buy each other underwear every Christmas. We also buy cosy, comfy PJ's too.

SimonJT · 27/12/2019 13:49

It depends entirely on the couple, we have both bought each other that sort of stuff (not for xmas), but only after a discussion which meant we both agreed that was okay.

The way he has done it OP is very very weird.

KatsWhiskas · 27/12/2019 13:56

Perfect response, QuarterPastMidnight...well done!

PapayaCoconut · 27/12/2019 16:04

To assume that lingerie is just for 'his' pleasure as a blanket statement even if it is only applied to certain shops says more about the state of a particular relationship and individual than it does about the items in many cases.

Well, in my case, my ex bought me a bright red fishnet bodystocking. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I would have felt humiliated in that, even though I was (and still am) pretty happy with my body!

DH has never bought me underwear. I've tried wearing sexy stuff for him but he just wants to take it off and throw it on the floor so what's the point?

Auridon4life · 27/12/2019 16:09

I love silky dressing gowns and pyjamas or teddies. I'm obsessed with kimonos and 1950s housecoats

Original poster

Yoshimi2019 · 27/12/2019 17:14

Er... Without getting into a lot of detail, the slow didn't mean no sex at all.

But I was just thinking about lingerie gifts as a general thing anyway when I posted.

I think it's clearly different for different people at different times. Might say more about me and my feelings about how things are generally which has been useful to think about.

I like the sound of 1950s housecoats!

OP posts:

Fraggling · 27/12/2019 17:20

I used to work in a dept store and after Xmas it was rammed with women swapping 'sexy' undies usually many sizes too small for comfy stuff.

Fraggling · 27/12/2019 17:21

It's a gift for the man. Agree with everyone else.

TooManyPaws · 27/12/2019 17:26

Depends what you class as sexy undies. One bf found plain white knickers sexy, another filled my underwear drawer with slip-type nighties. Black stretch lace granny pants I could cope with now...

Ann Summers style definitely NOT.

happinessischocolate · 27/12/2019 17:39

Many years ago I remember my DFIL giving my DMIL a set of expensive saucepans and lots of red lacy underwear for Christmas..... she was not happy 😆 the underwear went back and the saucepans got banged around in a regular basis.

He didn't learn and gave her an iron and more underwear the following year 😆

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 27/12/2019 17:58

I knew DH was a keeper when we got over him having a brain fart on my birthday and buying me a fancy underwear set when I never wear lingerie. I probably was a bit bratty about it, but I'd overheard him saying something about "birthday" and "matching set" and thought he'd got me a necklace or bracelet to match the lovely earrings he'd given me for Christmas. I was massively unamused because it felt as if he didn't know me half as well as I thought he did.

Astrabees · 27/12/2019 18:05

I'm 63, the Bluebella gift box containing a Basque and 2 Lacey thongs from DH made me very happy indeed, I will enjoy wearing them when we are together and under my best clothes for parties, opera etc. Nothing would make me sadder than sensible undies as a present.

Original poster

Yoshimi2019 · 27/12/2019 18:31

Yes I mentioned age, didn't I? I suppose I was thinking that it has taken me to this age not to be doing things just to please others, dressing to look attractive etc.
Not that I think young women's look good in things that older women don't.

OP posts:

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