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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Vegan drinks

32 replies

CommunistLegoBloc · 26/12/2019 23:06

I gave a vegan relative a gift bag with some spirits and specialist beers in - asked the shop if the beers were run through a fish bladder to refine them. Nope, all good.

Just had a furious text from said relative saying they'd drunk a beer and then checked the can and it contains lactose. Now, I feel that it's up to them to check the label. It would never occur to me that beer could contain lactose so didn't ask the shop, and as a vegetarian I always take responsibility to check labels myself. If I don't, that's on me. I certainly wouldn't contact a gift giver to complain about thoughtlessness! AIBU?

OP posts:
Boom45 · 26/12/2019 23:09

Did you ask if the beer was vegan? If you did and the shop said yes then what else could you have done?

ActualHornist · 26/12/2019 23:10

Just tell them the shop said it was ok.

Original poster
CommunistLegoBloc · 26/12/2019 23:13

I only asked about fish bladders, to be fair. But I just feel it's rude to kick off about a gift that is ostensibly suitable and kindly chosen with the best of intentions?

OP posts:
Boom45 · 26/12/2019 23:16

I think if you give someone a vegan gift basket its reasonable for the recipient to assume it's all vegan. Calling you to kick off is a bit much but I think I'd be annoyed if I were them.

Original poster
CommunistLegoBloc · 26/12/2019 23:18

Totally understand the annoyance. It's happened to me - a vegetarian hamper where something has gelatin in it etc - but I also think someone has spent time and money and it's just a mistake. Not something to get so furious about. I fully admit I made a mistake, no debate there.

OP posts:
RoomR0613 · 26/12/2019 23:19

Just give them an ASDA smart price 2l bottle of still water next year.

Sparkling if you are feeling generous.

Candlecandle · 26/12/2019 23:22

I'm vegan, I definitely wouldn't call you to complain! I think that's rude, I'd feel it's my responsibility to check these things. (I do double check things).

As with any group of people, there are some reasonable ones and some unreasonable ones!

Nice you made the effort for them, I would appreciate that.

Feelingstupid123456789101112 · 26/12/2019 23:22

I’m vegan and my boss gave us all little hampers for Christmas, all contained a Terry’s chocolate orange but mine was dark. Boss obviously assumed it was vegan because I eat dark chocolate. It’s not vegan, it has milk in. I gratefully received it and thanked him because I’m not an ungrateful cunt. Your relative is massively rude and unreasonable. Their lifestyle choice isn’t your responsibility.

vassdal · 26/12/2019 23:30

I think your relative is very rude. They should have checked the label themselves before drinking as they presumably know to check for lactose. I had no idea beer had lactose in it. If it turned out the beer wasn't vegan they should have just poured it away.
I think it's ridiculous to send a "furious" text about something like that.

That said, I wouldn't buy a vegan food and drink products as a present as I don't know the ins and outs of what is and isn't vegan.

londonscalling · 26/12/2019 23:40

Don't buy them anything next year!

Original poster
CommunistLegoBloc · 26/12/2019 23:46

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. They said they thought I would have checked because they thought I would 'respect their lifestyle choices'. Which I do, but it can't be all my responsibility!

OP posts:
vassdal · 26/12/2019 23:48

They said they thought I would have checked because they thought I would 'respect their lifestyle choices'.

Cheeky feckers. Don't get them anything next year.
Why the hell should you be responsible for checking everything for them.

Cinammoncake · 26/12/2019 23:51

How very rude of them! They should have checked themselves or just kept quiet about it, that's what most people would do imo

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 26/12/2019 23:53

respect their lifestyle choices

Totally hearing this in a Cartman voice!

ProfessionalBoss · 27/12/2019 01:03

I think you went above and beyond creating a thoughtful gift, and asking about the fish bladders. I too was unaware that beers could contain lactose, but if I had received a hamper I would see it as my own responsibility to double check if I had dietary requirements.

I eat meat now for health reasons, definitely not through choice, but the majority of my diet is vegetarian/vegan, because that is what I actually enjoy eating... Even before I introduced meat to my diet, if someone had inadvertently included sweets containing gelatin etc in a gift, I would accept with gratitude and then give them to family members to eat, not be an ungrateful "see you next Tuesday" and complain about it to the person...

Tolleshunt · 27/12/2019 01:17

If they want you to ‘respect their lifestyle choices’ by double-checking labels, how come they don’t respect their own lifestyle choices enough to check labels?

AwakeAmbs · 27/12/2019 01:18

No one needs meat for health reasons

Unless you want heart disease and cancer, stop eating corpses

araiwa · 27/12/2019 01:20

Seems weird to ask about fish bladders as opposed to just asking for vegan beer

Tolleshunt · 27/12/2019 01:44

In your haste to come on here and boss us all about, AwakeAmbs, you’ve managed to totally miss the point of the thread.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 27/12/2019 01:50

I’d feel a bit guilty if I purposely bought a vegan gift for a vegan and it ended up not being vegan, like it’s a waste of money/time for everyone involved? She should have checked the label before drinking it though

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 27/12/2019 01:57

If you actually received a furious message from your relative, they're an arse.
Genuine mistake on your part.
I'm married to a vegan, and have been milk and egg intolerant/allergic myself for years.
I tend to find people don't realise how much things milk is in.
It's certainly not until DH became vegan that I found out wine for example could have milk or eggs in it.
It's not somewhere you'd think to look.

user1473878824 · 27/12/2019 01:58

Would like to start this by saying I have no problem with veganism at all but FFS it’s not an allergy is it? You drank something you wouldn’t usually but it’s not like it killed you. Ffs.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 27/12/2019 02:04

User, no, it's not an allergy, but why is it so hard for some to accept that it's a dietary choice and an ethical decision for some?
I'm not a vegan but respect people who are.

londonscalling · 27/12/2019 02:54

If she got confused and drank it by mistake then she must accept it was easy for you to get confused and buy it by mistake too. The onus is on her to check! (Caffeine REALLY does not agree with me. If someone bought me something by mistake which contained caffeine, ie chocolates, I'd just not eat them. I wouldn't even mention it to the person who gave me the gift)!

Ocomeocomeimaginaryfleas · 27/12/2019 09:05

How rude of them. A gift is a gift. If they are strict vegans it must be second nature to them to check labels, so they could perfectly well have done this themselves to be on the safe side. Which it appears they have done, just after the fact.

My response would be a breezy text to say "Not to worry, I'll pass your message on to the shop so they'll know in future!"