AIBU?
Would you go to a wedding where known DV had happened
knorrig · 26/12/2019 22:17
OH brother marrying awful GF early Jan.
Groom to be currently has a black eye and he’s confirmed she did it.
Back story, she’s super controlling, he’s tried to finish but she won’t let go, got pregnant when she was apparently on the pill etc generally awful manipulative person who’s caused family upset. He’s v passive!
I didn’t like her before but now have a massive issue with attending the wedding of somebody beat their other half, too much hypocrisy and fakery for me!
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
CoffeeCoinnesseur · 26/12/2019 22:20
I would do everything I could to ensure that the victim was not isolated and separated from their family and their support network, as quite often that's exactly what a controlling abusive partner wants - total isolation and control - and if that meant gritting my teeth and attending their wedding then so be it.
Boom45 · 26/12/2019 22:22
This is hard, one of my best friends is in a relationship with a man who is very controlling and I know he's hit her at least once. She's giving him yet another chance and I am finding it so hard to see him without telling him what I think (and therefore giving him a great reason to stop her seeing me). You can't force him to break it off, all you can do is support him and not let her isolate hi from his family and support network. I'd hate to go to that wedding but I'd grit my teeth and be there because if you don't that might mean that you can't be their when he really needs you.
BB8sAntenna · 26/12/2019 22:31
My DB was in an abusive relationship for years, his wedding to that awful troll was the weirdest experience, shot gun wedding as she was pregnant and years of control until he finally left. Years later he is building a relationship with his children.
I couldn’t have not gone, I needed to for him and I think you should too. It’s horrible and so very hard but she will try and isolate him as much as possible from his family.
JockTamsonsBairns · 26/12/2019 22:37
I had this exact same situation 14 years ago, a very close lifelong friend was marrying his horribly abusive gf. I knew of the abuse, and had seen it play out, so I declined to attend their wedding. It cost me the friendship, which was inevitable I think, but I regret making that decision now. I heard through the grapevine a few years ago that they'd divorced, and I really wish I hadn't foregone the friendship out of principle, and that I could be there to support him. I miss him, and I miss all the years we lost. I can never get that back now, so do think carefully.
Originalusernameunavailable · 26/12/2019 22:52
I posted something very similar this summer about my now BiL and SIL.
We didn’t go to the wedding out of principal of the fact he openly told us she had caused injuries and we have witnessed this ourselves.
We’ve not had anything to do with them since apart from an occasional text when absolutely necessary ie in laws plans etc.
MrsDilligaf · 26/12/2019 22:53
Tough one this....
Part of me thinks that you shouldn't go, the other part thinks you should.
DV is incredibly difficult to get out of, because of the manipulation and lies, so it's crucial that you are highly visible to your BIL, and that you remain so.
BUT...I think I would find it impossible to go to a wedding where one of the couple was violent towards the other. It would feel like a sham and utterly fake to be congratulating the "happy couple ".
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