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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel I've been completely 'mugged off'?

39 replies

BBOA · 26/12/2019 20:23

Family invited themselves to Christmas Eve buffet at our house at 11am as we have more room. (Still only a semi). Explained I was working the Monday and would need to get shopping 1st thing so 12.30 better. Family drop their buffet food off at 11.00 anyway and then go off for walk leaving me and DH to cook food. Expected them back at 12.30 but 1.00 comes and goes. They finally pitch up about 1.30 claiming walk took longer and no real apologies. Turns out walk took longer as they stopped off for a coffee!!! Additional detail is that it took an hour and a half to cook their buffet food. We have Gluten free /vegan diets so couldnt eat their stuff, some of which required complex 'construction'. Once they did sit down they did feck all and were waited on hand and foot whilst their bonkers dog constantly kept jumping up on the table, ruining the table cloth I was hoping to use Christmas day.
I'm not interested in hearing that Christmas is all about giving as I was knackered, recovering from flu and had spent hours tidying the house. They flat out lied about stopping for coffee and let us cook everything. Are they complete at utter CF's or is it my imagination????!!!

OP posts:
LoveNote · 26/12/2019 20:25

not quite sure why you didnt mention it to them there and then

lastqueenofscotland · 26/12/2019 20:27

What do you mean invited themselves? If they said they’d just pop round just say “no sorry that won’t work”. Surely?

Original poster
BBOA · 26/12/2019 20:27

Lovenote.... I only found out they had stopped for coffee when I spoke to them after. They'd blamed it on family member walking off!!!!

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 26/12/2019 20:29

Next year if they make suggestions of coming to you again when not convenient - "No that doesn't work for us. We can come to you on X day?"

TheReluctantCountess · 26/12/2019 20:29

What did the dog do to the table cloth?

FlamingoAndJohn · 26/12/2019 20:29

Cheeky fuckers. Do you live near nice walking areas? Seems that they are essentially using you as a cafe.

Original poster
BBOA · 26/12/2019 20:30

My house is the best of family houses for entertaining of all involved. Was best option but wouldn't have necessarily offered it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
BBOA · 26/12/2019 20:31

Dog kept jumping up with muddy paws on the table edge....

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 26/12/2019 20:31

Why did you allow them to come round? Stand up for yourself and tell them no, particularly if they have form for this. If you do want them round, tell them food they bring has to be gluten free. Cross contamination could ruin your day!

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2019 20:32

Don’t you have a garden? Shove the dog out there.

TheReluctantCountess · 26/12/2019 20:36

You could have shoved the table cloth in the washing machine, and over a radiator overnight. It would have been fine.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 26/12/2019 20:40

Are you a martyr and/or afraid of confrontation?

Once they did sit down they did feck all and were waited on hand and foot whilst their bonkers dog constantly kept jumping up on the table
It's family. You tell them to get up and do jobs. You tell them to bring food that doesn't need cooking. If it needs cooking you make them do the prep. The dog jumps up once and you make them put it in the crate or outside.

All of this from the very start could have been solved with you putting your foot down. NY resolution needed to learn how to say no to people how to get your own way.

Inanothertime · 26/12/2019 20:44

If you ever decide to do this again change the rules.

Everyone brings food. COLD buffet only.
Nobody goes fir a bloody walk anywhere. They've come to see you and eat lunch and that's it.
No dog in house. WTF.

Yes, they're rude.

SandAndSea · 26/12/2019 20:54

It sounds like the signs were there. The good news is you'll be better prepared to say no next time.

RunningAwaywiththeCircus · 26/12/2019 20:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

damnthatanxiety · 26/12/2019 21:04

they weren't waited on ...YOU WAITED ON THEM. What is wrong with people. Just don't do stuff. Stop being a doormat and then complaining. Just do your thing and when they demand stuff, tell them to do it themselves.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 26/12/2019 21:07

I think you allowed it to escalate as far as it did

Eg why did the dog keep jumping up? You should have made it clear that you felt it was unacceptable the first time, so they either put the dog elsewhere or keep a tighter reign on it etc.

Winterdaysarehere · 26/12/2019 21:09

Send thank you for attending texts (via group chat) and advise that's your turn at hosting Xmas over and looking forward to your invite from whoever is next next year...

thewinkingprawn · 26/12/2019 21:11

I know it’s not the point of the thread but I am baffled by what sort of appetisers take 90 mins to construct 🤔

bigchris · 26/12/2019 21:15

God lunch at 1.30 sounds fine, great that they disappeared so you could have the kitchen to yourself , why do you keep harping about coffee

Only thing that would annoy me is the jumpy dog

Unclench woman !

Who are they anyway ? In laws you don't like ?

eaglejulesk · 26/12/2019 21:25

Trying to understand why you had to cook their food and wait on them, simply because it was your house! They are inconsiderate and rude - make sure this doesn't happen next year.

Queenest · 26/12/2019 21:29

Time to start some new traditions OP. Take yourselves out for lunch instead next year Smile

Original poster
BBOA · 26/12/2019 21:54

Thanks for the comments. Yes need to man up... Did keep shouting at dog to get down....90 minutes to cook all different nibbles and the construction was stupid mini burgers etc.. Damnthatanxiety....
Helpful but not helpful. Its actually quite upsetting. Bigchris... 'Harping' on about the coffee as they lied about it. If they had fessed up and said we stopped for a drink but they were busy so didn't get served for ages, that would have been fine. Lying is not. Won't happen again for sure! Thanks again.

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 26/12/2019 21:54

In this whole scenario, why is the coffee such a big deal? It would seem to be the least of your problems that they stopped for coffee, surely?

What is the history that has you waiting hand and foot on people you don't like with a dog that continuously jumped up in your house? Is there a reason you didn't stand up for yourself? You seem so passive.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 26/12/2019 21:58

You don't shout at the dog, you shout at the owner.

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