Is it ever ok to un-invite someone to a party

[pinkoneblueone]

My child is having a party and a friend of theirs was mean to them and ran off with another of their friend and left them alone for a period of time last time they played over. I came along and found my child who is 10 and they were upset so I took her with me as I was going to go out (their dad was at home too). The children arrived back as we were leaving in the car and made excuses but my child was very upset. The child who did this is a bit of a trouble maker. My child has just come to me and said she does not want this child to attend any more. What do we do? Is it ever ok to un-invite someone?

No.

Cope.

Is it ever ok to un-invite someone?

Yes, it's OK. Whether it's feasible to do so without causing a spiral of upset and side-taking is a very different matter.

Is the 'trouble maker' a popular child?

No. You can't uninvite.

Ofcourse not

Nope.

Didn't think it was. Just trying to see if I could ease any upset

Yes. If your child does not want them there then I would respect her wishes.

Age 10 I'd say yes, contact the parents and explain. Any younger probably not

Are both kids who ran off and left dd uninvited?

Personally I wouldn't do this, as girls relationships can move around at that age. In my girls classes the were lots of fallings in and out that I heard of.
It certainly doesn't sound like it was kind behaviour from the girl.

However the thing that would decide for me is, are they really friends?

Are they likely to make up?

Does your DD have any wish to be this girls friend going forward?

Your DD is old enough to have an idea regarding this.

If she feels a sort of Yes to the questions, let it go.
If it's a big fat No, then rescind the invite.

But tell your Dd if you do it, it will very likely sour things long term.

If you do do it, text something like "X is still very upset at being abandoned during last weeks playdate and has said the she would prefer if Y does not come to her party now. Whilst the girls might be friends again in the future, I feel it's important to respect X's wishes regarding her birthday party".

Think hard before you doing anything.

Best of luck.

If they are bullying the birthday child, yes of course its ok.

No! We had a situation once on which I absolutely was in no way going to have a child over who we had already invited to a BBQ. In the end the only suitable option was to cancel the whole event. You either cancel the whole thing, or out up with the kid being there.

Yes, don't teach your child how to accommodate meanness with a gracious smile, teach them how to explain to others that meanness isn't ok for them.

It would have to be both of the children who ran off and I would make sure dd knows it's quite a big thing to do and it will most likely have consequences beyond them not coming to the party.

They might be good consequences though as it might make the other two realise that they have hurt your dd.

I don't think we should encourage our dc, especially our dds, to put up with meanness but she would need to be sure.

I would let it lie for a few days.

Kids fall in and out with each other all the time. I would let it as it is. Chances are kids will be fine , and if you cancel it'll be the parents who fall out !

Your child sounds a lot younger than 10.

I wouldn’t un-invite as kids make up as quick as they fall out.

Yes. Your child needs to learn that they don't have to accept others being mean to them. The other child needs to learn there are consequences for their behaviour, if they're horrible to others they will miss out on things. You do neither of them a favour by accepting the bad behaviour

I agree with the other posters who suggest letting it lie for a few days. The likelihood is that they’ll all be friends again the next day while you’re in the throes of anxiety about it.

Uninviting is the nuclear option. Sure you can do it, but the fallout will be enormous!!

It's really shocking that you are proposing uninviting someone to a party. That's actually appalling, and you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. It's 'uninvite from'.

No.

Very unkind to the other child.

It will negatively affect your relationship with their parents.

And it is teaching your daughter poor skills with regards to resilience and basic social courtesy, as well as potentially teaching her to weaponise all potential social gatherings.

It would have been better in that situation for you to wait for them with and then help them resolve the problem rather than taking her away without speaking to them and dealing with it in the moment. All friendship problems should be handled in the moment they happen imo.

All I'll say is I'd have hated if my parents still let the kid come to my party tbh.

If someone was a wanker to me, as an adult, I wouldn't want them at my party.

I think it's good to show your child how to set boundaries and to respect themselves. So many people put up with all sorts of shut from others because they were never taught that.

I'd maybe have a talk with the parent of the child and see if you can sort something out.

Is the party before school goes back?
If it is, then there will be no opportunity to see if the friendship rights itself prior to the party.
I think uninviting the child would be problematic, but on the other hand you need to keep your child safe at the party.

Do you know her parents? would they respond well or badly to a phonecall to let them know what has happened? If they're decent people, letting them know that their DD has upset yours by this behaviour might be enough - they might pull her out of the party anyway.

If, on the other hand, they're arseholes, it's not going to help.

I worry that uninviting her would store up more trouble for your DD at school later - but would also not want to have her at the party, so I'd have to try talking to her parents to see what that might achieve.