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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and TV intensely irritating

38 replies

EstuaryBird · 26/12/2019 13:53

I think IABU but I just need to vent…

DH and I usually sit in different rooms and each watch whatever we want on TV or, in my case, not have it on at all…he can’t bear silence and it has to be on all the while he’s awake. The heating is another thing – he likes to be hot and I like to be cold, so heating blasting out in ‘his’ room and not even on in ‘mine’.

Anyway on 23rd Dec ‘my’ TV stopped working. Instead of doing the sensible thing and going out and getting a new one he brought ‘his’ TV into ‘my’ room (I know how ridiculous this sounds!). I’ve just pointed out a TV in the sales for £199 and he’s told me we only need one TV…..we’re not broke and can easily afford it so I don’t know why he thinks this.

I’ve spent Christmas mostly watching him flick through Channels or watching shouty American crap where people running around screaming counts as humour. I only usually have the TV on for a couple of hours a day and I’m finding it hard to deal with the constant noise of it, he has slight hearing loss so doesn’t realise how loud it is but if we turn it down he can’t hear it! Also him being in my room is preventing me doing my hobby or sorting out my volunteering stuff for next year which is stressing me out.

Right now I’m in the bath and he’s sitting down there with an outdoor coat on watching Charlie Chaplin (which is why I’m in the bath..). If he opened his Christmas present he’d find a nice warm dressing gown but he rarely opens presents or cards when he receives them, he had a present from his sister that he didn’t open for four years!

From his point of view he’s bought the TV into my room so I have a TV and he’s dressed warm so I don’t have to put the radiator on and we’re sitting together. From my point of view he’s right but it’s not fun having somebody sitting around in their outdoor clothes flipping channels or watching things I don’t like….I wanted to watch one film last night but he announced that he’d watched it 2 days ago so I went to bed – he says that I can watch what I want but it’s not working like that…

I feel so mean but I know I’m going to lose it with him soon and desperately want to get things back to ‘normal’.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 26/12/2019 13:56

Is there anything stopping you buying another TV?

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2019 13:56

Buy a other tv! If you can afford it it’s not got him to veto it. Just buy one now, it’ll be here tomorrow.

ToLiveInPeace · 26/12/2019 13:59

This sounds a fairly miserable set-up even with two TVs but yes, just go online and order one...

redcarbluecar · 26/12/2019 14:07

Would drive me mad to share a room with someone flipping TV channels. Why did he need to move the TV into ‘your’ room? Could you go and do your hobby in ‘his’ room if you’re not that bothered about TV? I hope you find a solution anyway. The bit about the dressing gown and not opening a present for 4 years amused me Smile

KurriKurri · 26/12/2019 14:07

Tell him to take his Tv back into his room - it seems odd that he moved it, Surely if you wanted to watch TV you could go into his room - why has he moved at all. Sounds like you aren;t especially bothered about watching TV so he needs to let you get on with what you want to do.
I also have hearing loss - and yes it does mean I have the TV on louder than others find comfortable when I watch. But I alos find thta having the TV on continuously makes it much harder for me to hear anythign above the noise - it is like background interference - so I don;t put it on unless I specifically want to see something.

As for not opening his presents - that is very bad manners - I would point out to him that peoiple have gont to the troub;e of looking for and buying something they think he would like, so he needs to open it, thank them and appreciate the gift. So rude to just leave something unopened.
I'm feeling irritated by him and I don't even know him ! Grin

bridgetreilly · 26/12/2019 14:09

I don't really understand why he didn't keep his TV in 'his' room, leaving you to carry on as normal in 'your' room, either with TV on a laptop, or a radio, or you going to buy a new TV for yourself. Why does he have to be the one to sort that out?

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2019 14:10

So go and buy another TV and don’t buy a crappy cheap one either.

Arnoldthecat · 26/12/2019 14:10

New TV and new partner..?

just5morepeas · 26/12/2019 14:27

By a new tv and tell him it was a massive bargin in boxing day/Jan sales.

PositiveVibez · 26/12/2019 14:31

If he opened his Christmas present he’d find a nice warm dressing gown but he rarely opens presents or cards when he receives them, he had a present from his sister that he didn’t open for four years!

Erm. Why? That's rather odd.

Lol @ 'outdoor clothes'

Ragwort · 26/12/2019 14:32

Just get yourself a new tv.

I don’t really like watching tv with anyone else, it’s hard to find something you both like and I can’t bear it if anyone talks over the programme or flicks between channels. I know that makes me very unsociable but if I choose to watch something I like to concentrate rather than just having something on in the background.

I love the image of a family happily sitting round watching tv together but in reality it never happens in my house.

DukeChatsworth · 26/12/2019 14:36

Go out.
Buy TV.
Move him back to his room.
Problem solved.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2019 14:39

Anyway on 23rd Dec ‘my’ TV stopped working. Instead of doing the sensible thing and going out and getting a new one he brought ‘his’ TV into ‘my’ room

So why didn't you do the sensible thing? Confused

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2019 14:43

Go into your room, pick up the TV and put it back in his room.

Sorted.

Okbutno · 26/12/2019 14:47

Does he have other strange behaviours? Not opening presents for years is bizzar. It might work for you but the whole seperate rooms thing doesn't strike me that you are spending much time together. How's the relationship otherwise?

StickyProblem · 26/12/2019 14:49

I think he wants you to sit together and has taken this opportunity. I agree with the above poster, it sounds a bit grim that you never (or rarely) sit together.
But it's not going to work without some compromise on the TV. By wearing his coat he's compromised by sitting in your heat settings!
Could you find a film coming on in future and agree to watch it together? Get your own TV sorted of course, and don't let him flip channels constantly (we call it bipping in my house, we say "No bipping" after 5 minutes or so, it's incredibly annoying when someone else is doing it).

CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2019 14:54

Does he maybe want to be close to you which is why he's coming through to your room? Would he compromise about the TV ie only on for x number of hours and a show you both agree on?

PetCheetah · 26/12/2019 15:00

I also think he's seeing this as a good opportunity for you to spend more time with you and is trying to compromise regarding the heat. Why don't you get the new TV but suggest you'll sit together at certain times or certain days or even think of something you could do together that doesn't involve TV. I'm guessing he doesn't want you to get a new TV because he wants you to sit together.

Dipsydoodle · 26/12/2019 15:01

Just buy the TV? You don't need his approval or permission to buy something for yourself, surely?

pigsDOfly · 26/12/2019 15:02

God, that would drive me mad.

I also hate shouty American rubbish and never put the tv on until the evening as I can't stand noise all day long. And as for the flicking of the channels, I'd be flicking him across the head for doing that.

Agree with pps, put his tv back in his room and go out and get another one for your room.

I live on my own. I watch tv in the comfort of my, appropriately heated, living room and no one has any input into what I watch or when I watch it; bliss.

And as for having the tv up high, tell him to go to somewhere like specsavers, get a hearing test and get a hearing aid.

JKScot4 · 26/12/2019 15:04

Are you incapable of going out and buying a TV? It’s yours that broke.
Not opening a gift for 4 years? I hope she didn’t buy him more 🙄🙄

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/12/2019 15:05

he has slight hearing loss so doesn’t realise how loud it is but if we turn it down he can’t hear it!

This is what subtitles are for.

I'd move your tele into his room, and pop out to buy myself a nice new tele Wink

Tighnabruaich · 26/12/2019 15:08

What everyone else said - get your own tv and move his back.

I recently got hearing aids and realised my tv was up way too high, so now that I can hear properly I turned it down and now OH is saying he can't hear what people are saying - but he doesn't need hearing aids!

Can you just open the dressing gown parcel and give it to him. Sitting in his coat is ridiculous.

DM1209 · 26/12/2019 15:10

People literally have no tolerance for one another, not even their 'loved' ones. We've become a VERY selfish society.

I understand wanting to have some space and I understand different people have different sensory needs. But really, this is extreme unless there's a medical reason behind it.

Fairylea · 26/12/2019 15:12

Don’t you ever spend time together? All seems very separate. Dh watches stuff I don’t always like and right now he’s playing PlayStation 4 with our son and to be fair the noise is annoying but I’d much rather we all sit together. We watch stuff together in the evenings.

I had an ex dh who had his own “man room” and we never sat together at all. Just separate lives really. It was miserable. Another sign of our marriage being on the rocks.