DH and TV intensely irritating

[EstuaryBird]

I think IABU but I just need to vent…

DH and I usually sit in different rooms and each watch whatever we want on TV or, in my case, not have it on at all…he can’t bear silence and it has to be on all the while he’s awake. The heating is another thing – he likes to be hot and I like to be cold, so heating blasting out in ‘his’ room and not even on in ‘mine’.

Anyway on 23rd Dec ‘my’ TV stopped working. Instead of doing the sensible thing and going out and getting a new one he brought ‘his’ TV into ‘my’ room (I know how ridiculous this sounds!). I’ve just pointed out a TV in the sales for £199 and he’s told me we only need one TV…..we’re not broke and can easily afford it so I don’t know why he thinks this.

I’ve spent Christmas mostly watching him flick through Channels or watching shouty American crap where people running around screaming counts as humour. I only usually have the TV on for a couple of hours a day and I’m finding it hard to deal with the constant noise of it, he has slight hearing loss so doesn’t realise how loud it is but if we turn it down he can’t hear it! Also him being in my room is preventing me doing my hobby or sorting out my volunteering stuff for next year which is stressing me out.

Right now I’m in the bath and he’s sitting down there with an outdoor coat on watching Charlie Chaplin (which is why I’m in the bath..). If he opened his Christmas present he’d find a nice warm dressing gown but he rarely opens presents or cards when he receives them, he had a present from his sister that he didn’t open for four years!

From his point of view he’s bought the TV into my room so I have a TV and he’s dressed warm so I don’t have to put the radiator on and we’re sitting together. From my point of view he’s right but it’s not fun having somebody sitting around in their outdoor clothes flipping channels or watching things I don’t like….I wanted to watch one film last night but he announced that he’d watched it 2 days ago so I went to bed – he says that I can watch what I want but it’s not working like that…

I feel so mean but I know I’m going to lose it with him soon and desperately want to get things back to ‘normal’.

AIBU?

Just go and get a tv

Another one wondering why you aren't able to just order a TV - is it his money in his account and you must ask for it nicely if you want something?

Another one wondering why you didn't / haven't told him / done it yourself - to take his telly back to his space

Another one wondering if you actually like each other...

Just order the TV ?

Get a TV or use a computer? Currently my son is playing xbox on our TV, I am using a computer to use MN, and DH is in the kitchen watching a football match on his laptop. I can't really see why you'd need two TVs but if you do, just buy one.

My mum and dad have seperate tvs and bedrooms. There marriage is wonderful. Nothing wrong with a bit of personal space. I hate the TV being on in the day. Most of the evenings too coming to think of it. Why did he bring his in your room?

Just buy yourself a TV.... I don’t see the problem?

Is there something wrong with your fingers? Can make a forum post but can't order a TV online?

It sounds like he's trying hard to spend time with you. Especially if he's not complaining about wearing his coat or moving the tv to make it happen. Could you not get a new tv and say something like oh we could watch a movie together in your room on Tuesdays (or similar). There's nothing wrong with having your own space. But there's something a bit sad when you love with your loved ones and feel lonely. But I might have the wrong end of the stick just from reading a snapshot of your life.

Maybe he misses you

I have to say this sounds utterly grim to me and I would not want to live with someone who insisted on TV as wallpaper.

This was a major factor in my divorcing my husband.

But aside from the fact that you sound hugely incompatible, yes you should buy your own TV.

Sorry not responded but I went out for a drive because I needed to calm down a bit!

Our relationship is actually mostly good..we just got married in October after being together 28 years! Although we spend a lot of time in separate rooms in Winter we spend a lot of time in the garden together in Summer and go for walks, to the pub, etc. We sleep in the same bed It’s just really that his Winter environment of heat and loudness is one that I can’t tolerate, along with his channel hopping!

The not opening presents thing is something that he’s always done and is weird and, I agree, unintentionally rude. He is a person that has a few very odd ideas about life but he did have a difficult childhood so I can see the origins of some of them.

Anyway, emboldened by your comments I have ordered a very good value TV which really is in the sales so I hope that I will be back to ‘normal’ tomorrow.

But I will try and spend a bit more time with him

Ah bless him. He's trying to be closer to you. Make more of an effort.