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“I didn’t think we were buying for each other”

58 replies

Sazquatch · 26/12/2019 11:32

Anyone else get this from their ‘D’H this year?

I feel so flat, so sad, so unvalued. It’s not even the gift, it’s the sentiment. He didn’t even think to get a token gift from the kids, or give them money to buy me something.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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Ragwort · 26/12/2019 14:12

I agree that it sounds total miscommunication, if you said ‘we agreed not to spend much’ and yet were prepared to spend £100 & ended up spending £160 - that sounds a huge amount to me Shock.

My DH & I agree not to buy for each other - and we don’t. But we both know that, I have actually got him a large bar of dairy milk (£3) Grin.

But I guess the difference is neither of us want anything, and if we did we would buy it from our joint account (funds permitting). And my DH is just as on board as I am with our Christmas plans and preparations.

user485479 · 26/12/2019 14:21

Hi OP, I really do not think you are being childish. Reading your updates it seems as if your DH is distancing himself from the family this year and now you see that he is also distancing himself from you.

This. It does sound like he has checked out.

NumbersStation · 26/12/2019 14:24

A lot of moons ago, my now ex and I had a clear conversation. Christmas was to be a £20 limit.

I stuck to it. He didn’t. Presented me with some lovely but hugely expensive items at his mum’s house in front of his entire family. They were all thinking I’d bought him something expensive too. I hadn’t.

The looks and comments when I handed over his very inexpensive but carefully sourced gift were awful and I had this and ‘funny’ asides until we left on the 28th.

I was truly embarrassed and hurt. He couldn’t see the harm.

I can’t to this day wear the necklace and bracelet he bought. They don’t have happy memories for me.

That said, you said you wouldn’t spend loads but he spent nowt. That wasn’t acceptable.

DillyDilly · 26/12/2019 14:29

If you give your children pocket money, I’d explain throughout year they need to save some to buy you and their Dad a small present at Christmas & birthday. Gifting is about giving as well as receiving.

If they are too young to go shopping by themselves, coming up to the time, remind your DH that he needs to bring them shopping.

Spell it out.

Explain that you expect a present for each occasion. There’s far too much of Christmas/birthdays are for children only. Gifts, no matter the amount spent, high end or low end, are a nice expression of good will, thoughtfulness and appreciation.

I know some people say they don’t need a gift to feel loved or valued and of course that’s true to an extent but after working hard to make Christmas or indeed any event fun for others, there needs to be some gesture of appreciation.

There are far too many women spending far too much in gifts for their partner/buying expensive gifts on behalf of children for their Dad and get nothing in return and yet, keep buying year after year. After even incident if me receiving nothing in return, I’d stop giving.

AngelsSins · 26/12/2019 14:40

Miscommunication my arse! Does a miscommunication also excuse him from not buying anything for his children, knowing that gifts need wrapping, dinner needs cooking or doing any prep? He’s a lazy, selfish pig, and it’s not childish to expect the man who is meant to love you to show respect, kindness and consideration to you.

I’d honestly take his gift back.

TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 26/12/2019 15:18

Why do you think you’re being childish? Why are we so conditioned to think that running around and making sure everyone else has a perfect Christmas but neglect ourselves and then think that being upset about the crumbs we’re offered is silly? It just shows how little some of us mean to the people we love, and it sad. It’s sad not to be thought of and appreciated. I would be taking his present back.

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2019 17:42

We had discussed it and agreed we wouldn’t be spending loads, so in my head I had a figure of maybe £100. I spent £160 on him on something I knew he really, really wanted

£100-£160 is loads in my humble! Crown Shock

But whilst you and your husband may have different idea on what constitutes “loads”, on NO-ONE’S estimation does “not loads” = diddley squat.

NumbersStation · 26/12/2019 17:57

Exactly @butchy

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