Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas time with bigots (a PIL thread)

43 replies

ZazuMoon · 26/12/2019 09:45

Apologies for the length of this. PIL came over to our house for Christmas. We have an unwell 4 month old who wakes every 2 hours round the clock who we did not want to disrupt. He has woken like this or more frequently since birth so I am tired.
DH did the cooking yesterday. I looked after DS. PIL did nothing, just played on their phones, DH even made their hot drinks for them although they had been told to help themselves. They were asked to contribute food to help and brought a Christmas pudding. Which neither me nor DH likes so they ate it all.
At the table for lunch MIL asks out of the blue about whether my (abusive) parents have been in touch, despite the fact that I have been NC with them for years. When I replied that yes, one had, according to her he “only wanted to wish me a happy Christmas.”
Then they ranted about how homelessness is all the homeless people’s fault and it makes them want to move.
Then I shouldn’t bother anyone with getting my wrist injury looked at again, although I’ve had it for 12 weeks and it makes caring for DS difficult day-to-day.
Then refusing to congratulate me on my promotion which means I can also back to work part time when the time comes.
MIL lying about whether she was ill as I didn’t want DS catching another cold when he is already ill and coughing and blowing her nose all day, then blaming “cold air” when challenged on it.
Deliberately buying DS something I asked them not to buy (racist undertones/age inappropriate).
I just had such a joyless day with them, yet we are expected to go to their house today with wider family.
AIBU not to go?

OP posts:
Twisique · 26/12/2019 10:03

Don't go!

HotSauceCommittee · 26/12/2019 10:06

You’ve caught MIL’s cold and cannot go today as you feel unwell Xmas Wink

Bluerussian · 26/12/2019 10:08

Don't go. Your baby is ill, that's a good excuse. However the parents in law need to be told how unreasonable their behaviour and talk is. Your husband should do that or else you tackle it together. I'm wondering how old they are, playing on phones - all day - seems odd for grandparents.

(Dying to know what they gave your son which had racist overtones and was age inappropriate! Does mother in law come on Mumsnet? Might not be a bad idea if she does and reads this. People are so often blind to their faults, cannot see themselves as others do. I suppose we are all guilty of that at times.)

KC225 · 26/12/2019 10:14

Sorry that you had a bad day - it does sound a tad joyless but come on, some of it could have been prevented. IF you wanted them to contribute to food then you should have given them a list of specific items. Why tell them to help themselves with drinks and then run around making it for them? As for them playing on their phones, you were looking after the baby and your DH was cooking. And seriously, who is selling 'racist' toys for 4 month olds.

It sounds as if everything they said, did or didn't say irrittated 'REFUSED to congratulate me on my promotion' Did they really refuse OP, or perhaps they were quiet thinking you look tired, you have a wrist injury and were wondering how that would all together.

Sleep deprivation is horrible and clearly you don't like them. Stay at home, you are a tired mummy with a tired baby - let your DH go alone.

Original poster
ZazuMoon · 26/12/2019 10:16

@Bluerussian they are late 60s but spend a lot of time on phones/tablets/in front of TV. Only read from Kindles and so on.

Think football related for the gift.

You are absolutely right in that they do not see themselves for how they really are at all; do not see how small minded and mean they are becoming. It’s becoming worse as they age.

OP posts:
koshkat · 26/12/2019 10:19

What was the racist football present? Intrigued...

Original poster
ZazuMoon · 26/12/2019 10:21

@KC225 they did have a list but decided they didn’t want to bring the veg.

I told them to help themselves but they didn’t. DH eventually made the drinks for them.

They don’t think I should be going back to work at all so even when I was pleased to be able to go back part time but with more responsibility they talked over me about something else.

You are right in that I’m not sure how much of this is magnified by the prism of sleep deprivation.

OP posts:
Blahblahblah12345 · 26/12/2019 10:22

I'm confused what the gift is?

But if you dont want to go today then dont go.

Original poster
ZazuMoon · 26/12/2019 10:25

@koshkat the mascot of a football club that is intrinsically racist. They said last time we saw them that they wanted to buy him it and I asked them not to. Not age appropriate as loose fur that went all round the baby’s mouth.

OP posts:
Minky35 · 26/12/2019 10:26

Make an excuse and don’t go.

TitianaTitsling · 26/12/2019 10:27

What's so bad with reading from a kindle? It's not my choice as l love the feel of a physical book, however for people with little storage for them, or who want to increase the font size it's excellent!

scarecrowhead · 26/12/2019 10:31

Which football club has a racist mascot ???

koshkat · 26/12/2019 10:33

Which football club has a racist mascot ???

THIS!

Dozer · 26/12/2019 10:38

YANBU on most of it, although you and DH could have been more assertive on asking them to bring specific things and not waiting on them, but IMO it would have been U to ban the ILs due to one of them having a common cold/cough. Passive/aggressive to challenge MiL on that one.

BilboBercow · 26/12/2019 10:39

Do you mean that the football club is intrinsically racist? Because I'm not sure that's a thing. Many clubs have problems with sections of racism in their fans but the most high profile ones have taken massive steps to tackle this

Original poster
ZazuMoon · 26/12/2019 10:43

Nothing wrong with Kindles- it was to illustrate that they are comfortable with screens in response to a previous poster.

The club is well documented for being racist. I didn’t want the emblem of that in the house.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 26/12/2019 10:46

Which club is it?

scarecrowhead · 26/12/2019 10:46

Is it the aliens from Man City ?Grin

CloseEncountersOfTheTerfKind · 26/12/2019 10:47

Do you mean anti Semitic rather than racist?

Original poster
ZazuMoon · 26/12/2019 10:49

Thanks for all of the responses. I think the mascot issue has side-tracked the thread. 😁

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 26/12/2019 10:50

Can't figure out what you mean re the present but they don't sound like very nice people so I'm not surprised you don't like them. Some of it does sound like you're looking for reasons to be annoyed with them but it doesn't seem difficult to find those reasons.

I would probably go to the gathering if you can. The wider family will likely dilute them anyway.

BilboBercow · 26/12/2019 10:51

I think you're being hysterical over the football club and that it probably comes from a place of ignorance on your part

Dozer · 26/12/2019 10:54

Don’t understand the football club thing, but most of the other examples of their behaviour are not about bigotry, just things you dislike. Sounds like you don’t like them - fair enough !

IM0GEN · 26/12/2019 10:56

I think you're being hysterical over the football club and that it probably comes from a place of ignorance on your part

I think that parents get to decide what their baby wears.

And a woman with any opinion that’s different from a man’s isn’t automatically “ hysterical “ .

Don’t go there Op, as you have a tiny baby that doenst sleep and you now have a cold. Next year, arrange a different Christmas for you and your child.

Icecreamsoda99 · 26/12/2019 10:58

The club is well documented for being racist. I didn’t want the emblem of that in the house.

loose fur that went all round the baby’s mouth.

I'm guessing it it the Millwall Lion?

I think YABU about the mascot but not the rest, I'd be ill today like others have suggested.

Swipe left for the next trending thread