Christmas time with bigots (a PIL thread)

[ZazuMoon]

Apologies for the length of this. PIL came over to our house for Christmas. We have an unwell 4 month old who wakes every 2 hours round the clock who we did not want to disrupt. He has woken like this or more frequently since birth so I am tired.
DH did the cooking yesterday. I looked after DS. PIL did nothing, just played on their phones, DH even made their hot drinks for them although they had been told to help themselves. They were asked to contribute food to help and brought a Christmas pudding. Which neither me nor DH likes so they ate it all.
At the table for lunch MIL asks out of the blue about whether my (abusive) parents have been in touch, despite the fact that I have been NC with them for years. When I replied that yes, one had, according to her he “only wanted to wish me a happy Christmas.”
Then they ranted about how homelessness is all the homeless people’s fault and it makes them want to move.
Then I shouldn’t bother anyone with getting my wrist injury looked at again, although I’ve had it for 12 weeks and it makes caring for DS difficult day-to-day.
Then refusing to congratulate me on my promotion which means I can also back to work part time when the time comes.
MIL lying about whether she was ill as I didn’t want DS catching another cold when he is already ill and coughing and blowing her nose all day, then blaming “cold air” when challenged on it.
Deliberately buying DS something I asked them not to buy (racist undertones/age inappropriate).
I just had such a joyless day with them, yet we are expected to go to their house today with wider family.
AIBU not to go?

Stay home if you want to, you don't need to justify it on these grounds, poorly baby, lack of sleep is enough.

Look you got problems, we get that but what is the team....
Is it hartlepool and angus ?
A millwall lion?

imogen I'm not a man if that's what you mean. Nor am I a supporter of millwall/Chelsea/insert Apparently racist football club here. In fact the club which has had the most arrests in terms of fan for racist incidents is Manchester United.

Just asked DH about the football team. He doesn't know either, so it can't be that well known.

I think the worst thing you've described is the glossing over of the abuse you suffered as a child - saying your abusive father "only wanted to wish you a happy Christmas".

That is really not acceptable, as presumably your MIL knows you're NC (and why) and has chosen to minimise this.

and for you OP.

Sick baby and tired is more than enough reason not to go. I definitely wouldn’t be going nor expect a mum to bring a sick baby to a gathering because it’s a holiday.

Send them a passive aggressive message saying you can’t come as you have a cold and can’t imagine how you caught it as you’ve been very careful. Maybe tweet a picture of Golly the Goalie in the post-Christmas charity bag for good measure.

The only thing I think you’re being unreasonable about is the Christmas pudding. It’s hardly an unusual thing to bring to Christmas dinner and it sounds like you didn’t have one, even though they clearly both like it. I love Christmas pudding, but my mother and sister hate it, so if I was hosting I’d make sure I had an alternative.

Thank you everyone. Yes, I am focusing perhaps on details that I would normally let pass because I am exhausted. Thanks for the perspective.

Thank you @TheMustressMhor. That was the part that most upset me.

@StillCoughingandLaughing 😂.

I think my response to the present is distorted by other racist comments they have made about DS’s nose so I am perhaps reading too much into it.
They also complained that a toy I bought him was for girls and made a homophobic comment. That was where my thread title was supposed to come from but I got side tracked 🤦🏼‍♀️

Looks like next christmas will be a pil free time?

Why bother to keep in contact with such people.

Why won’t you say the football team?

London club ?

the mascot of a football club that is intrinsically racist. What a load of old rubbish

PP have fixated on the football mascot and missed the part where the OP says that her MIL told her that her (abusive) father, with whom she is NC (and the MIL knows this) was "only trying to wish OP a happy Christmas."

That is really shit. That, in and of itself, is enough to make Christmas with these particular ILs a terrible nightmare.

where the OP says that her MIL told her that her (abusive) father, with whom she is NC (and the MIL knows this) was "only trying to wish OP a happy Christmas." All the same cliches as usual

Have time to yourself today it's really hurtful them bringing up your parents in your safe space. Have Christmas to yourself next year and takes steps to minimise contact from the toxic PILs.

You married your OH not his family. If they are minimising you, not listening to your wishes for your child (racist football toy) and generally leaving you emotionally exhausted...then why exactly should you make an effort?

The Redskins?

This is why I no longer invite mine.