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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hiding wine from the kids.

34 replies

StoppinBy · 26/12/2019 04:34

A bit of history..... for years I have put up with my judgmental FIL who probably thinks I am the shittiest parent in the world, he is a non drinker and thinks drinkers are also pretty shit and irresponsible people (I didn't realise my husband felt this way too until this morning).

My husband has been telling me for days I need to open my present away from the kids so they don't see it.... my first thought was that it was something from the adult shop which would have sucked in itself but it was actually a bottle of Brown Brothers Moscato, wrapped in a towel rather than in wrapping paper (apparently so I wouldn't recognise the shape). To make it worse this was my only present he got me not including chocolates from the kids.

I rarely drink, can't remember the last time I bought myself a bottle of wine and the bottle of midoori that I have in the cupboard is over 6 months old and over 2/3 full still. My kids (6 and 2) have occasionally seen me have a drink but never drunk (in fact I have been drunk once in the last 3/4 years). A bottle would last me days and I often tip half of it out as it spoils before I drink it.

I feel really hurt and like my husband is judging my drinking in front of the kids as bad parenting, he doesn't understand why I was upset and said he did it because he hopes that our kids will never drink when they are adults so didn't want to show them him giving me the wine.

Am I being way to sensitive or was he out of line to do what he did?

OP posts:
GeePipe · 26/12/2019 04:44

Thats so so strange op. Do you have any idea why he would suddenly start acring like this? Has he spoken to his dad a lot lately?

Mumdiva99 · 26/12/2019 04:44

I think it odd that someone so against alcohol would buy you a random bottle of wine as a gift. (was he given it at work and is regifting it?)

I think he and his dad have a very odd reaction to drinking - is there some history of alcohol abuse in the family that has created that strong a reaction?

Just odd all around. I would be miffed that my OH didn't buy me a better gift!

Amys136 · 26/12/2019 04:51

That’s so weird. Might be worth mentioning that studies showed children of heavy drinkers and tee totalers are the biggest drinkers as teens because they aren’t exposed to health attitudes to alcohol

nakedavengeragain · 26/12/2019 05:02

Good grief. Brown Brothers Moscato is low alcohol too! 5%! I get a bottle in to drink on the beach!

PaquitaVariation · 26/12/2019 05:03

It sounds like they might have some family history involving alcohol abuse. However to then give you alcohol as a gift is very odd. How has this never come up as an issue before now?

nakedavengeragain · 26/12/2019 05:04

So he's basically bought you the lowest alcohol wine possible and one of the cheapest too ($12 here in NZ so £6). What a nasty passive aggressive gift.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2019 05:27

I’d never heard of it. Your husband is weird. Your fil is weird. I would be extremely disappointed with his entire attitude. He’s given you a shit gift whilst simultaneously judging you for needing to be the recipient of such an unwholesome gift. Perhaps you should try giving it back to him and say you don’t want it. Let his deal with the “nuclear bomb” so to speak.

Yeahnah2020 · 26/12/2019 05:42

Pathetic gift and very odd behaviour regarding alcohol. I’d say a couple of counseling sessions are in order to see what prompts this off behaviour.

Starlight456 · 26/12/2019 05:45

Does your dh not drink?

Apolloanddaphne · 26/12/2019 05:47

Very odd all together.

kateandme · 26/12/2019 05:48

i have known and fully understand if thir has been abuse in the family then they wont let it in the house.the trauma alcholism can bring to a family i could understand this never being wanted near them again.
but unless it that then its not ok.
and the kids will hanker for it so much more and studies haev shown them to be more likely to drink more!
im not a drinker but i would never judge anyone else who likes a bit of a drink as long as its sensible.

Santasleftboot · 26/12/2019 05:55

Sorry but you both sound bonkers.

I gave my DH 7 bottles of wine for Christmas and we're enjoying all of them.

If you don#t want the wine - give it to someone else. If your husband doesn't want you to drink - why is he giving you it [wrapped in a towel] Confused

Hmmmwhatsthat · 26/12/2019 06:04

What does he normally give you, has this come out of the blue? Like, other years have you had nice perfume, concert tickets etc? Or has he form for being a cheapskate and a judgey one at that? I'd be asking him to explain himself and telling him that that's a shitty present myself. Even if you'd both agreed a budget of whatever the wine cost he could have done so so much better! But yes I'd be thinking that he's regifted you something he got in work.

Sorry he's been so mean OP. Here's some flowers Flowers

CluelessNewMama · 26/12/2019 06:10

I somewhat share his attitude to alcohol, I’ve grown up around alcohol abuse and can’t stand to be around anyone who is drunk now. But I still have an occasional glass of wine and understand that many people have a completely healthy attitude to drinking. It’s weird for him to get you a bottle of wine if he thinks it’s so shameful that you have to open it away from the children. I guess he just doesn’t want to normalise it for them, but people drink, he can’t hide that fact from them forever.

just5morepeas · 26/12/2019 06:11

Seeing your mum/dad having a sensible relationship with alcohol is far more likely to mean that you do the same imo.

Original poster
StoppinBy · 26/12/2019 06:11

No history of alcohol abuse, his Dad is just an opinionated arse who likes to make rude comments about various groups of people he doesn't understand or who share interests that are not things he is interested in.

He actually thought it would be a good gift as I am going away for a few days after Christmas and he thought I could take it with him.

I actually did give it back to him and told him that I didn't want it, I wouldn't enjoy it (it is the wine that I would normally buy for myself) as I would just be reminded of how I was given it.

The towel wrapping wasn't that unusual as he can be quite lazy when it comes to wrapping presents (used to hand them over just in the bag they came in etc. ).

We have been together 12 years, married 10, no he doesn't comment usually when I have a glass of wine etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
StoppinBy · 26/12/2019 06:15

@CluelessNewMama I said that to him, if he didn't want to give it to me in a nice way and felt that he should hide the fact he was giving it to me then he just shouldn't have got it at all.

He usually struggles to come up with an idea but means well.

OP posts:
PaquitaVariation · 26/12/2019 06:16

I can see how he thought it might be a thoughtful gift then, if it’s what you usually drink and you’re going away and might want a bottle of something to take. However I still don’t understand his need to hide it from the dc, especially if it’s not been an issue before now. Very odd.

CherryPavlova · 26/12/2019 06:51

That sounds incredibly stingy and quite odd. Your Christmas present is under £10 and you have to hide it away?
If he disapproves of drinking why would he buy you alcohol- albeit cheap alcohol- at all.
I assume it was an ordinary family towel not a nice new White Company bath sheet held together with a gold necklace.

I think I’d be taking myself shopping today and then enjoying a glass of wine or two with my supper. He could drink water with the children. He sounds entirely joyless.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/12/2019 07:45

What did you get him? Unless you’re skint or have agreed a tiny budget, that sounds like a rubbish gift.

Original poster
StoppinBy · 26/12/2019 08:03

@Testing he is working on a project at the moment so I made a little 'treasure hunt' with clues that he could do with the kids for fun and along the way I hid $150.00 in total with small amounts in a few funny places.

We buy each others presents from our individual 'spending accounts' (we each get a small bit of spending money plus half of the tax return money each into these accounts) so he clearly wasn't feeling very generous this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
StoppinBy · 26/12/2019 08:04

@CherryPavlova - yep ordinary bath towel he grabbed from the cupboard - no gold lol

OP posts:
eurochick · 26/12/2019 08:49

This is very odd. The whole thing is baffling.

Equanimitas · 26/12/2019 08:52

You need a conversation with your husband about alcohol. If one thing is certain, expecting your children to become non-drinkers simply because they don't see alcohol at home is never going to work - if anything, the reverse, because it'll acquire the charm of forbidden fruit.

MiniEggAddiction · 26/12/2019 08:54

YANBU if he's so appalled by alcohol why on earth did he give you some anyway when it sounds like you don't drink much.

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