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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with gift from DH or grateful to get one?

46 replies

recycledbottle · 25/12/2019 07:20

I should start by saying DH and I are going through a rough patch and so I'm probably super sensitive. I got DH one present but it is something he wanted. I looked around a while for it and paid for it out of my current acciunt. DH went out shopping yesterday evening for my presents. He got gloves, which are lovely. I used to read a magazine years ago and last year he got me a six month subscription. I thanked him but during the year he noticed I hadn't read some. I told him it was a lovely idea but I don't read that mag anymore and haven't really in ten years, thanks though for the thought. This year he got me a year subscription of the same magazine. I had also asked for a makeup mirror and he got me a jewellery box despite the fact I have no jewellery. He also put everything on our joint cc rather than from his own account. I pay off the joint cc from my wage. Because I essentially half pay for these, I told him to return the jewellery box and cancel the subscription for the mag. I wasn't kind about it either but said quietly that I wasnt interested in paying for a magazine that I don't read or for a jewellery box when I have no jewellery. Thank you for the gloves but in future use your current account for presents and put some thought into it. Thats what I do and I expect the same in return. Aibu? He thinks I am ungrateful. There are ungoing issues with DH not listening to me at all.

OP posts:
Felicitycity · 25/12/2019 07:24

I would feel 'unlistened to' in your situation. But you could try and be kind about it.......hard though it is.

Finfintytint · 25/12/2019 07:26

Forget the presents. There are bigger issues at play as you say. You do sound ungrateful but you may have reasons to be so.

TreeTopTim · 25/12/2019 07:26

The half arsedness of his gift buying would annoy me. He clearly is not interested.

redcarbluecar · 25/12/2019 07:27

Telling someone immediately that you don’t want their gifts sounds a bit harsh, but can understand your frustration, particularly about the magazine. Sounds like there is more to this- sorry you’re going through a rough patch, and hope it works out in the best way for you.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 25/12/2019 07:42

He doesn't like or care enough about you to listen to you OP. Sorry.

Making sure you pay half for your unwanted gifts puts the tin lid on it all.

CalmdownJanet · 25/12/2019 07:43

I think it's refreshing you were honest and called him out on it, mn is full of people getting shitty unthoughtful presents from their oh, they come here to moan about but couldn't possibly say anything so you just think right see you next year for your next thread. Yanbu

MarianaMoatedGrange · 25/12/2019 07:47

CalmdownJanet I agree. Nothing changes if nothing changes Xmas Grin

FinallyHere · 25/12/2019 07:49

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's just a symptom of something much wider going wrong, isn't it?

Hope you find the right way forward for yourself.

ZenNudist · 25/12/2019 07:50

Thats just mean to expect you to pay for your own gifts. Plus thoughtless choices. I don't think you have to be polite with dh. Aumt Ida or similar yes fake liking something but dh can take it that you didn't like it. Or you can look forward to a lifetime subscription to a magazine you dont read!

HugeAckmansWife · 25/12/2019 07:50

Why should you be kind in this instance? He hasn't tried, hasn't listened to you and used your money to buy stuff you don't want. He hasn't put thought or effort in. The gloves are good, and show he isn't clueless. Just couldn't be bothered.

HugeAckmansWife · 25/12/2019 07:52

But someone will be along in a minute to say at least you got something, at least you have a husband, at least you're all still alive so be grateful 🙄

isabellerossignol · 25/12/2019 07:53

I'm amazed that people have voted that yabu. Paying for your own present, and even worse it's a present that he chose fully in the knowledge that it was something that you wouldn't like? What sort of doormats are people when they expect you to show gratitude for somoene who has been actively unpleasant to you?

churchandstate · 25/12/2019 07:56

I wasn’t thrilled with my present from DH either (picked it myself, no present on behalf of DD) but I tried to be kinder about it than I felt. I think you have a right to be cross but it probably doesn’t help to be quite so blunt about it.

Bluerussian · 25/12/2019 07:56

He obviously doesn't listen or take note, he had 'magazine subscription' in his head but not the reason. I've no idea what he thought about the jewellery box! Unless it's one of those with a mirror on the inside of the lid.

Oh well, you've told him and were correct to do so but please don't let it entirely spoil your Christmas. You obviously have issues which need to be sorted (not today), so very good luck with that.

Flowers
Palaver1 · 25/12/2019 08:00

Hate all this Christmas present stress.
Great you told him how you feel if he had paid from his personal account I think you might have been a little bit more forgiving.
Do try to resolve your other issues if you can.
Life is definitely not a rehearsal.
Merry xmas

Shoxfordian · 25/12/2019 08:03

It sounds like you have other problems but he was thoughtless

Sparklybaublefest · 25/12/2019 08:06

He was thoughtless.
But perhaps not mean intentionally.

WhoTheFuckIsGail · 25/12/2019 08:10

I'd be fuming. Well done on telling on him. There is no point to thoughtless presents that you have to pay for yourself.

Roselilly36 · 25/12/2019 08:13

He has been thoughtless OP, but don’t let it stress you out, it’s just not worth it. Try to relax and enjoy the day.

Original poster
recycledbottle · 25/12/2019 08:33

I'll have to get over it for today as hosting and need to be in chirpy form for others. As others have pointed out we have other issues and this is just a symptom. DH is inconsiderate in general and he thought this was him making an effort.

OP posts:
NewName73 · 25/12/2019 08:40

I think some men are just crap at buying gifts and will always take the easy route.

Hopefully your DH has other qualities that you do like.

Minky35 · 25/12/2019 08:45

He’s took the easy option of getting you presents which took no effort for him to buy. Also buying from joint cc was a bit shitty If you didn’t discuss and agree it in advance. Sorry OP, I think you were justified to point this out to him.

JaceLancs · 25/12/2019 08:48

I would feel same but probably not made a big deal out of it until tomorrow

thickwoollytights · 25/12/2019 08:50

DH is inconsiderate in general and he thought this was him making an effort.

What an extraordinary twat he is

AdriannaP · 25/12/2019 08:51

I would be very annoyed if my presents came out of joint cc. We always use our current accounts for presents (unless for DC )

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