AIBU to not know how to talk to my kids tomorrow about their unfair amount of presents?

[GoneFishingNC]

My DSIS and family are with us for Christmas this year, all good, our families get on really well.

Problem we now have is that DSIS has bought a significantly more presents for her DCs than we have bought for ours. Especially the stockings look massively unequal.

I’m now kicking myself for not checking how many roughly stocking presents DSIS does for her kids, so I could have tried to make then more equal for all the children.

How do we deal with the fall out of this with our DC tomorrow when they inevitably feel upset that their cousins have so many more presents to open than they do?
Anyone been in this same situation and how did you deal with it?

Let them open the stockings separately? Our kids sit on our bed to open them.
Also depends on the age of the kids. Little ones won’t notice and big ones are old enough to know small presents can cost more!

Just a thought... If you have a printer.. Could you make some "vouchers" for some experience days (cinema/swimming/zoo/park etc) as presents. Or is there anything to hand at home you can top their presents up with..even oranges or sweets from chocolate tins etc.

Either all children receive and open stockings in their room or else ask SIL to remove some of the presents from her children’s stockings to equal them out a bit and ask her to give her children their excess presents in their rooms.

How do you do Santa? My DC know that we buy the gifts but we send them to Santa for safekeeping and he brings them back at Christmas, it helps to explain why some children get more than others and why Santa can't bring impossible gifts like real-life unicorns.

That's hard. I feel your pain. Hopefully they may not notice🤞

Could you wrap up some food items that you already have in the house to bulk it up e.g cans of coke etc. Can your SIL take some of the larger stocking items out to give from mum and dad rather than Santa presents? Could you buy and print some actual e vouchers eg as pp said cinema tics etc and put inside a bigger box and wrap?

Sorry meant DSIS not SIL

Oh gosh, I've had this too. My dsis goes massively overboard. My poor dad tried really hard but as soon as we left she burst into tears. We've avoided present opening together since but we will be present tomorrow to see dniece open hers. I've pre-warned my suspected asd dd. She remembers it well! She's promised me she won't let it get to her but I know it will possibly end up setting off a meltdown tomorrow (things are that bad atm)

My sympathies. How old are the DC? My family weren't v supportive when I tried to broach it previously.

Forgot to say, dd doesn't believe in santa anymore (first year ) but I know the 'injustice' will get to her.

Stockings in bedrooms. Either theirs, or each in with their own parents.

But for the rest, it just is what it is. They may not notice, but if they do, you just smile and say it doesn't matter how much you get, so long as you like the things you got. Don't make a big deal of it. Focus the day on the meal and playing games and things.

I never forgot the year we had cousins staying and they had so many more, and more expensive, presents than we did. Can they have stockings in bedrooms so it is less obvious?

I would do it separately, have them open on your bed. Or pop a note saying Santa couldn't carry them all and so will be dropping more off after the cousins go. The excitement of having 2 Christmas mornings will mean they won't compare the amounts and a few small extras (possibly stuff they'd have got anyway) will keep them going.

But also I know my dc get far more than their cousins in numbers. But dsis has a rule that in stockings only fun things and toys go, whereas mine with have 90% of things that they'd get anyway. Underwear/toothbrushes/school equipment-they've even had school uniform in it. Mine are old enough to know now, and I had a conversation with them saying I can choose and wrap up so they look like lots, or they can choose when they need the stuff through the year. they decided they liked it in stockings.
So whereas mine look like they have hugely more, in terms of toys they get far less.
In which case you can explain it as the other child got some things they needed, but mummy/daddy had already bought it.

I don’t know OP but I am potentially facing similar tomorrow... Christmas day at the in laws, DCs have same age cousins and I know BIL and SIL have “2-3 presents” for each of their children but I have no idea what size/value those are. (DH had the conversation 🙄). This year mine have no big presents from us, quite a few little ones instead. So do I bring 2-3 small gifts but risk DC being upset if their cousins get 2-3 massive things, or bring more small gifts but risk looking like I’m trying to outdo BIL and SIL and upsetting the cousins if theirs are actually small.... agh.

I agree to opening stockings separately. How old are the kids? Do they still believe in FC?

Aaaa sorry missed that she doesn't believe. If you don't mind spending more you could gift her a token for a special day out of her choice including meal? If not I would just explain that some kids get more treats through out the year and others get bigger treats on special occasions.

Thanks for all replies.

Our kids are 8 and 5, both believe in FC.

Cousins are older (couple of them are teens) so I’m hoping ours just won’t notice too much and we’ll try to keep the stocking opening separate as pp have suggested.

Depends on ages, but really they should accept the explanation of different families do different ways. Leave it at that and they will forget about it soon enough. Are some of the packages like what a pp stated? School stuff etc? I don't understand that way of doing things, but maybe that's what has been done for the cousins?

Perhaps consider telling your children you asked Santa to bring less this year so other children in need could get more?

Ask you sis to keep some aside to open when they get home.

Can you not just be honest?

"Some people have lots to spend at Xmas and some don't. Your aunty and uncle do have lots to spend and that's why your cousins got more presents than you."

Really can't see why anyone would make a drama out of this? The kids surely won't!

Don’t rustle up more to match them.

You do Christmas your way.

When we’ve been with family at Christmas, the children have always opened presents in bedrooms with parents then everyone meets in the kitchen for breakfast.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation That doesn't really work when the presents are supposed to be from Father Christmas!

Santa leaves more presents every year, so teenagers get bigger stockings.

When you're five, teenagers are almost adults. They'll just accept the suggestion that grownup privilege includes increased Santa generosity, as they do everything else about the world when very small.

By the time they're old enough to realise that's not true, they'll be old enough to be told why you ever said it.

Children should be taught to enjoy, and appreciate,whatever gifts they receive, no matter what others may get. You can actually teach them that good advice.

I think the experience days suggestion is genius all it needs is a pen, paper and some squiggly writing. I think your idea of more presents every year is pretty cool too perfectstorm. I’d be apprehensive to use it if I could avoid it as this could store up future upset.

At 5 and 8 children don’t yet have a concept of how much things cost so I’d consider telling them that Santa only has a certain number of pennies to spend on everyone and a small present can be a lot of pennies. They probably can’t tell a doll will be cheaper than a bed for example. If your n&ns are empathetic, you could perhaps ask them to coo over your dcs lovely presents.