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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not know how to talk to my kids tomorrow about their unfair amount of presents?

38 replies

GoneFishingNC · 24/12/2019 23:19

My DSIS and family are with us for Christmas this year, all good, our families get on really well.

Problem we now have is that DSIS has bought a significantly more presents for her DCs than we have bought for ours. Especially the stockings look massively unequal.

I’m now kicking myself for not checking how many roughly stocking presents DSIS does for her kids, so I could have tried to make then more equal for all the children.

How do we deal with the fall out of this with our DC tomorrow when they inevitably feel upset that their cousins have so many more presents to open than they do?
Anyone been in this same situation and how did you deal with it?

OP posts:
Countryescape · 25/12/2019 03:44

@HoHoHoik huh? So not really Santa then!

Thoughtlessinengland · 25/12/2019 03:53

Posted too soon. So kids are led to believe Santa have the presents which means that there is some unexplained reason why Jamie got more than Sarah. Must be because Jamie is better/nicer/otherwise why on earth? When the truth is Jamie’s parents had more money. So why do Santa in this way? Why not just say Santa brings presents bought by family? Why does one have to create this situation where a kid worries why on earth she has got less from some random meant to be kind bearded dude?

Jossina · 25/12/2019 03:55

If they do notice and complain are you going to go out and get them extra stuff? There does come a time for that talk. Too bad their cousins haven't gotten it.

HappyDinosaur · 25/12/2019 03:57

I think you are overthinking this and worrying yourself. I am sure that when the opening has happened there won't be time to spend comparing amounts etc. I don't think children really do compare as much as we think.

itsmecathycomehome · 25/12/2019 04:39

But santa isn't responsible for all the presents surely?

Don't your dc know that some of their gifts are from granny, Uncle Pete or whoever?

In which case, everyone has their Santa gifts but some people have more gifts from their family because they're richer.

Aridane · 25/12/2019 04:43

Surely not all presents come from Santa?!

Aridane · 25/12/2019 04:44

So just explain they have more money

Torple · 25/12/2019 06:14

We’ve had a similar issue but the other way round.
We are at my brother’s this year. He and SiL are very much of the belief that children should get no more than 4 presents, the whole “something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read” ethos, which is fine, but not how we personally work.

He has boys of 8 and 6’ and a girl of 4, my two are 10 and 6.

My kids generally get a good few presents but more fun stuff then practical because I think that when you’re an adult, you’ll get more practical things then you could ever want.

In order to respect their traditions and not make my kids look like spoiled brats, we have brought with us four presents for each, kind of along the lines above, a toy, a book, a game and some clothes.

The rest are in our neighbours house, she’s putting them under the tree for us before we get back on Friday as a ‘surprise, those are from us Santa came here instead’ kind of thing.

Got to my brothers yesterday, it turns out they have been thinking about the idea that kids are only kids for a short time and dropped their 4 presents rule.
My nephews and niece have a HUGE pile under the tree, my kids have 4, 3 of which are not overly exciting.

So now I think we will tell them Santa went to our house instead and hope it doesn’t confuse them too much.

The lesson is always communicate if you think it might be a problem!

Mine will be lucky as they can spread it out a bit but it was a bit of a surprise.

katewhinesalot · 25/12/2019 06:32

Wrap a couple of handmade, say MacDonalds vouchers.- But crucially put them in big boxes.

katewhinesalot · 25/12/2019 06:33

Too late now though probably.

I'm awake, too excited to sleep - and mine are virtually adults!!!!

PlumsGalore · 25/12/2019 06:46

If your sisters children are teenagers then they should be grown up enough to understand and open some if there’s later or in their room. As teens they probably know what some of them are already because they will have been on a wish list. Suggest they are not put out with the rest.

TheStoreRoom · 27/12/2019 05:53

How did it go op?

NearlyGranny · 27/12/2019 06:18

In a case like this, if the children are all young, I think the children who get substantially more need the explanation as much as or more than those who get less!

In OP's particular case as the ones getting more are teens, they probably understand finances better and were hopefully sensitive about flaunting their superior haul. I do hope so!

We always took the line that FC brought the stocking presents. Otherwise demand can be unrestrained, nobody is thanked for gifts and comparisons with other children can be perplexing.

I hope it went well... 🤞

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