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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Christmas Eve is not the time for the santa talk.

40 replies

Swinesinsleepingbags · 24/12/2019 21:20

My 11 year old (who is immature but no additional needs) still wants to believe in FC. When asked we have always said that Santa is in our hearts and anyone can believe in magic and have never said that Santa is real but equally not said he is not. My mil knows this, she believes in God which as far as I'm concerned is a similar vein to Santa.
Tonight she told my DD that Santa wasn't real, DD has come home and is really upset. She has said that she doubted him but loved writing the letters, doing the mince pie and milk, putting out stockings and now it all seems pointless. I know that she told DH when he was six as thought he should have outgrown such childish thoughts.
Aibu to think she was out of order?

OP posts:
TheFuzzyStar · 24/12/2019 21:21

Definitely out of order. I told my daughter in the summer so he had got her head round it before Christmas

Rose789 · 24/12/2019 21:22

That’s awful your poor dd!

GruciusMalfoy · 24/12/2019 21:22

I'd probably have confirmed it when she started voicing doubts. But it was no one else's place but you or her dad's to tell her this. Your MIL picked the worst time.

Heartofglass12345 · 24/12/2019 21:23

She is out of order! It's not her place to tell your children that anyway! I'd be really annoyed, but tell your daughter that it's up to her if she still believes and wants to do letters and leave out a mince pie she can. Are you meant to be spending Christmas with your MIL? I would find it hard to make nice after this Sad

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 24/12/2019 21:24

Gosh I remember as an adult my mum emailing me and asking me to send her my Christmas list as she 'knew his updated email address'... Xmas Grin

It doesn't matter how old you are to still enjoy the excitement of Christmas. She probs should know it's not real but it doesn't mean she can't still enjoy the charade.

Perhaps she meant well but your MiL was BU I think.

Merry Christmas

JayAlfredPrufrock · 24/12/2019 21:24

Joy sucker.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 24/12/2019 21:25

I would be raging. What a nasty thing to do. It seems like she couldn’t wait to be the one to tell your poor daughter. What has your husband don’t about his mother’s nasty behaviour towards his daughter? He needs to speak to her about this, or is he another man who is afraid of upsetting mummy dearest, even if his daughter has been hurt?

WorldsOnFire · 24/12/2019 21:25

I would be sending her a text along the lines of ‘DD is very upset tonight, it was not your place to tell her Santa isn’t really, anymore than it’s mine to tell you god isn’t real.’

Thescrewinthetuna · 24/12/2019 21:25

Ugh I hate people that squish other people’s joy. No need for it.

SabineUndine · 24/12/2019 21:26

Tell your daughter that Santa is someone who is a little bit all of us. The more you believe, the more real he is.

JustASmallTownCurl · 24/12/2019 21:30

Oh what a dick move from her! Of all the days to do something that is already not her place to do! Sad for you OP, and for DD Thanks

GrumpyHoonMain · 24/12/2019 21:32

Yabu. Your dd is 11 - if she truly believed she would have told her friends (and risked the humiliation of still believing in Santa at 11) but she didn’t. It has nothing to do with religion - your entire argument is wrong. As is you potentially exposing your dd to bullying by not telling her the truth earlier.

LittleDragonGirl · 24/12/2019 21:32

Do people tell children Santa isnt real?
I always assumed (maybe naievly) that Santa stopped being real when children approached there parents questioning his existance/realising magical men dont exist?

scoobydoo1971 · 24/12/2019 21:42

I would text your MIL that 'Santa is real...just not in your life'...put a stocking out for your 11 year old anyway. Nothing wrong with a 11 year old believing. Everyone seems to be in a rush to see kids grow up these days. Merry Xmas.

Stompythedinosaur · 24/12/2019 21:59

I think that was a really mean thing for your mil to do. I hope you tell her how unhappy you are about it!

weederley · 24/12/2019 22:01

We've never told our boys that Santa isn't real - their friends at school told them, but when they asked us about that we said Santa is real for as long as they keep believing in him. They're now 15 and 13 and still put out stockings and talk about Santa coming but it's all done with a wink, for a bit of fun. Why spoil a good Christmas tradition?

Christmadtree · 24/12/2019 22:06

It's awful timing but she's saving your DD from bullying for still believing at this age imo.

U2HasTheEdge · 24/12/2019 22:08

I have never told mine that he isn't real. I see no need. My daughter is 11 and this year told me she knows he isn't real because she googled it. I am pretty sure she has been playing along with it for the last year or two anyway.

I can't imagine sitting mine down and telling them. YANBU OP.

Josette77 · 24/12/2019 22:09

She had no right to say anything. That said I think you should have told her before now.

Original poster
Swinesinsleepingbags · 24/12/2019 22:12

@WorldsOnFire I've just messaged her that, it was brilliant.
@weederley that's how I was brought up, continuing the magic, life is harsh enough Christmas is a break in the harshness.
@SabineUndine I love that.

I've not rushed my children into adulthood, childhood is such a small window. She has still left her mince pie out, we've just read some Christmas stories and now hopefully asleep. Tbh I thought I'd get more yabu so feel better than the majority see why it matters.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 24/12/2019 22:21

How dare she!!

I would be incandescent! Xmas Angry

bridgetreilly · 24/12/2019 22:24

I do think at 11 she should know, but (a) Christmas Eve is obviously not the time to tell her and (b) it's not MIL's decision, so YANBU. Poor kid. I hope you can help her to still enjoy this Christmas.

BahBloodyHumbug · 24/12/2019 22:28

Yabu. Your dd is 11 - if she truly believed she would have told her friends (and risked the humiliation of still believing in Santa at 11) but she didn’t. It has nothing to do with religion - your entire argument is wrong. As is you potentially exposing your dd to bullying by not telling her the truth earlier.

This is completely besides the point. The child in question is not the MILs child, and it was not her place to tell her. For that alone, OP is not being unreasonable.

Kanga83 · 24/12/2019 22:28

That's absolutely not on. We are Catholic, tonight at the children's mass (so they don't have to be up for midnight mass) the priest at the end had a box of celebrations for each child to pick on to celebrate Jesus birth , then all the kids sang Happy Birthday to Jesus around the crib and then he said right I've had notification from Rome that Santa is on his way, and he's heading for here soon, so straight home, put out your mince pie and milk and straight to bed won't you for your mammys and daddys'. So her belief in God is nothing with telling the truth. They are both the same thing- a belief and not for one person to wreck. The heartless joy sucker.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 24/12/2019 22:29

YANBU at all OP. I agree that children need to know but there's definitely a way for them to know without being hit in the face with it like this on Christmas Eve. Your MIL sounds a terror and needed a bollocking.

DS1 is 14. He knows. We know he knows. He knows we know etc but we've never had 'the' conversation; one Christmas Eve when he was around 10 we sprinkled reindeer oats on the lawn with his younger brother and he winked at me. I winked back. And that was enough for us both to know. And he would never, not for one second, tell DS2 who is 8. If a 14 year old can understand how lovely it is for younger DC to believe in magic I'm pretty certain your MIL has no excuses.