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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Christmas Eve is not the time for the santa talk.

40 replies

Swinesinsleepingbags · 24/12/2019 21:20

My 11 year old (who is immature but no additional needs) still wants to believe in FC. When asked we have always said that Santa is in our hearts and anyone can believe in magic and have never said that Santa is real but equally not said he is not. My mil knows this, she believes in God which as far as I'm concerned is a similar vein to Santa.
Tonight she told my DD that Santa wasn't real, DD has come home and is really upset. She has said that she doubted him but loved writing the letters, doing the mince pie and milk, putting out stockings and now it all seems pointless. I know that she told DH when he was six as thought he should have outgrown such childish thoughts.
Aibu to think she was out of order?

OP posts:

Nonnymum · 24/12/2019 22:30

I don't think we ever told our children Father Christmas wasn't real. It was just something they came to realisw themselves. Although my son tells me he always knew he wasn't real he just pretended and I think that is probably the case with most children. They know it's not real but they want to believe because it's nice to. I think your mother in law was cruel to tell your DD tonight.

Drum2018 · 24/12/2019 22:38

Mine had santa til they went to secondary school. Ds knew for a couple of years but didn't let on. Dd was like your dd, maybe questioning but still really wanted to believe. I'd be raging with your mil.

AteAllTheAfterEights · 24/12/2019 22:42

Of all the days! What a cow. Hope your DD isn’t too upset

IamFriedSpam · 24/12/2019 22:42

Yabu. Your dd is 11 - if she truly believed she would have told her friends (and risked the humiliation of still believing in Santa at 11) but she didn’t. It has nothing to do with religion - your entire argument is wrong. As is you potentially exposing your dd to bullying by not telling her the truth earlier.

What a silly point. When kids get older often their belief in santa is really a suspension of disbelief. If their life depended on it and they were asked if santa was real they'd say no but they don't admit it to themselves because they enjoy the magic. In any case it wasn't Mil's place to say and it certainly wasn't the time for it.

M0reGinPlease · 24/12/2019 22:45

I'd be livid. It's absolutely not her place to do this.

I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas and don't let her spoil it for you.

Dreambigger · 24/12/2019 23:04

Have a lovely Xmas but would be seriously cross with MIL this is not her place at all....she has crossed a line here. What is wrong with her?!

AbsinthedelaBonchance · 24/12/2019 23:30

We decided that Santa would stop being real when our DD acknowledged it to us - our 23 year old has hung up her stocking and gone to bed early...She has never uttered a word to us that could be interpreted as a doubt...
(before people start she undoubtedly DOES know perfectly well but does not want to give up her stocking and that tiny bit of magic)

Genzeee · 24/12/2019 23:36

She’s 11. My DS who is 11 and has autism knows because I didn’t want him ridiculed. He wasn’t bothered.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 24/12/2019 23:49

Mil timing is shit, but tbh I wouldn’t believe an 11 year old didn’t already know. I think a 6 year old would apply the logic that he is impossible

NoCleanClothes · 24/12/2019 23:55

Mil timing is shit, but tbh I wouldn’t believe an 11 year old didn’t already know. I think a 6 year old would apply the logic that he is impossible

It's nothing to do with logic, if kids want to believe they'll ignore all of that and just keep believing until they're forced not to. They probably won't say anything to their friends because deep down they know it isn't true.

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 25/12/2019 00:05

Sympathies OP. Your mil was wrong to tell her because it’s not her call to make.

I’ve got a new non believer here, also 11 yo dd. I haven’t confirmed outright that he doesn’t exist but at the same time she’s all wry smiles to me about ds (5) believing in Santa and very clearly doesn’t believe. She wouldn’t ruin it for ds of course as she’s very sweet

I’m not someone who likes to confirm it outright, because I’m sort of in the Santa is in all of us/ is the spirit of Christmas camp, and we can “believe” all our lives, even when we are the present buyer!

Original poster

Swinesinsleepingbags · 25/12/2019 22:46

Thanks all. It did change Christmas as she came down today saying I know it's not true. I've never said it was just not denied it either. I can't see why it needs to be said.

OP posts:

Mummyshark2019 · 25/12/2019 22:52

What an awful woman. Was mother in law round for lunch today?

56Marshmallow · 25/12/2019 23:01

What a bitch! I'd be seriously pissed off with your MIL. What an unkind thing to do.

I think the message you sent to her is spot on!

CountFosco · 25/12/2019 23:01

That's so mean of your MIL, when a child is told by an adult rather than realising themselves it's so deflating for them because they feel silly.

DS (who is only 7 weeps ) told me last night 'I'm looking at Santa right now aren't I Mummy' but he was quite happy with his grown-up knowledge (I suspect his big sister has told him, she still believed last year but is all winks and knowing looks this year).

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