Not drinking at Christmas.

[DJA1511]

Neither myself or my partner drink. We both did in our younger years but haven’t really drank in several years. I was never a heavy drinker. I think having a few drinks is fine but I grew up with my then stepdads (brothers dad) being an alcoholic, my uncle also had drink issues and when I was younger I went out with a co worker who happened to have massive problems with binge drinking at the weekend. I hated it. Also the taste or effect. Just doesn’t appeal to me. I have no problem with people drinking in moderation.

I feel like an alien amongst people for being t-total. I don’t go out all that often but I get fed up of being asked why I don’t drink and made to feel like an outsider 😩

I had my family around earlier. Asked if they wanted a drink. I meant a cup of tea, water, juice type thing. It was also early afternoon.

Stepdad asked if I had some alcohol. I thought he was joking and said no sorry and laughed it off but I think he was serious and was disappointed I didn’t have any. Then proceeded to look I my fridge not believing it could be Christmas without alcohol. I said there wasn’t a single drop in the house and hasn’t been in years.

If my family knew us well enough they would know we don’t drink and wouldn’t buy it just for the sake of Christmas.

Aibu to think that you can get through like without drinking? My grandparents are both complete non drinkers (my grans had like one alcoholic drink in her life) and I think I get it from them. My mum and stepdad on the other hand get a bit carried away.

I’m not sure what I’m getting at but I just wanted to vent.

If you want to drink, fine, Great.

If people don’t want to drink, don’t act like we are some weird species 🤣🤣

Omfg, of course yanbu! Who would say otherwise? So many people are teetotal, although I appreciate a lot of people are not. But honestly, I never, NEVER think of it as a big deal if someone says they don't drink and I would never expect a non drinker to provide booze at their house. That is a ridiculous expectation.

I’m not drinking much this Christmas as I have a baby. I totally get the hatred of a pressure to drink. I think people due it to justify their own behaviour or because it’s such an alien concept for them. In my personal experience the people who do this come from families of big drinkers,

If the could make non alcoholic drinks that actually taste like alcohol I would be happy.

But aren’t you doing the same thing?

I thought he was joking and said no sorry and laughed it off but I think he was serious and was disappointed

Why would he be joking? Most people (I’d argue) keep at least some alcohol in the house and at Christmas you are always going to be the exception to the rule. I think you were rather rude to laugh at him.

Obviously YANBU about the rest.

Most people who drink keep alcohol in the house, but I disagree that a non drinker should do the same. I think it was a weird expectation from her stepdad and no wonder the op thought he was joking, as surely he knows by now that she doesn't drink.

BellsAJingleTheRoastedChestnut

No, I don’t think anyone should keep alcohol in the house. But it’s not a ridiculous question. Even if I didn’t drink, if I had guests at Christmas I would probably have a think about what they might like to have. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I had people coming round, I would of got some alcohol in tbh. It’s called being a good host and it’s Christmas many people like a glass of something.

I can understand an alcoholic not buying it, that’s understandable but you are just a bad host.

It's only 7 o'clock and the op had her family round earlier. It's not like she was hosting a dinner party. I think asking for alcohol early in the day, when the hosts don't drink at all, is quite strange tbh, but obviously others disagree.

BellsAJingleTheRoastedChestnut

Usually I’d agree with you, but not on Christmas Eve. It’s quite normal for people to have a couple of drinks.

I thought he was joking and said no sorry and laughed it off but I think he was serious and was disappointed

Th fact that you had to add it was early afternoon and thinking he was joking suggests you are judging them for asking for an alcoholic drink. Why would you think he was joking? Its Christmas Eve so it would not usually be deemed unusual to have an alcoholic drink in the afternoon after all.

Its perfectly fine to not drink.

Its also perfectly fine to enjoy an alcoholic drink occasionally. Most people do so without having drink problems after all.

I'm teetotal but always provide booze for guests (and when I didn't eat meat I still cooked it for others). I think it's part of being a decent host. So from that perspective YABU.

However if serving others alcohol brings back horrible memories for you of relatives who had drink problems, then I can see how YANBU. If this is the case then you need to briefly explain this when you're asked why you're not serving drinks so that people don't just assume you're being thoughtless.

(If the second paragraph doesn't apply to you then I do think you need to just provide some booze)

I don't think you sound judgemental and I don't think you're a bad host! It's your home and absolutely your choice about what to have in it and what to offer your guests. I think it's a shame that your family aren't more aware that you don't drink. They can have a drink any time, they should care more about seeing you than what you have in the fridge.

I wouldn't expect a non-drinker to have alcohol in the house. I also would'nt expect a vegetarian to have meat in the house or a non-smoker to have cigarettes in the house, regardless of what I might prefer as a visitor.
OP, it's perfectly normal to offer non-alcoholic drinks only, even on Christmas Eve.

I don't think anyone is obliged to provide alcohol to guests. You can be a good host with a range of soft drinks and hot drinks, and food. Especially during the day time, but even at night I think the same, tbh.

Also to a pp, the OP didn't laugh AT her stepdad, she laughed off the request, which is completely different.

OP, I'm not teetotal but I don't drink a lot or very often. I think it's completely fine to choose not to drink at all, especially given your family background. If other people want to drink, that's their choice, but you don't have to provide it in your home.

I am teetotal too and husband isn't bothered. My brother is driving to us tomorrow and my mum doesn't drink either, nephews too young. We don't have any alcohol either. I am making mulled apple juice and non alcoholic punch tomorrow, but we will still have a good time. It has meant a much cheaper shop this year

We are a dry house. Not a scrap of booze in it. I don’t drink. Nether does my partner.

If people want it, they can bring their own. I’m not going to provide it for them.

But then I’m a recovering alcoholic so people are very sensitive to it. However is don’t mind if people want to bring some tomorrow.

It’s a different Xmas for us. It’s nice. It’s simple and I remember everything. It’s not easy for me but the alternative is not an option!

Also to a pp, the OP didn't laugh AT her stepdad, she laughed off the request, which is completely different.

Not really. Why is it something to be laughed at? Just say no, sorry, we don’t drink so we don’t have any. I don’t get what’s funny.

I will never cease to be amazed by how aggressive and rude people become when you say "no thanks" to an alcoholic drink. Its utterly bizarre.
Alcohol is a poison. I drink on occasion so I'm not judgy about it but its a poison. You wouldn't scold someone for not putting poison in their body yet with alcohol it seems "normal" to make fun of, interrogate and judge people who choose not to drink.

Noone does it with smoking do they? noone says to a non smoker "hey- why aren't you smoking? what's the matter with you? come on- dont be boring- just have one cigarette, dont you want to have fun??"

It really fcking annoys me. For starters, not everyone likes the taste of alcohol, other people are allergic, there might be medical or religious reasons, they might be a former alcoholic!- in which case trying to convince them to drink is a real arsehole move. Even if none of those things apply- its their choice not to drink. The idea that you can't have a "good time" unless you're wrecked is such a load of crap. Ive been sober at events when everyone around me was trashed and they weren't having fun at all- they were staggering around, talking slurred BS, dropping things, and blathering on about their own boorish opinions as if everyone else found them fascinating. Not to mention vomiting and snogging people they shouldn't.

I just wish people would respect others' choice not to drink- and I really think those who try to pressure others to drink do it because deep down they feel some kind of guilt about what they're doing. Otherwise, why would you be so desperate for others to drink?

Of course, yanbu. But the vast majority of people that drink alcohol don't have a drinking problem or are alcoholics. Whether you mean to or not you come across as judging people who do like to drink. Not a nice trait.

Yanbu

It is no secret you and your sh don’t drink so to expect and even be disappointed you don't have it in your home says more about him than it does about you.

I wouldn’t waste money buying alcohol if my husband and I didn’t drink and wouldn’t expect anyone else to jic people come over. If it was a party, yea, but a casual visit, no.

*dp

I’ve not drunk since my 20’s since I was pregnant with my daughter who is now 21. I just don’t like the taste. My husband drinks very little. We’ve bought one bottle of wine for Christmas and that’ll last him a couple of days. Other people drinking doesn’t bother either of us. It’s never been an issue. I’ve never been made to feel strange for not drinking.

My family coming over wasn’t planned. It was a flying visit as they were on the way back from somewhere. We had plans so they were only here for about 45 minutes.

I don’t judge people for drinking. In my post I said there’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks but I’ve suffered some really bad experiences with other people drinking. My mums ex husband was an alcoholic and he used to come back drunk, batter her around. We’d have to flea the house at 2am. My uncle was a violent alcoholic, My ex had major issues with drinking and would turn into a nasty person whilst drinking. My sons grandad (my son with an ex partner) died from alcoholism.

I get that only a a small proportion of people who drink have a problem but bad experiences put you off.

It was worrying my stepdad was asking for a drink also because he was driving home but that’s another story!

I don’t drink and I really haven’t a clue where to begin with buying for other people but I would have asked them if they prefer red or white with their meal then got a few bottles that went with what you are serving and maybe a bottle or 3 of sparkling and warned them and asked them to bring their own booze.

I certainly wouldn’t not provide anything and not warn them it was gong to be a dry Christmas

Me and my husband don’t drink. Same as you. We’ve never been big drinkers

We also don’t have alcohol in the house

We also got married this year. 90% of our guests got us champagne. Which is lovely. I graciously accepted and adore they even got us anything. However. They know us. They know we don’t drink. Ironic.

It was worrying my stepdad was asking for a drink also because he was driving home but that’s another story!

Why? He’s not going to be over the limit from one small drink, is he?

But it’s understandable that you don’t want to be around alcohol. Just say that. No need to laugh at the bloke.