Not drinking at Christmas.

[DJA1511]

Neither myself or my partner drink. We both did in our younger years but haven’t really drank in several years. I was never a heavy drinker. I think having a few drinks is fine but I grew up with my then stepdads (brothers dad) being an alcoholic, my uncle also had drink issues and when I was younger I went out with a co worker who happened to have massive problems with binge drinking at the weekend. I hated it. Also the taste or effect. Just doesn’t appeal to me. I have no problem with people drinking in moderation.

I feel like an alien amongst people for being t-total. I don’t go out all that often but I get fed up of being asked why I don’t drink and made to feel like an outsider 😩

I had my family around earlier. Asked if they wanted a drink. I meant a cup of tea, water, juice type thing. It was also early afternoon.

Stepdad asked if I had some alcohol. I thought he was joking and said no sorry and laughed it off but I think he was serious and was disappointed I didn’t have any. Then proceeded to look I my fridge not believing it could be Christmas without alcohol. I said there wasn’t a single drop in the house and hasn’t been in years.

If my family knew us well enough they would know we don’t drink and wouldn’t buy it just for the sake of Christmas.

Aibu to think that you can get through like without drinking? My grandparents are both complete non drinkers (my grans had like one alcoholic drink in her life) and I think I get it from them. My mum and stepdad on the other hand get a bit carried away.

I’m not sure what I’m getting at but I just wanted to vent.

If you want to drink, fine, Great.

If people don’t want to drink, don’t act like we are some weird species 🤣🤣

My mothers ex boyfriend was also a very abusive alcoholic. It’s scarred me big time.

OP - that info changes things - if they just dropped in, then of course tea/coffee etc is fine.

As he's driving too...

No need to laugh at the bloke.

Good grief, you act as if she cackled laughing in his face. Have you never laughed something off before?

phoenixrosehere

Of course I have. It’s what you do when someone has been rude or insulting and you don’t want a confrontation. I don’t get it in this context. He just asked for a drink.

Also, some countries have zero tolerance for drink driving where just having one drink is too much.

YAMBU like you my family do not really drink maybe a glass of wine on Xmas. When I am asked I just say I don’t like the way it makes me feel. End of conversation.

phoenixrosehere

True. I’m assuming this is a more local post but it might not be. Or Scotland or similar.

We rarely drink and don't generally have it in the house unless someone gives us some as a gift. So we have a few bottles of prosecco at the 'oment as wedding presents/Christmas presents. If I was having people round for an evening, I would get alcohol in but I wouldn't really get it in specially for someone popping round for a short visit in the afternoon or something. If they asked and I had some I'd be happy to serve it, though.

Or it just caught her off guard..

I wouldn’t be offering alcohol during the day, Christmas Eve or not.

I don’t drink and often get asked why but I just say it’s not good for a persons health and body. I don’t get why people ask though, no one asks why you don’t smoke.

phoenixrosehere

I still don’t get why you’d laugh at a guest in your house asking for a drink. But ho hum.

She laughed it off, not laughed at someone. She could have been laughing at herself in a self-deprecating way. She wasn't laughing in his face, I'm sure!

Exactly @Celebelly

I don’t know, I think ya being a bit unreasonable. If you are having people over around Christmas it wouldn’t hurt to buy a bottle or a four pack. They could even take it with them when they went. We don’t drink fizzy pop but have some cans of lemonade and coke for family that I think may pop around and fancy something other than a glass of water. It’s no hardship. Sounds like alcohol is a bigger issue for you though? Not sure why you’d laugh?

YANBU to not have booze in the house if you don't drink. Absolutely. However given the time of year and the tendency (among some groups of people) to enjoy a little mulled wine or a glass of fizz in the afternoon your step dad is also NBU to presume that's what you meant. I don't think its comparable to smoking as for most people a moderate level of alcohol intake is not harmful or even an issue at all. Some people choose not to drink at all but most adults consume alcohol even if only rarely.

I don't drink coffee ever but I have coffee in the house to offer guests.

Did you not specify the drinks?
I don't mean list everything but if you offer tea or coffe most people would get that alcohol isn't on offer.

IceCream Do you really say that?

If you are having people over around Christmas it wouldn’t hurt to buy a bottle or a four pack.

OP said it was an unexpected visit and they were just passing through.

I didn’t laugh at him. I laughed it off thinking he was joking asking for alcohol early in the day and when he had to drive home. I jokingly j said I might start taking up drinking to get through Christmas (Christmas is stressful for me).

As for having alcohol. It’s completely pointless to buy it. We don’t tend to have visitors very often. It would be left lying around for months or years on end plus j have no idea what I would buy. It wasn’t an official visit just they popped in for a short while.

I asked if they wanted a drink. I specified tea, coffee, juice and said j had some cans of coke, lemonade and j20 in for Christmas.

I have this problem constantly. Neither I nor my DH drink and it seems to be a constant problem when out with friends. Apparently your “boring” if you don’t drink. It’s ridiculous. I chose not to drink for many reasons but mostly i get an allergic reaction from it. It’s almost as if people are offended by someone not drinking.

my house is a dry house. i’m a recovering alcoholic and have this year escaped a relationship with an active one.

after the time i spent living with an active, problem drinker, it’s my one hard no. no booze in my house. but then, the people who know me and love me understand this, and wouldn’t be perplexed not to be offered a g&t.

britain is a bit funny about booze. it’s all or nothing. this time 7 years ago i’d be absolutely battered by now, christmas dinner would be a bit hit and miss tomorrow due to all the ‘just one’ drinks when cooking, and the traditional Passing Out Before Christmas Eastenders would be imminent.

i don’t miss it. not one bit.

I drink, but have a teetotal friend. She's a lovely host, but never has any alcohol in her house. It has never occurred to me that she should. If the party is at her place, we just bring our own alcohol + something for the host (chocolates, flowers, etc). I wouldn't bat an eyelid if you'd say you have no alcohol in the house, OP. Why would you, if you don't drink?

Some people like to take the piss, though. We hosted a party at ours. My friend brought his new girlfriend, a bit of a diva that one was. We do drink and had plenty of various booze. She demanded champagne ('and not that cava/prosecco shit'). We don't drink champagne, can't afford to buy a crate of the 'real stuff' for all our guests. So she had a strop and was sipping water all evening (lucky for everyone, he dumped her not long after the party).

I think its ridiculous to expect OP to get booze in purely on the off chance someone might stop by when she doesnt drink herself. If you are having a dinner party or social gathering, then YES, absolutely get some booze in for others to have even if you dont drink yourself.
But having it as some kind of stand by in case people pop in is just silly. Where does it end? should you always have biscuits and cakes in? in case someone stops by for afternoon tea? or should you always prepare an extra plate at dinner "just in case" someone stops by at dinner time unannounced? On another thread, MNetters said they would never even answer the door if someone stopped by unexpectedly never mind offering them an array of different alcoholic drinks.

If I stopped by unannounced at someone's house and I was driving, I would not expect them to provide me with an alcoholic drink- coffee, tea, juice or a soft drink would be perfectly fine. I mean, geez, surely people can go 30 mins or so without drinking- ESPECIALLY if they're bloody driving right afterwards. Good grief.

I have never drunk alcohol and have no knowledge of what people drink and when. If we have guests, I ask in advance what they would like so that I can get it but 99% of the time, they insist upon bringing their own. Means they get exactly what they want and I'm not stressing about getting it right. I probably couldn't get wine right tbh. I glanced down the aisle today when looking for port for a friend and the options are vast. No idea what's good or normal tbh. I'm not a bad host, I'm just a lifelong non drinker.

I don't drink (haven't for about 15 years) and it's only in the last couple of years that family have stopped trying to 'encourage' me to have a drink at Christmas. It used to really bug me! You wouldn't try to encourage a non-smoker to have a cigarette so why try and push alcohol on a non-drinker?
That said, if I'm having people round then I'll buy in wine/beers but only if they are coming for dinner x

YANBU-

I wouldn't expect a non-drinker to have alcohol in the house. I also would'nt expect a vegetarian to have meat in the house or a non-smoker to have cigarettes in the house, regardless of what I might prefer as a visitor.

^This