Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to go to my partners for Christmas Eve/Day?

72 replies

roseunicorn45 · 24/12/2019 15:57

Supposed to be at my mums but my mum’s been really hard work recently. If you remember my last thread I posted under a different name about how my mum is taking over my pregnancy.

The other day my mum said she was cooking a curry for the family on Christmas Eve. I don’t live with her. I assumed I would be invited as all of my brothers and sisters are there. Yesterday I said I will see you tomorrow for Christmas Eve. She said why? I didn’t think you’d be coming. I said okay I won’t come, and she said well I just don’t need the drama (I am trying to remain as drama free as possible as pregnant and she is picking fights with everyone).

I decided I would go to my partners for Christmas as he is spending it with his family, but I received a text from my mum apologising and saying please come. So I have come to my mums.

In the space of two hours, she has made digs at me already. First when my grandmother asked me what I was writing about (I’m a journalist and I was funnily enough assigned how to avoid conflict at Christmas) and I told her, to which my mum goes ‘How about not inviting your daughter’ out of the blue. No arguments nothing, I’ve been trying to be nice to her.

I then said I was looking forward to having my first Christmas at my house next year when my baby will be here, and she said ‘Why don’t you spend it at your house this year instead’.

It’s been non-stop digs and her trying to start fights with everyone for days and I just don’t need the stress. But I don’t want to upset her by going to my partners because I know she will be vile to me and manipulate me into feeling guilty and like I’ve ruined Christmas.

Would IBU to go to my partners for Christmas?

OP posts:
Chunkers · 24/12/2019 17:52

Did you read any of the replies on your last thread?

EKGEMS · 24/12/2019 17:59

Are you trying to write some novel in stages about family conflict for work? Because you sure as hell must be trying to get feedback from the gullible MN audience as no intelligent adult would tolerate this treatment and continue to ask for advice yet take no heed! It's like a child being told not to touch a hot burner yet day after day there you go getting burned!

roseunicorn45 · 24/12/2019 18:13

Hi, sorry I was driving to my partners I’ve just got here. For those saying I’m playing into the drama - my mum has borderline personality disorder and after she apologised to me I felt guilty so went to her house for Christmas because I don’t want her to have a melt down. Trust me I don’t like the drama especially not while pregnant it’s just she can be vile if she doesn’t get her own way so I struggle not knowing what to do. She is having a bad time with her mental health so that’s why I end up running to her because I don’t want to make her feel any worse, but I’ll be spending Christmas with my partner and I’m not going to bother contacting. X

OP posts:
wheresmyliveship · 24/12/2019 18:41

Well done! Now sit back and enjoy

Shouldershrugger · 24/12/2019 18:49

My mum is similar to yours. So i feel your pain. Good for you for leaving. Hope you have a lovely Christmas op

cstaff · 24/12/2019 18:52

@roseunicorn45
Well done OP. I hope you have a relaxing enjoyable Christmas at your partner's. Ignore any BS from your own family.

user1471449295 · 24/12/2019 18:53

Please go. She’s awful

Merryoldgoat · 24/12/2019 19:01

I remember your last post, and I’m not trying to be mean, but why you went at all is beyond me.

Your mother is poisonous. You’ll be better off once you realise you need to cut her out.

I know it’s not easy, but you’ll realise one day.

HuggedTrees · 24/12/2019 19:04

Huge well done. Keep the contact minimal

sonjadog · 24/12/2019 19:06

Well, done. Enjoy your Christmas now.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 24/12/2019 19:18

Those berating OP for going to her mums in the first place and accusing her of enjoying the drama, would you say these things to a woman who was struggling to break free from a Domestically Abusive partner? Probably not, because most people understand enough about coercive control nowadays to realise that when you've been manipulated and emotionally abused over a sustained period of time that becomes your normal and you start to believe you deserve it. Most of us understand that it's not easy for women in these kinds of relationships to "just leave". Well, when the person controlling and emotionally abusing you is your parent it's even harder because you've been conditioned to accept this behaviour your entire life. You've literally never known anything else. As well as the emotional pull to stay, there's a powerful biological one. I've spent years working with abused children and it never ceases to amaze me how many will go to great lengths to defend and protect their parents, even in cases where they've been tortured (literally, physically tortured) by them. The fact that OP has left her DM's to go to her DP's house is huge, it will have taken immense strength to ignore the guilt, the inevitable emotional manipulation and the nagging fear she might somehow 'pay' for it later.

Well done, OP for removing yourself from the situation. Have a lovely Christmas with your DP. You deserve it.

cstaff · 24/12/2019 19:24

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery
Well said. You are bang on the money.

BarbedBloom · 24/12/2019 19:31

What are you doing love? She is awful, I was really shocked when I read your pregnancy post. You need to make a stand now by leaving and start putting in boundaries

BarbedBloom · 24/12/2019 19:32

Sorry I only saw 1 page. Well done. Have a lovely Christmas

ClemDanFango · 24/12/2019 19:36

Fuck her christmas! Go and enjoy yours! If she throws a tantrum block her number until new year or forever whichever suits you best.

AlpacaGoodnight · 24/12/2019 19:50

Well done! I hope you manage to have a lovely Christmas!

DrivingMsCrazy · 24/12/2019 19:59

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery 👏👏👏exactly right.

OP I know it's incredibly hard and the guilt is a killer but you are doing the best thing for you and your baby by stepping away. I hope you have a lovely time being cared for by your partner.

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 24/12/2019 21:07

Off you trot to your partners. You don't need the grief. X

aibutohavethisusername · 24/12/2019 21:28

Glad you’ve gone to your partner’s x

Wonkybanana · 24/12/2019 21:53

Your mum's apology was just another way to manipulate you. She didn't mean it, but she knew that this time you meant it when you said you wouldn't be going on Christmas Day. And she wants you there so that she can enjoy being spiteful to you.

Whatever she does now it's only to reel you back in so that she can start again. Stay strong, stay at your partner's family and ignore her. Nothing she does is because she's sorry. And she only wants you to feel guilty so that you'll go back for more. Don't. And have a lovely Christmas.

LL83 · 24/12/2019 22:01

Well done OP. Have s lovely Christmas

HouseworkAvoider10 · 24/12/2019 22:22

Nice one, OP.
Leave the big cow to it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page