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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask her this? Is it weird?

34 replies

Nurserynexttome · 24/12/2019 13:58

I met ex’s new girlfriend last weekend, when I dropped the kids off. Normally he picks and drops them off, but I took them out for the day so dropped them off myself. That’s when I met her, shes really nice. She invited me in, and we had a chat. She’s a nursery teacher, left her old job and after Christmas will be working in a nursery literally 1 mins walk from me same road, they’re coming round today to drop presents off. AIBU to say that she can pop round for a cup of tea on her breaks? I’m home anyway as I take DS3 to nursery at 1pm. Is it too early for stuff like this? I don’t know if she would be a bit Hmm, what would you think if you were the girlfriend?

OP posts:
Tableclothing · 24/12/2019 13:59

Do nursery teachers get the kind of breaks where they can pop out for cup of tea?

orangejuicer · 24/12/2019 13:59

It's early I think and a bit weird, sorry!

toomuchfaster · 24/12/2019 14:00

Way too soon! Get to know her gently first, also bear in mind she may not be around for long.

HuggedTrees · 24/12/2019 14:00

I think if it’s a serious relationship for them and she’s going to be around your kids or has already met them then offering shows willing and will make your kids lives so so so much easier if you all get on. Go for it

VanyaHargreeves · 24/12/2019 14:01

I would find this very odd I'm afraid. She's his new girlfriend, not your new best friend, I would see it as inserting yourself in their lives and trying to be controlling.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 24/12/2019 14:01

That's weird.

Tinderingalong · 24/12/2019 14:01

That’s too weird.

Orchidflower1 · 24/12/2019 14:03

Too soon at the moment imho but maybe in 6 months or so.

What are you looking for if she does come?

NoHummus · 24/12/2019 14:03

Yep, it's weird. She'll probably want a bit of quiet time on her breaks, not to have to make polite chitchat with her DP's ex.

Cherrysoup · 24/12/2019 14:03

I’d be keeping a fair distance. It’s all very odd, wanting to be her mate. Let your DP deal with her. It might be very weird for him for you two to get chummy.

user1468348545 · 24/12/2019 14:03

I get on really well with my finances ex (his dd mum) and we have taken the kids(mine and hers) out together. I think if the parents can be friends it definitely helps for the kids.. occasions like birthdays and christmas we can all be together xx

Motoko · 24/12/2019 14:03

I don't think you should just yet. You've only met her the once, she might think you're trying to gage what she's like, or something.

Give it time, and then perhaps tell her she's welcome to pop in for a cuppa, anytime, rather than during her breaks. She might not want to leave the nursery just for a break, as it's only 10/15 minutes presumably. Maybe on her lunch break though.

Stressedout10 · 24/12/2019 14:04

If you've only met her once for a few minutes don't do it, its way to soon and feels off not weird exactly but definitely off

Nonnymum · 24/12/2019 14:04

It's a nice thought but I doubt she would get a break where she could go out apart from her lunch break so unless you ebay to 9ffet her lunch I would leave it. . Why not wait until your ex has been with her a bit longer then ask her if she wants to pop in sometime when she is on the way home from work?

Motoko · 24/12/2019 14:06

*gauge, not gage.

IncrediblySadToo · 24/12/2019 14:07

It’s great that you like her, but it’s a bit soon for that sort of invitation. It also might be better to suggest a coffee somewhere neutral first do she feels a bit more relaxed than in your home (initially). I hope you can be friendly/friends though, it definitely makes life more pleasant!

roisinagusniamh · 24/12/2019 14:08

Crazy idea to have anyone pop around for coffee every day !!

Pilot12 · 24/12/2019 14:09

I think it's nice that you've met her, you like her and you're happy for your kids to spend time with her but I'd leave it at that. I am civil to DP's ex because of DSD but I don't want her dropping round our house for cups of tea all the time.

FrivolousPancake · 24/12/2019 14:18

I’m all for civility but that’s really weird

AlwaysCheddar · 24/12/2019 14:23

Too early, too weird! But nice thought.

IamFriedSpam · 24/12/2019 14:25

I think it's a nice offer - she might not have time and might not want to go anywhere on her break but I can't imagine her being offended by the suggestion.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/12/2019 14:29

She won't have breaks where she can leave the nursery.

Also it's too soon. Keep being friendly a d nice, see what happens. If it gets serious then extend the invite perhaps. Its really wonderful if everyone can get on and kids have just one big family but if you over familiarise yourself and I grain her in their lives and they split in a few months it'll be so much harder on them

KarmaStar · 24/12/2019 18:08

Lives too short for all that waiting,what are you waiting for exactly?if you'd like to invite her round do so.

Spied · 24/12/2019 18:12

I'd think it odd.
Be friendly and tell her she's welcome to pop in anytime but just leave it at that.
Don't mention her breaks etc.

TheReluctantCountess · 24/12/2019 18:12

I don’t think she’ll have breaks where she can just leave the premises.

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