To want a break from PILs over Christmas

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Every single year we have Christmas dinner with PILs and also see them most of Boxing Day. Every year. DH won't budge on it, endless arguments . My parents live overseas.

This morning DH asks, in all seriousness, if PILs can come round this eve as well. I said no, too late notice and too much to do this eve as they're all coming over tomorrow already for Christmas.
AIBU?

Yanbu, and start planning to fly your parents over next year or visit them yourselves!

YANBU. If I were you I'd look into the cost of flights for next Christmas, so that you and your children (if you have any) can visit your parents instead. DH can stay at home with his.

My parents won't come and unfortunately we can't go to them as we split time for DCs with their dad over Christmas. That's why Ii find it hard to get out of this rut. I wouldn't even mind every Xmas day with PILs, but the every nosing day as well is really irritating. I couldn't actually believe DH suggesting Christmas Eve as well!

YANBU

You have a dh problem not in-laws.

I can’t understand why in-laws can’t make other plans and ye have every second year alone.

Nor me. This is the first Xmas day why're not coming round Christmas morning (On top of Christmas dinner and evening)!

I second the dh problem
He can go to his parents for Christmas If he wants, you and kids stay home.

Does he always prioritize his parents first and his wife second?
You need marital counselling to get his priorities straight

Ok, I guess he is going to invite them anyway so just ignore them - have a bath, ring up and chat to someone else in the phone, do a massive fart then leave the room etc. - let your DH be host, tidy up before they arrive etc.

He thinks it's normal and that I'm the one being antisocial. I try telling him I dont know one other single adult who sees their parents every Christmas and boxing day every year without fail, but he's not hearing it. I'm seriously thinking of taking myself on holiday next year on Boxing Day when DCs have gone to their dads

And this is your life for years and years until the PILs die. Could you bear that?
Your idea to go away next year is a good one.

I try telling him I dont know one other single adult who sees their parents every Christmas and boxing day every year without fail

I'm not sure that is the angle to take... I can see why you have, but it's probably just making him defensive and he's probably right that there are a lot of adults who do see their parents every year for both days... a lot of my friends still "go home" for Christmas, for example; so spend both days with their families every year.

It might be better to get him onboard with dividing up the time, so he sees them but you also have family time, and time with him, and they're not around for everything? Right now fiancé and I tend to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together; for example, and then usually we drive to his parents in the early afternoon to eat with them. Boxing Day is a big family gathering for his family so we tend to stay around for that and then we agree in November if we're staying beyond that or coming home. That works quite well for us right now; it may have to change when he have kids but we'll see how it goes!

Could you try and split the time so he still sees the parts he considers most important to be with them, but you get more time without them; and then slowly even it out more?

Otherwise yes, I'd be booking that holiday, with or without him.

Work out the every other year thing with your Ex, and see if he'll let you take the kids to see your parents next year.

Well if he wants guests, he sorts all the stuff out. Cooking cleaning shopping.

Let him see how difficult it is

Go and see your parents next year. Arrange with your ex for you to have DCs (perhaps he can have them Christmas Eve and Christmas morning) and then fly on Christmas Day afternoon - fares are cheaper and you'll avoid your DH/PIL problem.

Thanks all

Anchor I can see your point and you're right, it definitely does make him defensive. The bits he considers most important are Christmas dinner and Boxing Day dinner. I can't get him to budge on either, although last year was a break from the past in that we went to eat out on Boxing Day, which made a change. I'll work on Boxing Day more to try eventually maybe to change that.

I think with DCs getting older they'll not want to keep splitting Christmas Day soon enough, so that's likely to bring on a change as there's more leeway then to change things. I would definitely be on holiday every other year for a start.

DH wouldnt see having them around tonight as more work. He does all the food always anyway and doesn't mind it. It's not the hassle/work I mind, I just want a break from them over Christmas and this mornings suggestion almost broke the camels back so to speak.

Is it possible to get a flight on Christmas Day? I thought Boxing Day would be possible but not Christmas Day.

YANBU.

Some people really seem to struggle with the notion that for their partner, the ILs are more like visitors than family. To want a day over Christmas where it doesn't matter if you get pissed and end up sprawled out asleep on the sofa, snoring and farting* is not unreasonable.

Unless you're so comfortable with your OH's family, that you can absolutely relax, HIBU.

*Not suggesting for a minute that this is what you get up to, OP, but that's what passes for a good Christmas in our house.

I think you need to explain to your dh that Xmas and boxing day are also your holiday days for you to spend as is most restful and enjoyable for you too. So this year just go off for boxing day even for a spa day or something. Be good to yourself

Make life as easy as possible for yourself
Do none of it.

Yanbu. I have lovely ils but, in the past, they could be a bit much at this time of the year in terms of how much of our time they demanded. Sils will spend every day with them from now until the 2nd January so there is an expectation that we do the same. However, I also have lovely parents who I want to see so we tend to alternate Christmas day, which means we alternate boxing day too. We got to a point where we had zero time to ourselves. So, I now reserve Christmas eve just for us. Every year we politely decline PILS invite and do our own thing. This year I'm sat mnetting and watching dh and the kids are run around soft play at a theme park. In the early days, DH would happily have tagged along with his parents plans, but I wanted some time just us four so insisted. Now he says it's one of his favourite parts of Christmas. Sometimes you need to put your foot down and insist your happiness is a priority.

Lakie yes absolutely! I'm finally getting Christmas morning off from the routine so at least I don't have to get up and dressed before breakfast! A Boxing Day lazing sounds great.

Mummy yes I think next year that's exactly what I'll do. I won't manage to persuade him not to see them, so all I can do is to say that for once I want to decide what I do

YANBU maybe you should visit your parents one Christmas.

Why can’t you agree with the dc father that next year you go to your parents? Perhaps fly out before Xmas, and be back day after Boxing Day so he gets New a Year?

Chloemol for now I like seeing DCs every year, and they like it how it is as well. But likely to change as they get older

I just had a quick look on skyscanner, and yes you can get flights on Christmas day.