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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be having a secret strop about Christmas and life in general?

56 replies

Megamini27 · 24/12/2019 09:07

Quite open to people being blunt here. I’m quite self aware and know that sometimes I need to be told when I need to have a word with myself!!
Basically, I just feel that I need to stop making such an effort with people (friends) over Christmas and in general throughout the year.
I have a handful of ‘proper friends’ who I tend do do all my socialising with. Known them twenty years or so..... and a wider circle of friends/ associates, I enjoy spending time with when a larger social gathering calls, but don’t necessarily have their mobile numbers etc. Met mainly through work and other friends.
This year, like every year, I do the Christmas thing and write all my cards/ send all my emails/ take pleasure in choosing and giving the presents and secret Santa, and fully immerse myself in being the social butterfly that I am most certainly NOT usually- finding time to get round to see everyone, nip round for cuppas and chats with old friends. Year on year, I’m becoming more aware that my efforts are not always appreciated or reciprocated. I’m a full time manager with a very demanding job working 50+ hours a week. I have a disabled DS at home too and some health issues myself so it is a real effort on my part if I’m honest when I’d mostly like to get home and curl up in bed and sleep/ spend some time with my own family who often miss out on my time with work. This year, I’m particularly p**sed off if I’m honest. Hardly anyone of my friends has bothered to send me a card back. Some of my highly strung friends are a bit put out that I’ve made some new year plans that only involve family and haven’t taken them up on their offer and are being a bit funny. My present off my longest oldest friend is a load of bits I know she got for her 40th last year thrown in a bag. I’m not bothered about presents. But this just shows last minute thought and little care. I’m the first to send the obligatory ‘happy new year!’ Texts as midnight. Half the time, I never get them back. I am not daft. I know people have families and plans of their own. We are all busy. But is it unreasonable to assume that people you love and care for should find at least ten mins over the festive period to give a shit and write a bloody card/ send a text? It’s all very one sided and I feel next year I genuinely shouldn’t bother with the effort and just focus on my family (who are amazing). Should I Ba Humbug them all next year???

OP posts:
CluelessNewMama · 24/12/2019 16:16

I think YANBU for making the effort but YAB a little U to expect everyone to want to do the same. I think so many of us are exhausted this time of year and just want to spend a little time with close friends and family. I have to say I find it a bit irritating when casual friends insist that we have to meet up around Christmas. Let’s just meet up any time, it doesn’t all need to be crammed into a few weeks.

And stop sending Christmas cards except to anyone you know really appreciates them. It’s so wasteful. I only send cards to my grandparents now because I know it’s important to them.

TalbotAMan · 24/12/2019 16:18

We gave up on most cards when the price of stamps went through the roof a few years back. It seemed madness to be spending £30 on stamps for £5 worth of cards.

Speaking purely for myself, there are many things I would like to be doing at midnight on New Year's Eve, but replying to texts isn't one of them.

But as others have said, dial back. It's not like the only way to communicate is through the post. Send a text/email/WhatsApp/Instagram instead.

Bargebill19 · 24/12/2019 16:30

Dial it right back to those who seem to actually care for you. Plus do what you want to do. Life is too short to run around others who expect it or don’t appreciate it and won’t reciprocate.

Megamini27 · 24/12/2019 16:33

Exactly how I feel and exactly what I’m going to do next year. Thanks for your reply x

OP posts:
pinkyboots1 · 24/12/2019 17:22

I think you sound absolutely lovely and it'd be pretty peeved off if I went to all that effort and then people didn't respond back. I usually make all my cards (about 50) but have scaled that right back this year to just immediate family (5) and immediate colleagues (10) other people are getting an e-card. Maybe you could start reducing what you do for others and spend sometime and money et treating yourself coz I think you deserve it

Megamini27 · 24/12/2019 17:57

Aww thank you. What a lovely thing to say. Wishing you a very merry Christmas! X

OP posts:
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