AIBU to be having a secret strop about Christmas and life in general?

[Megamini27]

Quite open to people being blunt here. I’m quite self aware and know that sometimes I need to be told when I need to have a word with myself!!
Basically, I just feel that I need to stop making such an effort with people (friends) over Christmas and in general throughout the year.
I have a handful of ‘proper friends’ who I tend do do all my socialising with. Known them twenty years or so..... and a wider circle of friends/ associates, I enjoy spending time with when a larger social gathering calls, but don’t necessarily have their mobile numbers etc. Met mainly through work and other friends.
This year, like every year, I do the Christmas thing and write all my cards/ send all my emails/ take pleasure in choosing and giving the presents and secret Santa, and fully immerse myself in being the social butterfly that I am most certainly NOT usually- finding time to get round to see everyone, nip round for cuppas and chats with old friends. Year on year, I’m becoming more aware that my efforts are not always appreciated or reciprocated. I’m a full time manager with a very demanding job working 50+ hours a week. I have a disabled DS at home too and some health issues myself so it is a real effort on my part if I’m honest when I’d mostly like to get home and curl up in bed and sleep/ spend some time with my own family who often miss out on my time with work. This year, I’m particularly p**sed off if I’m honest. Hardly anyone of my friends has bothered to send me a card back. Some of my highly strung friends are a bit put out that I’ve made some new year plans that only involve family and haven’t taken them up on their offer and are being a bit funny. My present off my longest oldest friend is a load of bits I know she got for her 40th last year thrown in a bag. I’m not bothered about presents. But this just shows last minute thought and little care. I’m the first to send the obligatory ‘happy new year!’ Texts as midnight. Half the time, I never get them back. I am not daft. I know people have families and plans of their own. We are all busy. But is it unreasonable to assume that people you love and care for should find at least ten mins over the festive period to give a shit and write a bloody card/ send a text? It’s all very one sided and I feel next year I genuinely shouldn’t bother with the effort and just focus on my family (who are amazing). Should I Ba Humbug them all next year???

I would end the presents and cards. Christmas isnt even about the gifts, its spending time with one another. A phone call/text to say happy christmas is enough. But if they do call/text, then still chat and meet up if you want to.

I think that you should fall off the crazy Christmas band wagon,and stop doing all the things that you do. I used to do all this, but stopped years ago.Just break all these habits,and be free.

I am not a killjoy no way, but I was born in the 1940 era, Christmas time was much simpler of course,and so much better.. It was all to do with having family together,and having a decent meal,with some port or sherry for the ladies,and beer for the men ha ha. and perhaps some home made gifts.. NO phones, and no stress !

God that sounds amazing. I think I’m going to take a leaf out of your book next year. Maybe then it will be something to look forward to as opposed to stress and feelings of humbug!!! Merry Christmas to you and yours x

It’s nice of you to send a card but you can’t infer someone’s level of friendship from a lack of one back. I’ve never done them, not because I don’t care about people, but because it’s one thing I don’t find much joy in and I prefer to donate to charity. However I will see and spend time with the people I care about, it’s not all about the card! I vote be a bit more selective and choosy next year and give yourself less to do and see how you enjoy the next festive season?

I’m the first to send the obligatory ‘happy new year!’ Texts as midnight. Half the time, I never get them back

It's not obligatory to send a happy new year text. It's your choice to send, but I wouldn't reply, or event think you were expecting a reply

Is it not just a nice thing to do? Wish someone a happy new year? If your not going to see them imminently? Point taken though. They’re all in for a shock next year. No ones getting anything.

Thank you to everyone for your replies. Told myself I’d listen to the MN squad and it’s decided. The vote says I’m not being unreasonable but overwhelmingly I’m far too of the option people share my desire to be thoughtful and kind and let them know I’m thinking of them. Well. Stuff them next year! And Ba Humbug!!!! Haha. Thanks guys (and a merry Xmas to those who still have a bit of festive spirit!) x

If you barely see these people all year, I wouldn't send a new year text, tbh it's all a bit nineties when texting first existed and it was a novelty. Happy new year is a meaningless platitude, surely is implied of you like someone you hope they have a good year, you wouldn't be wishing them ill? For me it's also very annoying, I turned my phone off last year as I'd just resettled a newborn and my phone started buzzing with messages from drunk people. I do cards for a few older family members who appreciate the gesture, but most people are cutting down for environmental reasons (and because stamps are extortionate now)

If you don’t hear from them during the year and they don’t send you a card then I wouldn’t bother ..... that’s unless you know there’s something difficult they’re dealing with, then give them the benefit off the doubt obviously, like you with your son.

Make the effort for those who turn up for you and make you feel good about yourself.

Have a lovely Christmas wish I could send you a card.

You sound annoying as fuck

I’d stop the cards and gifts and chill more with your own family. If your friends message you and want to get together and you fancy it then do so. You can’t do all the work.

I think you sound like a lovely person but next year put yourself first. Get yourself something lovely for your birthday. If you pull back your real friends will still be there. Happy Christmas xx

People don’t send cards any more and those midnight new year texts have fizzled out over the last few years too thank god.

You sound very thoughtful but I can see that many people just don’t appreciate those things or bother any more.

I would scale it back. I can’t manage to do all that for friends though I would love to x

Bless you. And happy Christmas and new year to you too!!!! X

And you sound delightful darling!

And to you!! Thank you lovely xx

Yep. Agreed. Thank you for your reply. Makes sense and I think follows the general vibe here too. But merry Christmas! X

I find joy in writing and sending cards to everyone and do it because it makes me feel festive etc, while most of my friends don't anymore and I don't expect anything back. It's just how it is, I'm not planning on stopping doing what I'm doing because that would make me sad! But, of course I find it extra exciting when I do get a card from someone I didn't expect, it happens once in a while!

Happy Holidays :)

I quite agree with you about cards. I still send out Christmas cards. I love to keep in touch, albeit only annually, with old friends and more distant family.
I think its quite tragic that in my generation this lovely tradition is ending. I cant help but feel quite cross at the mostly very well off friends and family who have stopped sending cards. It doesn't take long to write a card to show that you're thinking of someone and it's nice to have cards up.

The hypocrisy of their environment excuses are also quite palling. My mother bothered to send cards practically on her deathbed and it was really important to her to not forget distant aunts and old college friends.

I'm keeping going forever but seems increasingly I'll be the only one.
I wonder if the people i send them to will throw them away when they receive them, if it annoys them so much to recieve, or send, a card of good cheer.

Barely anyone sends cards these days.
Its sad as it was always nice getting them if they had something more interesting than Merry Christmas in them, ie some info/updates about the persons life if hadn't seen them for a while. I hated writing cards tho and feel quite glad the pressure to do so has eased.

Its honestly never occured to me that the "blanket happy new year midnight texters" expect a reply. Its such an impersonal thing to to sent out a "blanket wide text" that i would never think they would want one back. Im not saying i dont wish friends happy new year etc but not in response to a blatantly impersonal message thats been sent to everyone.

Its sad though that your friend has regifted you her presents from her 40th , that would be hurtful to anyone, I think you are right to scale back your contact and see how many people make the effort to stay in touch with you. You may lose friends this way though, Ive got one very good friend whom im always the first to iniitiate contact and it can be very annoying and hurtful but shes too damaged by life to be ever able to reach out first and i accept that and so i make the effort.

I've scaled it back this year for similar reasons. Family send cards, normally delivered in person, but beyond that, I just send cards to the couple of neighbours who send to us, and a couple of relatives through the post, but only cos they keep sending to us, even if we don't return... might look into ecards next year. I normally get small presents for a hobby group I am involved with, but didn't bother this year. I'm the only one who does, so I suspect they'll get over it. Feels a lot more balanced in terms of effort/reciprocation TBH.

Thanks for your reply. I’m just done with making the effort. It’s tiresome. And I’ve better things to do! You sound like a better friend than me

Re the blanket text on New Years. I do an individual one as I’m usually with all my family. So just to ‘close friends’. They won’t need to expect a reply this year. I won’t send it in the first place!
Merry Christmas! X

I quite agree!! A merry Christmas to you! X

You sound like a lovely person. Still do some cards next year but only to those people who you see as a friend/family not colleague or aquantances. I like receiving cards and o still send some out.

Friends and I have dropped gifts between us and for the kids. None of us need anything. My brother and I have also stopped buying Xmas gifts. It has been quite liberating but means I’ve not been to the high street once this Xmas as I bought the few gifts on line. Not bought a huge amount of food either as we don’t need endless boxes of chocolates etc.