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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be getting creeped out by MIL

55 replies

Sillyscrabblegames · 23/12/2019 23:33

I've posted before about my mil using me as a diary secretary and communicating through me with her son my dh and the kids. I've managed to wriggle out of that habit which I found really stifling by referring everything to dh and she has stopped chasing me now. But we have a new thing.

My mil is now writing me letters and messaging me every week about her issues. All the communication is with me, she makes zero effort to contact her son or grand children, and the content of these messages is about her outings and visits with other family members. So for example she will send me a long message or even a letter one day about an issue she has or an issue family members on dh side have, and then the next day another message or letter will follow explaining how a family member has resolved it for her and her feelings on this and how we don't need to get involved.

I really don't get what this is all about but I know it's weird and frankly it's annoying me. I feel like she is clumsily using me in some odd attention seeking behaviour. Am I missing something. Is this a secret mil thing I was unaware of.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 23/12/2019 23:37

No it's not. There's nothing about MILs in general that's different from other people. You'll be a MIL one day. Just don't read the messages. Delete them.

mediumbrownmug · 23/12/2019 23:42

Pass the letters/forward the messages to your DH, and then forget about them. If MIL brings them up to you, smile and nod and say DH has those and you’re glad it seems to be resolved. Then move the conversation on.

GrowingUpIsATrap · 23/12/2019 23:42

How are you responding to these messages and letters op?

bestbefore · 23/12/2019 23:42

Is she just trying to be friendly?

Delbelleber · 23/12/2019 23:45

Maybe you are the daughter she always wanted. It would get tiring though I get that

Original poster
Sillyscrabblegames · 23/12/2019 23:47

I'm just replying that's lovely or hope you get that sorted, that kind of thing. Perhaps she is being friendly so I don't want to be rude back but it is getting peculiar now.

I don't even acknowledge the letters but I have passed them to dh and he has.

OP posts:
Stressedout10 · 23/12/2019 23:47

Block her number, spam her email and return to sender all letters.
Or you could maybe talk to her could she be lonely?

Original poster
Sillyscrabblegames · 23/12/2019 23:47

She already has a daughter and a lot of the stuff she is sending me is about her daughter.

OP posts:
bestbefore · 23/12/2019 23:56

Sounds to me like she's lonely and wants someone who's family to chat about things. Why on earth would you block her number etc?

IceCreamFace · 23/12/2019 23:58

Sounds like she's lonely and hopes you'll be a kind of friend/confident to her. It's fine to set boundaries though.

stayclosetoyourself · 24/12/2019 00:06

Makes me laugh when posters randomly say block, ignore etc, she's a family member not a criminal !!

Original poster
Sillyscrabblegames · 24/12/2019 00:08

I assumed the comments to block were a sarcastic joke

Interesting what you say about possibly. Being lonely. I will bear that in mind.

OP posts:
Boots20 · 24/12/2019 00:08

Sounds like she is your new penpal

ReanimatedSGB · 24/12/2019 00:13

Doesn't matter if someone's family or not, if they are constantly whining for attention, the best way to deal with them is to ignore as much as you can get away with. Forward the emails etc straight to your H and leave it up to him to deal with his tiresome mother.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 24/12/2019 00:13

But if she wants a family member to talk to, why isn't she talking to her son?

Original poster
Sillyscrabblegames · 24/12/2019 00:13
Confused
OP posts:
Bowerbird5 · 24/12/2019 00:14

What age is she? Sounds rather odd behaviour.Might be that she has health concerns. In the New Year it might be worth getting to the bottom of it.

Bowerbird5 · 24/12/2019 00:16

Would be kind to send her a lovely card perhaps as Sillyscrabblegames says ...she might be lonely.

Stressedout10 · 24/12/2019 00:18

Sorry @Sillyscrabblegames
I was being sarcastic about the blocking

Yarboosucks · 24/12/2019 00:19

It would appear that she likes and trusts you. Let us hope she is not on MN.

I find this thread rather sad. Would people really block a relative over such trivial matters? If so, society really is screwed.

travellover · 24/12/2019 00:45

Does anyone actually have a normal MIL??? I'm convinced they're all crazy in some shape or form😂

rhubarbarkle · 24/12/2019 01:01

Well it's probably not the normal way people communicate these days, but taking the positive view, she likes you and trusts you enough to tell you these things. Maybe no-one listens to her (but bear in mind, there may be a reason for that). On the negative she may see you as a 'soft touch" i.e. you won't be confrontational with her and are generally a kind, supportive person. I know it is annoying, but I'd throw in the odd reassuring word here and there and just let it play out. Does it really interfere with your life that much?

Jux · 24/12/2019 01:41

That would annoy me too. I'd see it as her deciding that I have taken from dh all the family communication. It's all just mental load. I'd have a stock reply like "forwarded to dh" which I would send each time. With luck she'll get the message quickly.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 24/12/2019 01:52

Sounds like she's trying to reach out and find some common ground........a but of kindness can go a long way. 💁🏻‍♀️

LovePoppy · 24/12/2019 02:29

I wouldn’t block, but I wouldn’t respond to every message

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