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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why was I not invited?

50 replies

Greggers2017 · 23/12/2019 21:15

Partner and 3 of his mates have been out day drinking in another city today then back to the pub in the village they grew up together. One of the friends now lives abroad, so they only see each other about 4 times a year. I didn't have a problem with this due to that factor.

Only to find out about an hour ago that one of their partners is also there.
Why wasn't I asked if I wanted to go? I am always looking after the kids very rarely go out, but I didn't mind at all today due to these all being special, life long friends. I want to go and have fun, my partner knows this but still didn't think to invite me for a drink.
AIBU to be pissed off that I wasn't asked?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 23/12/2019 21:26

Maybe he just assumed you'd be busy with the kids. He should have asked you though

Leeds2 · 23/12/2019 21:28

If only one of the four of them had a partner there, maybe the partner hadn't actually been invited but turned up anyway.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/12/2019 21:28

Are you looking after the children? Do you have babysitters available?

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 23/12/2019 21:31

I could have gone yes. I'm constantly saying how fed up I am and how I'd love to go out. I recently won two nights away in a hotel for later next year and the first thing I did was say I'd take him.
The other two don't have partners.

OP posts:
Havaina · 23/12/2019 21:34

Take a friend on the hotel break and let him look after the kids. He is taking you for granted.

steff13 · 23/12/2019 21:35

Are they his kids?

I don't think the hotel thing is quite the same; that's more of a "couple" thing, of you'd ask him.

Maybe the other guys don't want the partner there and are annoyed by her being there.

TwoOddSocks · 23/12/2019 21:36

If only one partner is there it may be he decided to bring her along at the last minute and your DP didn't know? He may have just wanted to be with his old mates and not worry about making sure you were having fun etc. He should make an effort to take you out too though.

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 23/12/2019 21:39

He never takes me anywhere, all I keep getting told at the minutes is we can't afford it, which we can't really.

She didn't just get brought along as they have been out all day together. She got invited along to the evening drinks.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 23/12/2019 21:40

How can he afford to go drinking all day but can't afford to take you out for a meal?

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 23/12/2019 21:41

That's the reality yes x

OP posts:
BackforGood · 23/12/2019 21:43

I find it stranger that she was there, in the scenario you describe, rather than you not being invited.

Not making time to go out together is an entirely different things, which you should address - it doesn't have to cost a lot. Do things that don't cost a lot.

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 23/12/2019 21:44

I don't even like things that cost a lot. A meal at Wetherspoons would be fine.

OP posts:
Appreciateyourthoughts · 23/12/2019 21:52

I'd be furious. He didn't want you there plain and simple, because if he did he would have asked you. I'd be asking him why!

category12 · 23/12/2019 22:02

If money is tight, why does he get to spend money on himself to go drinking? Do you spend money on yourself?

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 23/12/2019 22:05

I'm on SMP at the moment so have little spare cash x

OP posts:
category12 · 23/12/2019 22:06

Do you not share finances?

Original poster
Greggers2017 · 23/12/2019 22:07

No but that was my choice. I wouldn't have minded him spending the money today on what was supposed to be a boys day. If she can be there if changes the dynamic so not the reunion I thought it was.

OP posts:
NorthernLightsInWinter · 23/12/2019 22:14

I would take a friend on my trip, tbh, after reading your updates.

Cohle · 23/12/2019 22:40

In those circumstances I'd imagine that your DP just hadn't expected that anyone else would invite their partners. I wouldn't assume it was a personal slight.

BrokenWing · 23/12/2019 22:44

Chances are they didn't want the friends partner there either but didn't feel comfortable saying no. Been there on girls night out and one invites their partner along later. No one wants them there, but it's too awkward to say at the time, so it is either made clear in advance next time no partners, or if that person keeps doing it they stop getting invited.

katy1213 · 23/12/2019 22:48

She probably wasn't invited. Then if you turn up, too - that the boys' outing ruined, isn't it?

ShabbyNat · 23/12/2019 22:49

Definatly take a friend on your trip away for 2 nights away & leave "D"P at home looking after the kids for the duration, hes done the same to you for the day<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Xmas Shock" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/fshock-U_wvXlGW.png">, while you & friend have a lovely kids free break away, its not like you have to pay for it, I should imagine it`ll cost not a lot more than his lads day outXmas SmileXmas Wink

OhioOhioOhio · 23/12/2019 22:52

Yip. Don't take him on that break.

BackforGood · 23/12/2019 22:56

I agree with Cohle , BrokenWing, and Katy

Josette77 · 23/12/2019 23:08

I doubt she was invited.

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