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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know if DH is messing bedtime?

66 replies

Shahlalala · 23/12/2019 20:23

Tonight we went to my DM’s house for dinner, he was working so didn’t join. We always get back before bedtime because I have a small baby and a 5 year old.

Get home and DD is excited to see him, but he wasn’t here. I message and he has gone shopping (definitely nothing Christmas related) with his DB who is staying with us. Ever since his ‘D’B arrived he seems to think he is a guest to and can do duck all and abdicate all responsibility.

AIBU to say you let the other parent know if you’re fucking off for bedtime?

OP posts:
SummerPavillion · 23/12/2019 21:02

YANBU, it was unfair not to at least warn you, given the circumstances. Would've taken him 30 seconds

Crazycrazylady · 23/12/2019 21:02

Honestly, he missed one bedtime to go sour with his visiting his brother.. feel kind of sorry for him to be honest.

Original poster
Shahlalala · 23/12/2019 21:03

@Crazycrazylady why do you feel sorry for him?!

OP posts:
TartanMarbled · 23/12/2019 21:12

I would definitely let it go. This would be crazy if the genders were reversed. Relax and let him have a good time. Enjoy your evening and don't cause a fight over something stupid. It's Christmas!

isadoradancing123 · 23/12/2019 21:21

Its a one off, put the baby down for a minute, its not surgically attached, five year old child is not difficult to put to bed

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 23/12/2019 21:24

You seem really angry over something really minor. Relax! It’s Christmas, it’s really no big deal.

53rdWay · 23/12/2019 21:25

This would be crazy if the genders were reversed.

Hmm. Would it, though? Do many mothers of small children just head out at bedtime without saying where they're going or when they'll be back? I wouldn't. Takes five seconds to drop a quick text.

Does sound like the main problem here is that it's not a one-off.

trilbydoll · 23/12/2019 21:27

Bedtime is 100x easier with 2 parents when you have a tiny bf baby, noone is saying it's impossible with one but why would you deliberately set out to make your husband/wife's life difficult if it's not necessary? Also not really fair on the 5yo to just not be there when you're expected. YANBU.

BeanTownNancy · 23/12/2019 21:28

I'm with you, newborns are clingy and scream if you put them down; it's not fun trying to read bedtime stories with the baby screaming for 30 minutes in the background.

I also feel bad for your daughter that he couldn't spare an hour to see her before bed, considering he will likely have all evening to spend with his brother.

TartanMarbled · 23/12/2019 21:28

@53rdWay I have similarly aged children, and I can honestly say that if my husband came back with the kids and I was out he'd laugh and wish me well/text me to say stay out and have a nice evening. I would do the same for him. OP seems to be quite abusive, the poor husband!

Crazycrazylady · 23/12/2019 21:29

Shalalala
I feel a little sorry for him because I think it's very hard that he can't go out with brother for one evening without it being made out to be the crime of the century. If I went out like that one evening my husband would be happy that I was getting the opportunity for an evening out as I would be for him.

fligglepige · 23/12/2019 21:30

Mildly annoying at worst, YABU

53rdWay · 23/12/2019 21:30

'Abusive'? Really?

TartanMarbled · 23/12/2019 21:31

So many mothers on here who really seem to "struggle" with bedtime. Maybe ask for some tips or read a parenting book - popping my two kids to bed wouldn't cross my mind as something that needs two people or is difficult!

Let go, unclench, don't start a ridiculous fight.

itgetshardereveryday · 23/12/2019 21:31

OP seems to be quite abusive, the poor husband!

Abusive? Give over!!!

She just wanted her dh to let her know that he wouldn't be there for bedtime.

itgetshardereveryday · 23/12/2019 21:33

@TartanMarbled where did op say she struggled with bedtime?

53rdWay · 23/12/2019 21:33

it's not fun trying to read bedtime stories with the baby screaming for 30 minutes in the background

Oh God I've actually done that before. Read bedtime stories very loudly while bouncing furious baby in sling. As has DH. Clearly I should have been swapping bedtime duties with all those parents who can't imagine why it might be easier having 2 parents around in the newborn days, their kids sound easy Grin

TartanMarbled · 23/12/2019 21:33

@itgetshardereveryday No, she didn't "just want dh to let her know he wouldn't be there" - she is trying to start a fight about it. I would feel controlled and abused in her husband's position.

TartanMarbled · 23/12/2019 21:35

@itgetshardereveryday Um. Read the OP's posts. But I was also referring to the number of mothers on this post who seem to really "struggle" with this everyday task.

Original poster
Shahlalala · 23/12/2019 21:35

I genuinely chuckled at the ‘abusive’ comment. I’m not abusive.

I have mastitis and a blocked duct (got anti biotics), I have done ALL the prep for Christmas and I mean ALL. I have been playing host to DB since Friday. DH is at work today and tomorrow because he forgot to book it off. I’m buying and cooking food I can’t even eat because i’m now dairy, soy and egg free due to DS. DS is waking hourly because he’s having some sort of regression.

I am just exhausted and holding all my shit together for DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shahlalala · 23/12/2019 21:37

@TartanMarbled I don’t struggle with bedtime, it’s just not enjoyable for DD with DS screaming. HTH.

OP posts:
53rdWay · 23/12/2019 21:38

But I was also referring to the number of mothers on this post who seem to really "struggle" with this everyday task.

Yes, those silly, silly women, why don't they just switch their newborns to the 'Colic: OFF' setting during the older child's bedtime? So easy!

Original poster
Shahlalala · 23/12/2019 21:38

AND there has been no fight?!? I never suggested I was going to berate DH for this.

OP posts:
TartanMarbled · 23/12/2019 21:39

Bedtime is a daily routine and hardly a mammoth task. One parent should be able to manage this without trying to start a fight with their spouse because they weren't there to hold their hand. Laughing at the abusive comment is worrying, OP.

TartanMarbled · 23/12/2019 21:41

@Shahlalala OP, I must've misread the tone - so you're not going to start a fight with him about this?