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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude

83 replies

Mashaandthebearr · 23/12/2019 15:22

A friend of ours was talking to DP a few months back and DP mentioned he was getting a certain gift for DS for Christmas.

Well DP never got the gift and when I asked him why he told me he couldn't because the friend went and bought it for DS. He's pretty pissed off, and says he let friend know he was annoyed and hasn't spoke to them since.

I think its rude, however I wouldn't have told them that, I would have just taken the gift and said thanks. Was DP BU for telling them he was annoyed about it, and I for kind of agreeing with him, or was friend BU for buying the gift for our DS that DP had planned to buy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mashaandthebearr · 23/12/2019 16:26

Armadillostoes I have no reason to apologise, I didn't even know about it until today, thanks for your lovely response though.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 23/12/2019 16:31

Dh needs to apologize. Friend probably thought he was doing a nice thing.

Chocolatemouse84 · 23/12/2019 16:37

I think your partner was rude to the friend. The friend had good intentions and your son was getting what he wanted. Your oh could have just bought your lo something else instead of creating drama and embarrassing the friend.

bridgetreilly · 23/12/2019 16:40

Seems to me like a huge storm in a teacup, tbh, and the one missing out is DS who apparently isn't getting the present that he wants from anyone?

Armadillostoes · 23/12/2019 16:48

@Mashaandthebearr your child has been bought a generous present and the person giving it has still received zero thanks. For that alone you should be apologising. Your post also made it clear that the giver was a mutual friend, not just a friend of your DH.

Creameggcountdown · 23/12/2019 16:50

The only thing that springs to mind here is grow tf up.

Original poster
Mashaandthebearr · 23/12/2019 16:51

Armadillostoes my child has not yet received said present, and as I said, I wasn't aware of any of this until today, also have not spoken to friend recently as we don't text every day or even every week.

So no, I definaltly do not have any reason to apologise. Dp certainly does, but I can't do that for him.

OP posts:
itgetshardereveryday · 23/12/2019 16:55

I think it's really weird of the friend to do this but I wouldn't have said anything.

PuppyMonkey · 23/12/2019 17:00

Eh? I do think it’s quite Hmm of the friend to go out and get the very present your DH had told him he was planning to buy himself. I mean, yes you could say it was very generous but also a bit... underhand, maybe.

Armadillostoes · 23/12/2019 17:13

@Mashaandthebearr my post quite clearly said that your child had been BOUGHT not received the present. Also if you have had time enough to post on Mumsnet about it, so you have had time to say thank you. You knew full well that your mutual friend had spent money on your child and had received a churlish response rather than thanks. You could have tried to make up for the hurt and disown that horrible behaviour from your DH. You chose to do neither.

You clearly don't believe that you are in the wrong, but I most certainly think you are.

Original poster
Mashaandthebearr · 23/12/2019 17:18

Armadillostoes do you expect people to thank you for gifts they haven't received from you and also you have not directly told them about? If so that's very strange, but I certainly don't. Because that would be stupid. I'm done responding to you now, merry Christmas.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 23/12/2019 17:19

Is friend still giving gift after partners sulky response? I probably wouldn't and maybe need to clarify that pretty quick!

TheReef · 23/12/2019 17:20

That's a really odd thing for a friend to do.

If my mate told me she was buying her DD a certain gift, it would never occur to me to buy her the same thing. Very odd behaviour

Original poster
Mashaandthebearr · 23/12/2019 17:22

SD1978 I don't know, I haven't spoken to friend directly, I'd imagine they probably will, they are a very nice person and they and DP won't really fall out over this. I reckon friends lack of response was more of a not wanting to get into it and also just not knowing what to say.

OP posts:
lovemenorca · 23/12/2019 17:25

All three adults in this saga are odd. The third adult being the OP for starting the thread

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/12/2019 17:25

Yes, friend was rude. Your DP was in his right to mention it to his friend. I voted the wrong probably as you didn’t say what’s what.

Armadillostoes · 23/12/2019 17:31

@Mashaandthebearr When you as a parent discovered that someone had done a nice thing for your DC and received an unkind response, so should, in my view, have taken steps to put that right. You disagree, which is fair enough. Merry Christmas

DonKeyshot · 23/12/2019 17:33

What arrangements are in place for the friend to give the gift to your ds? Are you expecting to see this friend in the next few days. or will they be visiting you on Christmas Day?

Could this be a case of your dp having failed to get the gift he said he would give your ds and is blaming his friend for his failure?

Original poster
Mashaandthebearr · 23/12/2019 17:38

DonKeyshot no that's not the case, dp has bought a mountain of presents for ds, this wasn't something Ds asked for specifically, it was something he saw and knew Ds would enjoy and mentioned it to friend in conversation.

The friend lives close to where we will be on Christmas day, we usually see them at some point during the day.

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 23/12/2019 18:00

I think your DH over reacted to fall out over this.

MerchantOfVenom · 23/12/2019 19:07

dp has bought a mountain of presents for ds, this wasn't something Ds asked for specifically, it was something he saw and knew Ds would enjoy and mentioned it to friend in conversation.

Not really sure what the issue is then?

Mild annoyance, at best, and then moving on?

Katgurl · 23/12/2019 20:55

I feel really sorry for the friend in this scenario.

CSIblonde · 23/12/2019 21:01

If its a v big expensive gift or milestone thing like first bike I understand your DH feeling peeved. If friend hasn't got kids they maybe don't get it. Confused tho, as friend isn't speaking now is the gift with you or does your DH need to buy something instead?

CharlieCoCo · 23/12/2019 21:03

Seems I'm in the minority. I wouldn't be happy if say I told a friend i was planning on buying my child a bike (which would then be from santa and specific bike I wanted them to have) and then said friend bought the bike for him instead and then I have to get something else from Santa instead. You wouldn't expect a friend to do that without.running it past.you first. (I know it isn't a bike, but was using it as an example as it's a big present)

DowntownAbby · 23/12/2019 21:10

I'm amazed at some of the responses to this one.

This person has been extremely generous in buying what's, presumably, an expensive gift and is being treated as if he's taken a shit on your doorstep.

Whatever the rights and wrongs about buying the present, just put yourself in the the friend's shoes for a moment. They certainly didn't buy the present to piss you off, did they? If they wanted to do that they could have done it without spending money.