DH won't make a will

[hondagirl500]

I got married a couple of years ago, been together about 10 years. Second marriage for us both.
I have a will, from when I was divorced, but now that is obviously out of date.
I have 2 children, so does he. All adults. No grandchildren on either side yet.
I have said we need to make wills - there is a remote possibility that we could both die together, in a crash for example, and then it all gets complex and his children could get nothing!
If a married couple die at same time, and it cannot be proved who actually died first, it is assumed the oldest (him) died first. Thus all assets pass to spouse (me). But if I am dead too, then all assets pass to MY children. His would not inherit anything.
Another scenario - I die, without a will. Everything goes to him. He 'says' he will ensure my children get my assets when he dies. But if he doesn't make a will, there is nothing in law to say they get it, when he eventually dies, his 2 would inherit all.
We need to make wills, so that it is all written properly and there is no doubt where the assets should be split.
But he is up in arms about it! Says I do not trust him, that he would make sure my kids would inherit (but how could they if there is no will?)
I cannot understand how he won't do this?
I cannot just make one on my own, as we own joint property, we both have to do it, but he won't even discuss it.
How do I make him see that this is so important?

What a strange response to you wanting to make sure his surviving relatives don’t have to go through the long drawn-out process of intestacy, OP.

It’s almost as if there’s some other reason why he doesn’t want to make a will ...

If he won't discuss it, make your Will, passing your share of the property to your children, with the provision that he can stay in the house during his lifetime. He cannot object to that, surely?

He's missing the point, it would be either of you that makes the decision about who gets what. The likelihood is that it wouldn't get sorted until you both died and, as you say, it would go to the children of whoever died last.

Would not be either of you

If you already own your property as tenants in common you can make your own Will and leave him a life interest in the property (if you want to) and your share to your children. You will also need to open entirely separate bank accounts as any joint accounts will revert to the survivor in full and it would be wise to leave your children with power of attorney and as your executors rather than him if you feel he wouldn't deal with your Estate as per your wishes. If he refuses to make a Will you will inherit his share on his death and can make whatever provision you want in relation to his children as he would have failed to protect their interest. Definitely make a Will for yourself you don't need his permission or consent or even for him to know and it will secure your children's inheritance. The number of children dispossessed by a step parent because their own parent believed their partner would treat them fairly is fairly significant and causes even more heartache after the death of a loved parent.

I know people who’ve lost inheritances due to a parent dying intestate, the money has then gone to the step parent and their children. Just make your will. You don’t have a joint tenancy so it’s even easier. But even if you did it’s dead easy to Sever one.

I have two words for anyone in your situation Linda Bellingham. - the actress from the OXO adverts
She was wealthy with investments and property . She remarried and trusted her husband to split everything with her two boys from her first marriage when she died she didn’t write a Will instead trusting that her husband would do the right thing by her children
When she passed away he kept pretty much everything and it was reported that it was around million pounds that Linda had in assets.

The sons took him to court and ended up with a property that’s heavily mortgaged so no equity in it for them.

He is now getting married and the possibility of all of Linda’s money ending up with his new wife should he die

There is a Will writer on here mumblechum / Marlow Will I think is the name
Mumblechum did my parents will separating the tenancy and giving the surving spouse the right to live in the house after the other spouse death
It was all done by phone and post very easily and cost about £350 I think
If you do get a Will make sure your kids know where it’s kept
Your DH is either thick with regards to the importance of having a Will. Or he has no intention on passing your half to your kids
What if he remarried everything and then died everything that was your could potentially end up
In his new wife’s family

OP - if you’ve remarried since making your will then it’s not just that your will is out of date - it has been revoked by the marriage. So you do not have a will currently either.

You don’t need to make mirror wills - that will just make it easier for him if you die first - but to protect your children’s you do need to make a will yourself. As previous posters have said, you can leave all your property (including your share of joint property) to your children and give your husband a lifetime interest in it so that they can’t eg force a sale of your house whilst he is still alive and living in it. You do not need to discuss it with him at all if you don’t want to!

Even if you both make mirror wills leaving your property to each other and then the second to die leaves it to all the children there is nothing preventing him from changing his will after you have died (if you die first) in any case. So it’s actually safer for your children for you to leave your assets to them with adequate protections for your husband rather than relying on him passing on assets he has inherited from you when he dies.

If you die together, for inheritance purposes the younger of the two of you will be deemed to have died last. This could be important for your planning.

You need to prioritise making your will to ensure your children are cared for- it doesn't sound like your husband would, if you were to die first. I think that if you are tenants in common it should be possible to leave your share to your children, but with the provision that your surviving spouse can remain in the house until his death.

If he doesn't make a will and everything of his passes to you then you can sort it from there if he dies first. You have to get YOUR will sorted.

I think I will phone a solicitor and make mine then, he can then think about it, will give him all the info above, and see if he will make one.

I know he has shares, and investments. He also has 3 classic vehicles. All of this would pass to me on his death. I have no interest in the vehicles, but I can imagine his children arguing over them 'Dad said I could have this one, that one is yours....' etc. If he wrote a will there will be no arguments.

He is obviously still in a grump as he has ignored by texts this morning!

Seriously, OP?

Sorry but he sounds like a dick.

How old are the children. Another thing to think about is guardianship if you both die or do they have other parents to look after them. Or is that a moot point.

Ignore last comment. Just seen they are adults

I'd wait until after Christmas and do it in the new year. It's not about whether you trust each other to do the right thing (though that's never to be taken for granted, tbh) it's about making it as straightforward as possible for the surviving partner and children. Does he really want you wrangling with lawyers, and paying for the privilege, and having things tied up in probate, while you're also grieving? Does he want that for himself? Wills are there to make the process as simple as it can be at a very difficult time for everyone. Do the hard work now so you don't have to do it later.

I know someone who took a YEAR to get access to her deceased husband’s bank accounts. She was legally entitled to it but because he hadn’t made a will there were all sorts of delays. Could you survive financially for a year if he died suddenly?

In the absence of any cooperation from him you have no choice but to make a will leaving all your assets to your own children. You will then leave it up to them to let him continue living in the house that he owns jointly with you or not.

I think if he died intestate with an estate under £250K, you would inherit all.

If over £250K, you would inherit half of the remainder after the first £250K is taken into account and the remainder would be split between his children.

www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

Will law needs changing and only children should be able to put claims in

Argh how frustrating. You are being very sensible, he’s being incredibly selfish as could leave you with a massive mess to untangle whilst grieving. No advice really but hope he comes round.

What an idiot. Him not you OP.

Just make a will without him and tell him you've done it, I would also tell all the DC the current situation and hop that then makes home realise his DC would like him to make a will too.

I can strongly recommend Marlow Wills, it was set up by a MNER and as a small business no VAT payable so less expense then most specialists. She gave us amazing advice over our messy blended family situation.

Once all my DC are adults I am considering changing my will to protect my share for the DC in case I go before DH and he remarried or similar.

Maggie FS is right. Tell your DH that if he won't make a will, you want to change the way the property is held from joint tenants to tenants in common, and that he will he have the right to remain there until his own death if you predecease him.

Explain that you feel you have to do this to protect your children in case you die first and he goes on to have another family. It may sound unlikely, but my mate's dad remarried and had another child at 60+, and when he died, everything went to his second wife. His first family didn't even get mentioned in the will, it was as though they didn't exist.

He's being irrational.

Speaking someone who's Dad died without making a will, it was s fucking nightmare; so complicated, took months to sort out and was very expensive.

Tell him he is a very selfish father if he wants to land his kids with that shit.

@kingkuta is right, it does sound like he'd cut off your DC if you died first.

You are being a bit judgemental about him not having a will, considering you also don't have one (an invalid one doesn't count). You've had years to update yours and haven't. Just do yours and let him do it when he's ready. It's his children at risk, not yours, so don't worry about it.