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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to spend Xmas alone doing housework

63 replies

treaclepumpkin · 22/12/2019 19:30

The current plan is for us (DH, DS1 (3) and DS2 (1)) to go over to my PIL on Xmas day. We'd go over around 11ish and spend most of the day there. Back late afternoon/early evening.

There is rarely ever time I am ever at home alone. Can't actually recall a single time in recent history and the house is a constant mess.

It's sad, but I'm thinking I would be glad to have a few hours child free to just tackle the place. Declutter a bit and finally use our new carpet washer.

I'm thinking I could drop them off and go back home (40 min round trip). Then maybe come back maybe an hour before they are ready to come home. So I would spend a little time at PILs.

Is this ridiculous? WIBU to "abandon" my family - especially for something as mundane as housework? It just seems like a perfect opportunity...

In fairness, I could probably "send" DH to his parents with the kids another day, before work starts back (but he might not really want to do this).

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/12/2019 19:53

Is your DH another one of those useless men who think all housework and childcare is the woman's job?

PumpkinPie2016 · 22/12/2019 19:54

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable.

Your PiLs will have bought food/gone to the trouble of preparing things - don't you think they would be offended? Obviously, if someone is I'll then it's a different matter but if someone let me down to do cleaning, I'd be fuming!

Also, won't your 3 year old be upset? The baby won't notice but at 3, I would think a child would notice if their mother didn't spend most of Christmas day with them when she had the option.

I get that messy houses are stressful but Christmas day is not the day to sort it.

Can your DH take them out tomorrow so you can do some housework? Or do it together in short bursts.

Oysterbabe · 22/12/2019 19:54

That would be ridiculous. Send DH to his parents or wherever on any other day he's off.

Original poster
treaclepumpkin · 22/12/2019 19:54

I was thinking that once we had done presents in the morning, the rest of the day would be much like any other for DS1 at this age. But perhaps I'm wrong about what a kid remembers about Christmas at his age. I wouldn't want to spoil his experience in any way. For this reason alone I would postpone doing the clear out on Christmas Day.

OP posts:
Original poster
treaclepumpkin · 22/12/2019 19:56

@ConstanceL yes, definitely lighthearted but also kinda seriously was thinking about it...

OP posts:
Ragwort · 22/12/2019 19:58

Why on earth can’t your DH take the children out on another day? Boxing day? The following weekend? NYD? What has he done today to make your life easier?

Original poster
treaclepumpkin · 22/12/2019 20:00

@MarianaMoatedGrange No, to be fair, he really isn't. We are both just worn out. Life has been very hard since DS2 arrived due to complications I had in labour. It's changed our lives so much. We both try, but are just not where we thought we would be at this point. Things are getting better, which I hope means things will get easier too. But until then, we are both doing our best.

OP posts:
Original poster
treaclepumpkin · 22/12/2019 20:02

Ok. I can accept that IWBU to do this. I'll find another day, between Christmas and New Year, to engineer some alone time.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/12/2019 20:05

Ah, I'm relieved to hear it, treacle! in that case, go enjoy the day with pil, and arrange another day you can both have a clearout - or if you prefer your DH take the DC out for a couple of hours while you make a start, and then make it a joint venture when you're both not so tired.

VioletCharlotte · 22/12/2019 20:05

Reading between the lines of your thread it sounds like you're worn out and in desperate need of some time to yourself. Totally normal for a SAHM with two little ones to feel like this. Don't miss out on Christmas Day with your children, but do sit down with your DH and tell him how you're feeling and try and work out how you (both) can get some time to yourselves and some time together as a couple. Maybe PILs could have the DC for a day after Christmas to give you a break?

KizzyWayfarer · 22/12/2019 20:05

“I have 50 million loads of laundry to wash and iron every week.”
I agree with others that you should do your housework / clear out blitz another day. Also, can you stop ironing everything?

KizzyWayfarer · 22/12/2019 20:07

And what VioletCharlotte said.

MoonlightBonnet · 22/12/2019 20:09

I think that’s a very very unusual thing to want. Christmas Day away from your young children so you can clean? How are you feeling generally?

Perid0t · 22/12/2019 20:11

It’s Christmas Day.... spend it with your family.

Slyfox69 · 22/12/2019 20:12

Why cant he do the cleaning?

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 22/12/2019 20:13

You are a SAHM with a cleaner once a week? I think you need to accept there are more important things in life than a tidy home.

Emmacb82 · 22/12/2019 20:14

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, but I do find it sad that you would rather miss spending Xmas day with your family to sort the house out. This screams to me that you never get any time alone to yourself, and this clearly needs to change. Your husband needs to step it up after Christmas and start taking the kids out for the day so you have a chance to spend time doing what you want to do. And that doesn’t necessarily mean cleaning, you need to have time for yourself and to actually have a break.
I would definitely spend Christmas with the family. I’m working Christmas Day night and I will miss being at home. There’s no way I would spend it anywhere else.

Elbeagle · 22/12/2019 20:16

I’d be gutted to miss Christmas Day with my children.

LaurieMarlow · 22/12/2019 20:19

This is not a goer OP.

Do it another day. And stop ironing. Why waste your time with such pointlessness?

missmapp · 22/12/2019 20:20

My dh is taking the boys out tomorrow so I can clean and do some Christmas cooking prep. I am ridiculously excited about ot, even though I will be doing jobs all day. I get wanting to be home alone but the thing is, when you are home alone you miss the dc and want to be with them ! I think of you did do this on Xmas dasy, you would just want to go back and join them

As others have said, try to get other times when you can be alone. Our youngest has health issues and eldest is autistic, so I get the difficulties but you need ot.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/12/2019 20:23

Yes ironing is an unecessary, time consuming burden. Few things really need it.

Serenschintte · 22/12/2019 20:24

Im coming to the end of my 18 Christmas‘ with DS1. They are also less excited and into it as they get older. Spend Christmas Day with them. Could DH take them out on the 27th or 28th and that’s your declutter. Even better PILs have them for the day and you and DH declutter together

CSIblonde · 22/12/2019 20:26

If you like your PIL they might be a bit hurt OP. Can't you send DH & kids out for a long walk to the park on Boxing Day & declutter & clean then?

Original poster
treaclepumpkin · 22/12/2019 20:29

@KizzyWayfarer @MarianaMoatedGrange

I just have a "thing" about ironing. I can't help myself (I think I get it from my mother). Though a few months after the birth of DS1, I gave up ironing bedding. When DS2 was born, we quickly invested in a tumble dryer, so that helps. And as of a few months ago, DH's boxers no longer get ironed. But I still feel like I "need" to iron maybe 80% of our stuff. know, I know, I'm a crazy lady. Blush

OP posts:
Ugzbugz · 22/12/2019 20:36

DH can take kids out next weekend and you can do all that, dont miss and waste xmas day

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